


The Thin Line Between the Dark Side and the Light

by LauraRose, xphil98197



Series: The Sweetest Surrender [2]
Category: 00Q - Fandom, James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: Aftercare, BDSM, BDSM Scene, Consensual Kink, Dom!Q, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Sub!Bond, SubJames
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-11 21:51:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 53,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4453718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LauraRose/pseuds/LauraRose, https://archiveofourown.org/users/xphil98197/pseuds/xphil98197
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This continues where One Foot left off, James and Q learning to negotiate a relationship, while fighting their demons, some of whom are flesh and blood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A week later, they were back in London.

It had taken two days to get home. Bond had gone back to the cottage and found it burning and his car on fire too, but he had managed to retrieve the book with little more than singe marks. It was miraculous, to say the least.

After the explosion at the lakes, Bond had gotten in trouble for blowing up a boat and leaving debris, oil and dead bodies… but the government was used to clearing up after him. At least this time they did not have to go through international relations.

He was also somewhat avoiding the Quartermaster… He had been sticking to the gym, training (beating the crap out of and humiliating) new recruits while he got his head in order about what happened… and how it couldn’t happen anymore.

He was a MI6 agent… not Q’s sex slave. What had he been thinking?

Q had expected Bond to avoid him when they returned to London. There was a lot for Bond to process now that he was back home on his own territory. He let him have his space for the week, and sent him an email inviting him to dinner Friday night.

As Q had expected, Bond did not reply right away, but it was just after lunch that the man came down to Q branch, a sheet of paper in hand that was signed by Tanner and M.

Bond had a job.

The man who barged into Q’s office was nothing like the malleable, pliable Bond who had spent the afternoon naked and blindfolded at Q’s request. “I need an away kit,” he snapped, restless as a cat. “The usually plus a sniper. Tokyo,” he said, turning away, crossing his arms across his chest.

Q raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment. He went out into the corridors of Q branch and returned with the kit. The Walther, enough bullets to shoot up a storm, a radio tracker and an ear wig.

"Tell the armory you need my new prototype sniper rifle, with the palm print coded to you." He turned to go. "Oh, and James," his voice dropped so only Bond could hear. "I expect you home after the mission. I will be in your ear to bring you back."

Bond sneered, a nasty expression on his face before storming out, and leaving a room full of somewhat alarmed techs in his wake.

Q sighed and rubbed his eyes. It was never dull.

…

 

Less than twenty four hours later, Bond walked through the security of a Tokyo bank, smuggling the Walther, the Sniper and his earpiece through. Mainly because the guards were asleep as it was three in the morning.

“I’m in,” he murmured softly to those that listened.

"OK, 007," Q kept his voice down. "You want the second corridor on your left. I'm going to take you through the long way to avoid shooting and alerting security on the upper floors." He watched shoe locator move on his screen. "I need you to take the first right, and take the stairs to the roof. "

Bond made a soft sound of acknowledgement, but no words were spoken. He had hoped that it would be R and that Q would… do something. Not be in his ear… but he was nothing if not professional. He could deal with this. He followed the instructions and was soon heading up.

"Now you want to look off the East corner of the building, that is where we are anticipating they will enter," Q stayed in his ear, his voice calm as ever. "You are looking for three men dressed in black suits, with large briefcases. That is what they have been using to transport the explosives. Make sure you have a clean shot, if those briefcases explode it will take out the better part of the city. We can't afford that many civilian casualties without getting the heart of the organization. And Bond, I know what you are doing."

The agent hummed, the sound a question without words. What was he doing, if Q was so clever?

"I expect you for dinner-WATCH OUT, your right!" Q yelled as a man came through the rooftop staircase door behind Bond.

Two shots were fired, and there was silence on the line, save for the thump of a body hitting the ground. Not even the sound of breathing. Bond swore under his breath, not loud enough to be picked up by the microphone.

Christ, that had been close. He holstered the weapon and went to close the roof door. He opened it and stepped out into the warm air. Drifting, he went to the edge and looked down before he sunk to his knees.

Sarcasm dripped from every word as he spoke. “May I suggest that you hack into a camera that allows you to give me more warning?” he growled as he crouched to screw together the gun.

"Ordinary security cameras don't work in the dark, 007," Q tried not to let his fear show through his voice. "Can you see the targets? A vehicle just stopped, but no one has gotten out."

James didn't answer Q, as he peered through the sight of the gun. He was flat on his belly, watching through the sight. "I see the car -black SUV..." He muttered.

"The driver's door is opening, go for the driver first so its harder for them to escape. But make sure you can at least wound them all. We don't want those bombs detonated," Q scanned the screen. "Now!"

But Bond was a little distracted.

The door behind Bond opened and he rolled - at the edge of a thirty story office building - drawing his Walther and shooting, but Bonds assailant had the advantage and Bond snarled as he was shot at. He barely felt it.The second man fell dead but there was alarms going off now.

"007, MOVE!" Q shorted out the electrical system that controlled the alarms. "You have a clear shot on the last man in the car.”

Bond grunted and he rolled back onto his stomach - gasping in pain and looked through the sight.

The driver died, as did one of the passengers. The third vanished out of line of sight. There was now the sound of sirens approaching and he really did not fancy a night in a cell.  
"Get the police off my back," Snarled the agent as he got too his feet, holding his stomach, breathing through the blood and pain. "Follow him."

"I can see him on the security cameras, he is in the alley on the right," Q took a deep breath." "You should be able to track him from the other side of the roof. How much blood are you losing? Do I need to send a team, or can you make it to the evacuation point?"

"I'll get there Q," Snarled the agent as he picked up the gun and moved to the other roof, every step making him grunt.

“Another guard, Bond, he is behind the stairwell," Q warned.

The man behind the stairwell didn't last very long before he met the muzzle of Bond’s gun and point blank range. Bond moved onwards. "Anything else that needs to be done?" Grumbled the agent.

"That one in the alley," Q zoomed in on the cameras. "And come home."

"Yeah yeah yeah..." Muttered Bond as he staggered down the alley, stalking to get the last one, shooting through the thigh, shattering the femur and the femoral artery with it. The death was slow, painful and Bond watched every moment as he bled out.

"That's an order, 007!" Q used his sternest voice. "I want you back here."

Without hesitation, Bond tugged the earpiece from his ear and let it drop to the ground... Then his boot crushed it. He paused to take out the radio tracker too... That too went under his boot.

Master or not, Bond was not listening to Q.

…

It was over a week later when Moneypenny came down to see Q, holding the sniper rifle, bouncing it lightly in her hands. "Guess who just checked in... At bloody last."

"I hope the wound didn't get infected," Q sighed and saved his code. "It sounded bad. I should go see what's going on. I need his notes on the prototype hand print lock for the rifle."

It was an excuse to see James and he wasn’t even going to bother denying it.

Q took the elevator down to Medical, and could hear Bond arguing with a Doctor down the hall. He waited for the Doctor to leave. He stood in the doorway, and waited for James to notice him.

The doctor left and Bond was left to cool off... Which he did by flipping the bed angrily and kicking at it and that was before he even spotted Q.

Q let him work it out of his system and waited. Bond had been avoiding him since they got back from the Lake District. He had given him space, but he knew James remembered the order to come home. He had told him more than once when they were at the cottage, and directly over the comms.

Why had he waited?

Bond let out a venomous snarl and rounded on Q. "What?" He snarled. He radiated fury, anger and something else through all of it.

"That is quite enough," Q sighed. "I know you remember what I told you. This is the first time you have come to Medical voluntarily ever. So tell me, what did I tell you about coming home?"

He extend his arms, a bitter, twisted smile on his face. "Im in London, what else do you want?"

"Don't be difficult," Q scolded. "Or I will take you over my knee here. I told you to come home."

Bond snarled. "I don't have a home. I got shot, remember?"

"Ok, the hard way then," Q shut the door and locked it. He drew the curtains shut. "KNEEL. I know you don't have any issues with your memory. And I have had enough of you avoiding me. This is the last time I am going to ask. What did I tell you about calling me Sir and coming home?" Q started to unbuckle his belt.

He lifted his shirt, showing the bandages wrapped around his midsection. Kneeling... It would be an issue. It would be a physical impossibility without damaging himself more, but he sat.

Sulking.  
Brat.

Q looped the belt around his neck, and tugged. James’ eyes went wide, and his hand went to the gun before he stopped himself. Q resisted the urge to smirk.  
"Tell me, before I take you home, with me."

"To come home..." He said softly, shivering at authority. "To call you sir..."

Q ran his fingers through Bond's hair.

"I told you to come home, so I could take care of you. I told you to call me Sir when you were ready. Are you ready to go home, or do the doctors need to do anything else?"

Bond made a soft, needy sound and leant in, his head against Q's stomach. His eyes closed and he shivered. "I don't need to be looked after... I came in to report in and drop off the gun and got marched down here on gunpoint," he scowled. "I want a sleep and breakfast..."

"James, why are you fighting me? Unless you use your safe word, I am going to expect you to do as I tell you. If you want this to stop now that we are back in London, you are going to have to tell me. Now, if you want to come home and let me make you breakfast and sleep, you need to tell me. I expect you to do as I tell you as long as you want to continue this."

He rubbed his eyes and lifted his chin. He needed a shave. Badly. "Because I am trained to fight imprisonment. To fight control of any kind. My freedom is my most precious asset... I feel like you're threatening that, fighting that is instinct," And it was that which was destroying him. "Take me home... I'm on leave until I heal anyway."

"Come on James," Q helped him up and kissed Bond's forehead. "Remember, I told you whatever you are ready to give. Let's go home."

James unpeeled the damn belt and thrust it back at Q. "Put that back on... You look like a teenager losing your pants..."

Q laughed.  
"I have something for you when we get home. Leave it to you to go from stitches on one side to the other." He put the belt back on and opened the door for James.

"Food I hope... I can't remember when I last ate..." He muttered as they left

"Besides the food," Q put his hand on his back and led him to the car. "Stop being such an arse. What do you feel like eating? I went grocery shopping when you finished the mission. I was expecting you back sooner."

"I stayed in Tokyo for a few days... I like Tokyo..." He muttered as he trailed beside him. It didn't bare thinking about really, a drunk assassin with enough weapons to hold a city hostage.

"No more alcohol for you," Q scolded. "I can still smell it. First on the list for you is a shower while I cook. Then we are going to talk about why you are running away instead of telling me you need some space."

"I don't need space, I need to get over jet lag," Bond replied as he got in the car, passengers seat and settled. He was asleep before Q had even pulled out the parking lot.

"If you don't need space, why didn't you come home?" Q sighed. "I was worried," he whispered, careful not to wake the agent. He drove carefully so Bond wouldn't wake up.

…

"James, wake up," Q turned off the car. "Let's get you inside." He shook Bond's shoulder gently.

Bond woke with a start and blinked slowly. "Where are we? A safe house?" He asked as he stretched.

"No," Q laughed. "We are at my apartment. I told you to come home. What did you think I meant?"

"Aren't you still being hunted?" Bond mused thoughtfully.

"I think bringing home a 00 is a pretty good security system," Q smiled. "Besides, I need clean clothes. And to feed the cat. I got adopted while you were gone."

Q unlocked the door and a tiny ball of ginger fluff attacked his feet.  
"Hi precious, how's my little girl?"

James blinked. Q and a cat... It was just meant to be. He had very little experience with cats and stood back awkwardly while a ginger cat mewled and curled around his feet.

"James, meet Tesla," Q picked up the ball of fluff to give her a kiss. "Tesla , this is James. Let's give him a bath, shall we?" He went and got Bond clean towels, and a pair of pajamas. "Let me put your clothes in the wash. I picked you up some pajamas and clothes."

Bond watched the cat warily, unsure about the new creature as he came in. He moved slowly, painfully, stripping off the jacket. The shirt was ruined. "Bin it..." He told Q, eyeing the blood soaked shirt. He yawned. "Shower would be preferable over a bath this time."

"Ok, let's get you in there," Q knelt to take off Bond's shoes. "There's more blood than I would like. Why didn't you get this checked out sooner?" He put down Tesla and got up to put on the shower, warm but not hot. "Get in so I can wash off those stitches."

"Do you get every paper cut and burn checked out?" He asked and shrugged. "I don't really feel anything anymore..." He dropped his trousers and stepped under the spray, closing his eyes

"No, but being your last stitches got infected, I want you to be more careful," Q scolded him. "This is a gun shot, not a paper cut." He soaped up the wash cloth and carefully washed the dried blood off of Bond's back. "And i'm worried about you not feeling anything, that's not good. That's why I'm trying to take care of you. Do you want to relax under the water while I make food? Or shall I get you into bed first?"

"Relax. I need food or passing out will be in the cards instead of sleeping," tilting his head back, he reached for the shampoo and scrubbed.

Q reached for James and steadied his shoulders with one hand while he scrubbed the agent's hair with the other. He leaned in and kissed Bond's stitches.  
"I was worried. You scared me."

"I was doing my job," and he was running a little... Again. He wasn't just doing his job, he was trying to escape feelings and emotions that were all too much.

"After the mission," Q sighed. "Don't pretend to be stupid, I know better. I told you to come home in as many pieces as you need. What part wasn't clear?" He was getting exasperated with Bond's deliberate obtuseness.

"And I did, didn't I? I just took my time," he had gotten hurt, stitched himself back together and gotten spectacularly drunk. "I was in no condition to fly..." And he wanted to avoid Q.

"Goddammit James," Q sighed. "You are infuriating!" He turned to go to hide the tears in his eyes. "I can't... My heart isn't a toy. Do you know what I thought? I thought you were dead. That you let yourself get hurt to avoid me. I can't James... "

James heard the break in his voice and stepped out the shower. Naked, exposed and the horrible vulnerability was written over his face. He knelt on the floor and the relief came. " I'm... Sorry... Sir..."

"James, your stitches! No-" Q sunk to catch Bond in his arms, and buried his head in the blond hair to hide his tears. "All I want is to take care of you, and I thought you were dead. Everyone I love dies... And I thought you did too."


	2. Chapter 2

Bond tilted his head back and kissed him. It was a slow, searching kiss, his lips moving slowly. That word, love had made him cringe. He wasn't capable of returning it, not any more. He let the kiss break. "I really am sorry..."

Q could feel him tense, and knew what caused it. He needed a moment. 

"I'm sorry, James. Give me a minute, yeah?" He fled to the bedroom to gather his thoughts. Tesla snuck in behind him to wind around Bond's feet.

Bond ignored the cat, kitten... Whatever it was to finish showering and by the time Q returned, he had shaves and was tugging on sweatpants.

Q stood by his side, and held a wooden box.  
"I got you something. I hope its something you will accept. "

Bond arched an eyebrow. "Oh?" He asked curiously.

Q tried to keep his hands steady. He opened the box, and nestled in a bed of green velvet was a tan collar. The inscription, on a piece of silver riveted to the collar, read "Property of Q. If found, please return to Q Branch".

James swallowed and turned the tag... And burst into laughter. Silly, over tired laughter but he was smiling… and not punching Q in the face which had to be something. 

"Well you keep running off," Q laughed as well, although this one held relief.. "This way you know you have a home to come back to." He kissed Bond's shoulder and licked some of the drops of water that had fallen from his hair.

Bond's eyes sparkled as he sunk to one knee, keeping the strain off the stitches. He accepted.

Q took the collar out of the box, and buckled it around Bond's neck. The leather color looked good against his skin, and the silver was a subtle complement to his ocean blue eyes.

He pressed a kiss to Bond's lips.  
"Thank you. You won't regret it." He whispered and and relaxed as Bond leant into him, returning the kiss slowly. There was hesitation, which was understandable, but no regret.

"Let's get you to bed," Q smiled. "I brought you food and your medicine. I don't want you over doing it right now."

Bond allowed it, allowed him to lead him to the bed and get him tucked in, safe and warm. Pillows behind his back, he stretched out, wincing as he did. The kitten was on his lap in a moment and he watched her with fascination. Running his hand under the blankets, he watched as she attacked his hand, wrestling him into submission. The ginger ball of fluff did a lot of bottom wiggling before pouncing and the agent let out a bark of surprised laughter. 

"She will fight you for the sandwich," Q laughed. He had been watching from the doorway, watching as the man relaxed. "Here, bite for each of you." He held out the sandwich for Bond to bite, and gave Tesla a bit of chicken. He held a mug for James to drink, and smiled at him, grateful he was back safely and would heal.

Bond relaxed and leant forward to take a bite, washing it down with tea (which he had swiped effortlessly - there was only so much he could take.). Leaning back, he tapped the collar. "Only when we are alone," again, an understandable request. Privacy. 

"Of course," Q nodded. "The tag was more to make you laugh." He gestured to the side table next to James where the box sat open. "Any time you are gone, you can keep it right there. That's your space to come back to."

"If you had written anything else on it, I would have punched you," James said, plucking the sandwich away and feeding bits to the kitten.

"You're impossible," Q scolded. "And I love you. There. I meant to say it."

Bond had flinched, visibly flinched when Q said that word. He exhaled slowly and could not meet his gaze.

“Hey," Q took Bond's chin in his hand and lifted it so he could see the blue eyes. "None of that. I'm glad you're home." He leaned in to give Bond a kiss.

Bond sighed in into his mouth and relaxed into the kiss, eyes closing. He licked his lips and sunk back into the pillow.

"There's something else for you, in the box," Q said softly.

He arched an eyebrow. "There is?" Leaning over, he learnt to see what it was.

Q took out a silver key ring, with a tag that matched the one on the collar. It held a single key, and Q pulled the keys out of his pocket to show James the match.

James stiffened slightly at the significance. "Are you... Are you sure?" He breathed softly.

"I told you to come home, James," Q's voice was soft. "What else did you think I meant?"

"To London... To England even. I didn't expect..." He swallowed. James Bond, oddly choked up. He was... Touched.

"I told you I was going to take care of you," Q reminded. "I take that seriously. He put the keys and plate on the nightstand and got into bed with James. He pulled the agent into his arms. "Get some rest. I will be here."

He knew Q took things seriously, but even so... James had never expected this. Before he could contemplate or worry about the next shift in his personal universe, James was fast asleep.

Q stayed awake for awhile, checking Bond's temperature and petting Tesla. She had settled down between them, run out of energy at last. He settled against James and let his eyes close at it got darker, and turned out the light.

***

Q awoke before James did, and watched him sleep. It was a rare thing to be awake when the agent was not, and he enjoyed seeing him without the worries of the job aging his face. James had curled up next to Q, his face smoothed in sleep. Q bent down to kiss him, and stole out of bed to make tea, an unexpected smile on his face.

James shifted and grunted as Q moved, rolling away. He had slept well and slept deeply but the last few hours had been restless, slipping into dreams and out of nightmares.

Q brought in two mugs of tea and a plate of toast, something to balance out the pills on the nightstand.  
"James," he shook the agent gently. "Its only a dream, wake up, love." He felt Bond's forehead, which was still cool. "Let's get some food in you so I can give you your medicine. He hissed in pain as James' hand grabbed his wrist and twisted, before he had even opened his eyes. He looked furious... And then his gaze softened as he realized who it was. "Q... Sorry..."

"Its ok," Q flexed his wrist. "I will have you rub it later though. Let's get some food in you, yeah?"  
He settled in next to James to keep him close while the agent ate. He kept his hands a light, constant presence, soothing but grounding. 

He could see that Bond needed the contact, he needed the touching. Bond fiddled with the collar, troubled and anxious and horny as hell.

"James," Q tried to break into his thoughts. He could almost hear the agent's mind going at the speed of light. He could see the fretting, bordering on panic, and he wanted to had it off before it became a full blown crisis. "James, look at me. Tell me what you need."

"I don't know," he replied honestly, shifting. "My heads running so fast, I don't know how to slow it down. Its like I can't breathe. Work and faces and names..." He tried to relax and looked at Q. He blinked owlishly. "I remember every face I have killed..."

"Ok, deep breath," Q tugged on the collar. "Look at me." He reached into the bedside table and took out the cuffs, and buckled them on Bond's wrists. He didn't connect them, he just ran his fingers over them, pressing the leather against Bond's pulse point. "You're home, I'm here." He knelt and straddled James, and pulled him in for a kiss.

M would roll in her grave if she saw what Bond looked like, cuffed in leather and 'owned'. He melted into the kiss and pushed up into it, closing his eyes. His responses were needy and desperate.

"Hey, hey," Q kissed him gently. "Look at me. I want to make sure you are ok." He frowned. "What's going on?"

"Post mission..." He was shivering. "It's like... Like an adrenaline crash. I usually drink through if..."

"Ok," Q nodded and sat back. "On your knees then, gently. Close your eyes."

Bond exhaled a shaky breath and slid into his knees. His hands folded in his lap and he closed his eyes, fiddling with the cuffs.

Q reached for the blindfold and tied it around Bond's head.  
"You're home James, nothing is going to hurt you here. I'm going to be here to make sure of that." He ran his hands down Bond's shoulders and massaged the kinks from his neck.

"I know..." He said softly, arching his neck and making a sound like the kitten. "I trust you..."

Q ran his nails down Bond's back, making the agent shiver. He was careful to keep it nonthreatening, because he didn't want to trigger Bond's reflexes. He kissed a line from behind Bond's ear to under his chin, and licked at the hollow of his throat.  
"You look extraordinary like this, James," Q breathed. "Submission looks good on you. And no one but me sees it."

He chuckled softly and shivered. "No one but you will ever see it..."

"Good," Q licked his way up the other side of Bond's neck. "I told you, I take your trust seriously. Out there, you get to be a 00 agent. In here, you are mine to protect and care for. That's not going to change."

Bond shivered and whined, his hands moved desperately. The crash was a very real thing, the shock that the human body went into was very real... He shivered under the touch. "Most will think you're mad..." He warned.

"If I planned to tell most people what I do with my life, I wouldn't work for MI6," Q gathered the agent in his arms. "I'm proud that I get to take care of you, James, make no mistake. But how I do that is between you and me, no one else." He rested his head against Bond's and held on tightly to him.

Bond shivered and squirmed under that touch, his eyes closing under the blindfold. It was working though, he was slipping nicely into subspace, and that thought made him painfully hard. He shifted, the material of the trousers cutting across his lap and Bond squirmed.

Q reached for him, and undid his trousers. He kept Bond secure in his arms and threw his emotions into his touch. He wanted to repeat that he loved him, but... enough stress on the agent for one day. He settled for showing him, gentle touches with his fingers on Bond's cock, and a mouth on his pulse.

Bond relaxed under his touches, eyes closing as he unwound. He broke into whimpering, the sound needy and desperate. He needed to come

Q let Bond's pre-cum smear over his fingers as lube, and kept his touch just enough to make James come without being too much.

"Can you come for me?" His voice was a warm honeyed tease in Bond's ear, a seductive net to catch him.

Bond came with a breathless cry. His head fell back as he shuddered. It wasn't a crashing orgasm that he was used to, but something slow and rolling that rippled through him in waves, leaving him soft and playable.

Q kissed him down from the orgasm and bent to lick Bond's belly clean. He kept their fingers wrapped together and nuzzled at James sleepily.

"What about you?" James asked, knowing that Q was probably as hard as he had felt. James was falling backwards, captured by soft pillows, he relaxed.

"I can wait," Q curled up against James. "I'm enjoying not waking up alone again." Tesla chose that moment to appear bouncing across the foot of the bed, stalking Q's foot with a wiggle.

Bond jerked a little, frowning. The loss of his primary sense was still unnerving. "The cat?" He asked.

"Yes," Q giggled. "Perhaps I should let your hands free so you can explore though. You know... see if you can find your way around me without your eyes." He put Tesla back into the cage next to the bed.

Bond smiled and bristled with something like pride. He had earned the reward from his master. He shivered... "Perhaps later you should show me your closet..." He mused.

"I did promise, didn't I?" Q unbuckled the handcuffs and kissed the pads of each of Bond's fingers, sucking them into his mouth in turn.

He smirked and pulled his fingers away, skimming over his neck and through his shirt. By touch, he started to undo the buttons, one at a time until he had a bare chest to touch.

Q sighed into his touch, relaxing into the strong hands. He let himself fall into Bond's arms, careful to avoid the stitches. Bond knew by now how he liked to be touched, and Q let himself feel what was going through his head at warp speed, a combination of love, lust, and relief.

The lack of sight was hardly a hindrance, the man knew what he was doing. With sweeping, exploratory touches, he pulled Q's clothes off and touched his tongue too the tip of his cock

Q moaned and gripped Bond's hair in his fingers. He let himself give in to the warmth of his mouth, and the hands holding him steady.

Bond was soft as he slowly took Q into his mouth, slow exploring. He licked and kissed and bit slowly. Q hummed, and stretched like a cat. James’s fingertips made every one of his nerves sing, and he could feel his skin break out in goosebumps. He shivered from the light touches, James teasing him erect.

“Baby,” he tugged James’s hair in his fist. “Don’t tease.” He rutted his hips against his lover, a languid rub of his cock against James’s warm tongue. 

Q felt the orgasm blossom in his stomach, a warm heat that radiated from his cock to his finger nails. He stretched languidly as he came, Bond's mouth pulling his pleasure from him. 

Swallowing rapidly, Bond licked his lips, a pleasurable hum on his lips. He crawled up beside Q again.

Q took the blindfold off of James and sat up. He was loathe to let the morning end and go back to normal, so he settled for shrugging on Bond's dress shirt, unbuttoned, with a pair of briefs. He wrapped James in one of his bath robes, untied so it didn't drag against the stitches. 

With the collar and the cuffs, James knew he looked good and he moved with confidence. Following Q. "Tea?" He offered, pausing to look at Q, massaging a knot in his shoulder.

"Thank you, James," Q's smile was bright. "That would be lovely. I will make breakfast. What would you like?"

"Something filling, I'm starving," the agent replied and proceeded to raid his cupboards

Q gave him a fond smile, and checked the refrigerator. He was enjoying the sight of James confident in the collar and cuffs. There was a visible difference between 007, and James, who called him Sir. Bond's step was lighter, his shoulders were straighter, and there were less frown lines at the corners of his eyes.  
"Full English, it is. How many pieces of toast do you want?" He rubbed a hand against the small of Bond's back as he passed.

"Two, please, and only on the condition that you let me deal with dinner," the agent grinned with mischief as the kettle went on and hot water was poured over the two mugs of tea. "And we need to get you a pot of coffee."

"Ok, if you let me do dishes," Q agreed. "Seduction by cooking, James? Careful, I may keep you. I don't know about coffee though, that's so... American."

"Who said anything about eating in?" Replied the agent mildly before grinning savagely. "And the coffee is a deal breaker. It appears or I will be disappearing to go find it, and you really don’t want me leaving like this!."


	3. Chapter 3

"I can make you espresso, or regular coffee," Q laughed and was delighted that Bond was laughing too. When had he ever looked this relaxed? Q had no idea when. "I usually save it for emergencies, like after I am awake for more than 24 hours. What do you like?"

"Regular is fine. I have a coffee machine in my apartment. It's probably the only thing I have brought in the last ten years that has any real, practical application to life. Suits don't count."

"Then I will impress you with my cappuccino skills another day," Q chuckled. "Can you hand me the coffee on top of the fridge?" He flipped the bacon and stirred the beans, catching the coffee as Bond tossed it too him. "You do a very good job serving, Mister Bond. I will be sure to commend your owner."

Bond snorted. "I wouldn't be too hasty, sir. He might get big headed, thinking he had tamed the beast and all that..."

"I get the feeling if you still have a mouth like that, your Master is very lenient," Q tried not to laugh. "Either that or he is pulling his hair out and going mental. You are quite a bit to handle."

Bond was chuckling and looked proud, damn proud to be a lot to handle. "Oh really? Lenient? What happens when a dom is not lenient?"

"They punish you for having a smart mouth," Q grinned. "But I dare say you would never sit again if you got spanked every time you were being yourself."

"Also, my master would be horrified if I stopped being myself. He is supposedly one of my bosses, you know, although he seemed determined to get me naked and keep me naked,” Bond added.

"I think if he took you this way, he expected you to stay yourself," Q laughed. "And you do paint a pretty picture naked, although I would imagine he doesn't let you out of the house like that. Someone might steal you. Maybe I should ask if you are for sale,” said Q, looping a finger through the ring and tugging Bond down for a kiss.

"You shouldn't say such things, sir, my master will be jealous," James kissed back slowly, "that and my ego is inflated enough."

"Hmmm," Q ran his hands down Bond's arms, and held his hands by the D rings in the cuffs. "I think your Master knows how lucky he is, and has no intention of letting anything happen to you. And as for your ego, well I'm sure that's just part of the package."

"Unfortunately for you, yes it is," Bond leant in and stole a kiss.

"I think I have learned to tolerate it," Q sighed contentedly against his mouth. "How about I feed you so we can get back to doing nothing important for the rest of the morning?"

He nodded his consent, pleased to be asked. The feeding was still strange but it was rather… thrilling. "Where do you want me, sir?"

"Let's sit on the floor, you can come sit on my lap and I can feed you," Q handed James two plates. "I will get a blanket and meet you in the living room."

When Gabriel returned, he found Bond with the kitten and the kitten very much trying to wrestle Bonds hand into submission, whilst being fascinated by the D ring. 

"Are you two having fun?" Q smiled at them. He spread the blanket in front of the coffee table. "Come here, you two. What am I going to do with you, hmm?" He fed Tesla a tiny piece of bacon, and the kitten growled at him for more.

"I suppose I can't exactly say he started it considering I'm an awful lot bigger," mused the agent thoughtfully.

"You could," Q laughed. "I might also tell you to pick on someone your own size. Come here, James." Q sat and patted the space in front of him. "Leave Tesla to fight the bacon, I made enough for both of you."

James came over and sat down in front of him, cross legged, but relaxed as he sat, watching the ginger fluff ball out the corners of his eyes.

"So, anything you want to talk about, since we have all weekend?" Q fed him a rasher of bacon. "Knowing you, I am sure there is more than one question wobbling around in that brain of yours."

Bond shrugged slightly as he chewed the bacon and washed down the meat with the coffee he held. "I don’t think so..."

"Anything you want to do after breakfast, other than exploring the closet?" Q asked.

"I'll go for a run later... But I'm curious about your closet," he admitted, holding the mug.

"Whenever you are ready," Q fed him some eggs. "You can go look around while I do dishes, or do you want to wait for me?"

Bond scoffed. "Wait for you, of course."

"Ok, I'll put the dishes in the dishwasher," Q offered him more toast. "You finish eating. And no fighting with the cat, she has had more than enough to eat." Q paused in the doorway and watched them, a quiet smile of contentment.

Bond waited until Q was gone before sneaking a little bit of sausage to the cat and was soon bringing the plate and cup out, nursing a scratched thumb where Tesla had decided to assert her dominance over his hand by biting it.

"I did tell you for a reason," Q laughed. "Do you need more coffee?"

"I just feel rather pathetic because she won... and please..." he said as he sucked on the wounded thumb, watching Gabriel with a curious gaze. "Also at some point today I should probably go back to mine... clothes will be required at some point."

"Shall we get that out of the way first?" Q asked. He poured James another cup of coffee and handed it to him with a kiss. "You should be able to find a shirt of mine that will fit you. Something soft that doesn't pull at your stitches. And this time, don't tease the cat! You don't want to explain to everyone at work how a one pound kitten got the best of the scariest 00 agent we have."

Bond took the coffee and leant back against the counter, sipping the hot liquid with contentment. "We could do, I suppose," he replied slowly.

Q couldn’t help it though, he ran his hands down Bond's chest.   
"Although you do look," he licked his lips, "VERY good like this."

Bond chuckled wickedly. "Absence makes the heart go fonder? Or do you want to show me your cupboard now?" He asked smirking.

"Absence makes me worry, is what it does," Q retorted. "Go, you!" He swatted him on the bum and shooed him towards the bedroom.

Chuckling, Bond went to the bedroom and sat on the bed to watch him as he came in, drinking the coffee as he did.

"So... I don't think you are going to want to use anything that causes pain, especially injured," Q took out a long bullwhip. "But this is fun. Go stand facing the wall for me love."

Bond raised an eyebrow, a slightly suspicious look in his eyes. He knew what a whip could do, and although he enjoyed the biting, he was still highly suspicious. But a whip? He went slowly, and faced the wall.

"Put your hands on the wall," Q's voice went stern. "Whatever you do, don't turn around." He flicked the whip enough to make the leather snap. 

Bond hand to work not to get angry, defensive or drop Q out the window when he used that voice. He did so, shrugging the robe off as he did. It pooled around his ankles.

Q could feel the tension radiating off of Bond. He stepped closer to lick at his spine, while cracking the whip to the side. "Stay still for me, that's it," he stepped back and flicked the whip to the other side, and his voice went soft. "Can you feel me touching you still?"

Bond groaned and his knees quaked. He arched and nodded, closing his eyes, the ghost of his tongue running up his back.

"Can you feel me touching your cock?" Q's voice was warm honey in his ear. "I want you so hard you can't stand it." He flicked the whip against the wall next to James.

Bond jerked at the sound, the threat of it running through him. What would that feel like, running over his skin? Words left him. He moaned as he slowly responded to the words, trembling and hard… painfully so.

"Now remember, I told you not to move," Q's voice danced over his skin. "I want you so turned on, that you are leaking." He flicked the whip at Bond's heels, a whisper of air. "But don't come yet."

Bond groaned, his fear and his pleasure running through him. He shuddered. " Yes sir..." He breathed.

"Can you feel my tongue on you? I want you begging before I let you come. I want you to feel my tongue in your arse, and my hands in your hair."

He could feel the ghost of a tongue over his skin, lapping, teasing and soothing. Hands on his hips and Bond shook with tension. He squirmed at the words, as if hands were raking across his body. 

"James," Q let his voice slip deeper to tease the agent. "Can you do something for me?"

Bond moaned. He was hard, painfully so, and he could not take much more of it. "Sir?"

"I want you to come for me," Q snapped the whip by Bond's head. "Come for me. Now. Right now!"

Bond came with a roar, clawing at the wall as his knees buckled and he shuddered violently. Hot thick come came from the tip of his cock and he felt himself land on his knees.

Q dropped the whip and caught him around the shoulders. He nuzzled at his neck and licked the sweat from Bond's temple.

Bond whined, his body quivering with the aftershocks. He twitched and felt detached and be turned into Q slowly, whimpering. He felt weak as a newborn, and horribly vulnerable... And he clawed at Q, shaking, as if he couldn't get close enough.

"I have you," Q held Bond as close as he could, tears in his eyes. "I told you, I'm not going to let you go." He kept James wrapped in his arms, safe.

James stayed there until he seemed to settle and slowly he began to come back to himself. "You didn't use the whip..."

"On you?" Q asked. "Of course not. I said I wouldn't hurt you."

Bond shuddered again and put a hand over his heart. It rabbeted under his palm, going a mile a minute, just from anticipation. "Then... Why... How..." He scowled at the wall. "I hate words."

"Then why the whip?" Q asked. "Because it means you trust me not to hurt you. At any point, you could have used your safe word, or even attacked me."

"What would happen if I did use my safe word?" He asked, suddenly curious as he shifted against Q.

"I would stop," Q petted his hair. "No questions asked. Didn't I do that at the cottage?"

"True..." He mused and felt oddly sleepy, leaning against Q like an overgrown cat. His head was very much in subspace although he recognised it this time. He wasn't sure he liked it.

"Do you want to rest for a bit?" Q asked. He reached for a blanket.

"I don't think I could stand yet," his legs felt like jelly and he shivered. "I can stay here and get reacquainted with everything below my waist and you can continue your talk of the cupboard. We've covered the whip."

Q kept his arms wrapped around him.  
"Well, there's another flogger, the Saint Andrew's Cross, some other restraints, a cock ring that will look very good on you..." Q's voice trailed off as he bit at Bond's ear lobe.

"Cock ring? That's the thing that stops you coming?" His head turned to let Q bite.

"Mmm hmmm..." Q nibbled down his neck. "For another time, when you haven't already. And, oh... there is the swing..."

"Swing?" James's eyes closed and he squirmed.

"Swing..." Q nodded. "Makes the angle easier to have sex."

"Ah..." He said softly, closing his eyes and playing with Q's fingers absently.

"For another time..." Q entwined their fingers. "When you haven't been shot and you can fuck me properly."

James frowned and he was suddenly stiff, a rigidness in his body. "And when is it my turn to get fucked?" He asked slowly, voice dripping with something cold now. Something dangerous.

"Your turn?" Q asked softly. "I didn't think that was something you wanted. And it isn't a requirement."

James faltered and frowned. That hasn't been the answer he had expected, not at all. "The idea of it makes me very nervous..." He had a lot of damage after Le Chiffre, and the scars from the surgeries to save his testicles were tender things.

"Well, if that's something you want to try sometime, you can tell me," Q assured him. "Whatever you want to give, remember? I wasn't lying, or trying to convince you to do something you didn't want." 

"Then... What do you get out of this?" He asked softly, turning to Q.

"I get to be with you," Q smiled. "And I get to take care of you, and love you, no matter how hard that is for you to hear."

James visibly flinched at that word, his body jerking at those words and he made a sleepy noise of protest.

"Shhh," Q soothed. "I know. But sooner or later you will really believe it."

"I highly doubt it, Gabriel," James said ever so softly, as if he was a million miles away.

"Someday you will change your mind," Q kissed his hair. "Sleep, James. I will be here." James didn't respond. He was already asleep, the force of his orgasm having shaken him to the core. His breaths were long and deep, slow. The man sighed in his sleep, and nestled into Gabriel.

Q smiled at the man in his arms, and settled down to watch him sleep. And no one would be the wiser if he murmured "I love you" one more time while James couldn't hear.

The problem was that James did believe it. He believed it too much and every time Q said it, he was more and more glad of it. He slept for a while until the nightmares came and he started to thrash and groan in his sleep, kicking.

James didn't wake. Instead, he dived unto the water, swimming after her. She had taken the key! What was she doing? He could save her, protect her. She turned... But those long brown locks shrank, and she shrank. Q, Gabriel turned to look at him.

He smiled sadly at James and James watched him gulp water and die. He watched the moment of panic… and he saw the moment of death. He screamed and rattled the metal bars, leaning back to kick desperately.

"Hey, James," Q shook him. "Ow, wake up love. It's a dream." He tried to wake James from the nightmare, which had taken them both unaware. Q had dozed off, and awoken to James fighting his demons in his sleep. 

Bond woke with a startled gasp, panic in his eyes.

"What?" Gabriel could see the panic in his eyes. "What James, What is it? I'm here with you."

He swallowed, and nodded, forcing himself to breathe slowly.

"Tell me?" Gabriel pleaded. "I know it was bad." He took Bond's hand.

He rubbed between his eyes, pulling away from Q. His throat worked as he calmed himself down. "It was just a dream, Q... Just a dream..."

"About what? I feel like you are two seconds from running, and I don't know what to do," Q's anxiety bled through into his voice.

James didn't answer for a good few minutes. In that time he gathered himself... Composed himself. He exhaled soft, somewhat resigned.

"I dreamed about Vesper... But it was you in that lift shaft."

"Oh James," Q leaned in to kiss the tears from his eyes. "No, I won't be there betraying you. I'm here to bring you home safe. You will never have to question if I am loyal, and whether you should save me anyway."

"I know..." And he realized as he said it that he did know. "I... Need to be alone for a while. I'm going to do a few things."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Q's quote about the vampires comes from an old coworker of mine.

Bond lifted Q’s wrist and then glanced at the watch there.. "I'll pick you up at seven? I'm not running, I just need some space and some air."

"Ok," Q smiled, hoping he did not look as relieved as he felt. "Thank you for telling me. What should I wear? I'm assuming we aren't popping down to the chip shop?"

"Do you have anything that is classed as a suit?" Bond asked with a smirk as he slowly unpealed the collar from his throat, "Yes, I even have something that is classed as a tuxedo!" Q retorted with a smile. "I need it for MI6 parties, department head, remember?"

"And haven't you noticed my lack of presence at MI6 parties?" Bond added with a smirk as he handed the cuffs to Q, then the collar on top.

Q took the collar and put it back in the box, and put the cuffs in the drawer on the side of the bed where Bond had slept.  
"I was just telling you. I can find Savile Row, my phone has GPS. Just tell me how fancy?"

Bond caught his lips and kissed him. "Nothing too ostentatious. Don't you have anything in your wardrobe? Save Savile Row for when I take you on a proper date."

"I have something," Q kissed him, and a slow smile was blooming on his face.. "A proper date? Are you doing to wine and dine me, Mr. Bond?

Bond pulled on his trousers and although his smile didn't quite reach his eyes, he seemed stable enough. "I am going to wine and dine you, Q."

"I will be waiting for you tonight," he looked at James, trying not to let his fear show. Ws he running? He hoped not, or at least, hoped James would tell him before he went and slept with someone else. "Just, be careful, please?"

He nodded and smiled, taking his hand and kissed the back of it. "I'll be fine, Q," he said softly.

Q nodded.  
"I need to shave and do laundry, I will see you at 7." He was going to worry regardless, but that was part of their lives, being apart. He watched as Bond dressed and then he was gone, and Q felt bereft

.... 

At seven exactly, Bond was at the door. He looked incredible as he leant against the door frame, his suit pristine and perfect, his tie the same tan colour of the collar... complete with silver thread. He leant in the doorway, watching Q. "You thought I wasn't coming, weren't you?" he mused with a smirk as his eyes went up and down him, taking in every fine detail.

"I was just worried I went through all this trouble for nothing," Q teased. He was in a black suit, with a white shirt and red tie. "I don't dress up like this other than work. I feel like I am back in school at graduation."

Bonds gaze roamed him, up and down. There was a hunger in that gaze, a carnal lust. "Oh, I am so having you for desert," he said. The outfit was appreciated, or so it seemed.

Q giggled, felt like a teenage girl, so then he blushed a very similar colour to his shirt.  
"Whatever James.... he pulled the door shut behind him. "So tell me, where are we going?"

"To my car, first. It's downstairs," he shot back with a smile.

"Ok, I can take a hint," Q took his arm with a laugh. "Are you going to blindfold me as well?"

"Hmm... Maybe..." He tuned and kissed Q lightly. "You should probably check my tie..." On the other side, words were embroidered _Property of Q. If found, return to Q branch_.

Q smiled.  
"You're wonderful. And such a brat! No running off and getting lost on me, mid date. This is the first date I have ever been on."

James chuckled, knowing that he would like it, the symbolism. It meant that he was serious about them. Even if he was still unsure of all the semantics, he was giving them a chance, giving Q the chance.

"So, Mr. Bond," Q's eyes sparkled. "Sweep me off my feet." He leaned in to kiss him as Bond opened the car door for him.

They drove to a small, ridiculously up market restaurant. They got out and Bond handed the keys to the valet and accepted a ticket in return before they swept inside. The room was full of people at tables, and when he stated the reservation to the waiter, they were lead through to a window seat, overlooking the Thames.

Q let himself be charmed, like he was in a fairy tale. After all of the stress of the past month, he was more than happy to let himself fall into Bond's ocean blue eyes. And when Bond pulled out his chair, he let himself wish that James was about to get down on one knee.

They were seated and then the waiter came over to take drinks ordered and rattle off a list of specials. Bond ordered champagne and water for them both before relaxing back into his chair,

"You will have to order for me, it's too much to decide," Gabriel shook his head in wonder. "This is fantastic James, thank you. Being on the receiving end of your charm is a bit daunting though. Hard to live up to those leggy brunettes of yours. "

Bond snorted at that, and rolled his eyes. "Don't try. You’re a different league to them, this is..." He hesitated, "different," which, coming from Bond was practically a statement of undying love.

"A different league?" Gabriel teased him. "Ah yes, cardigan wearing boffin males aren't the usual fare for you." He brushed his hands against Bond's knuckles. "A toast, then?"

James poured him a glass of the champagne when it was delivered (after tasting it and saying that it was fine, of course), and poured it into a glass for him. "What shall we toast to?" He asked as he swirled the bubbling liquid..

"Coming home safe?" Gabriel suggested. "Every time."

James nodded. “I can deal with that,” he extended the glass. “To coming home safe,” he said, "and to feeling safe at home," something that they both needed.

Gabriel leaned over and kissed him.  
"Now tell me what to order, this is more your type of place than mine. I don't have the faintest idea what these food are."

“Well…” Bond stretched out, looking something like an overgrown feline, relaxed and poised. “I was going to go for a porterhouse steak… they are fantastic… maybe the soup for starters… but I can recommend the lobster… the scallops are good too… oh, and the lamb is fantastic. Tenderest lamb I have ever tasted… and I’ve changed my mind. I am going for the lamb,” he smacked his lips childishly and drew more than one look.

"Mmmm, are you sure you aren't on the menu?" Gabriel licked his lips. "Surprise me."

"Any likes? Dislikes? Allergies?" Purred the agent, ignoring the comment although he had smirked.

"Lamb sounds amazing, rare," Gabriel smiled. "And that fancy dessert they use a blow torch on?"

Bond smiled at that. "You mean creme brulee?" He said softly.

"Yes!" Gabriel looked like a kid on Christmas morning. "I always wanted to try that! Will you share it with me?"

Bond grinned. "I will, of course I will..." the waiter returned and Bond ordered. The lamb for them both, with all the sides. The waiter took their order and left them to the quiet in the corner of the restraint, overlooking the Thames.

"So, what do people talk about, on dates?" Gabriel smiled shyly. "Am I supposed to impress you with talking about all the great places I visit? Or books I read, or things I know? I don't have a lot of practice with all this."

"You think I do?" Bond asked, smiling slightly. "By the time I am taking people here, I'm really not that interested in the food... But seeing as I said I would try, apparently getting to know you comes next."  
In other words, he had gone for a drink with Alec and got his advice.

"I think you're not supposed to admit your evil intentions," Gabriel rolled his eyes. "But what do you want to know? Tell me something about you."

Bond shrugged and put on a purr. "I'm a Scorpio. I'm an avid reader and have been meaning to try fiction for years... I have a load of hidden weapons in my apartment that the old Q thought I lost on missions..." He shrugged. " I'm actually boring." 

"The old Q was actually smarter than you think," Gabriel laughed. "But no fiction? I'm a Gemini, I like a little bit of fiction to go with my overdose of reality. And poetry, as you know. And I'm the single dad of a one pound ball of fur. I wouldn't describe myself as boring though, I do have some fun things in my closet," he winked at Bond.

The soup arrived and Bond brandished a spoon a little. "You can recommend some fiction then," he replied, pointedly ignoring the closest comment.

"Well, I suppose it depends on what you want to read. I have all the nerdy classics, like Lord of the Rings," Gabriel laughed. "But then I have great fantasy, like Charles De Lint. And of course there is Anne Rice. I used to wait on the front porch when I was a boy, and wait for Lestat to come and make me a vampire. Suppose I should have known I was gay then, really."

Bond looked up on him, arching an eyebrow with a warm, teasing affection in his gaze. "I'm sorry, vampire?" He asked with amusement.

"I was an awkward gay teenager," Gabriel laughed. "I wanted to be dashing and smart. So instead of becoming a vampire, I discovered computers. I could be anyone I wanted to be."

The first course came over and James tapped the grilled cheese atop the soup with the side of his spoon. "And who did you want to be, Gabriel?" he asked as he broke through the layer to the French onion soup below it.

"Someone who had friends, someone people liked," he mused. "Someone who didn't get beat up at school for being smart."

Bond looked up at him from the soup, his eyes hard. "Do you want me to kill them?" he asked. He was serious, deadly serious.

"No, god no, James," He laughed, and took his hand. "It was a long time ago. That's really sweet, I appreciate it. But I think I won. I'm here."

James frowned and set down his spoon. "You must understand... I will have a very protective streak when it comes to you..." he warned, his voice soft.

"Thank you," he blushed and he could not help but smile. "And I will as well. But no one needs to die because of me unless they are attacking me James. A lot of things have happened to me. At least Silva is gone. But I feel like it's not over."

James shrugged at that. "004 cleared out the Cuban's, several copies of tapes were destroyed..." he said softly. "002 and 009 are hunting some more of his associates. If not now, then it will be over soon."

"I know... I just- it doesn't ever really end for us, you know? There will always be something or someone."

"Ah, you mean in general," James said and set his spoon down. "Darling... Look around you. All these people are safe... They sleep safe at night because people like us... We make the nightmares go away..."

"I suppose," Gabriel nodded. "I just wish there was an end in sight, a goal. So someday we wouldn't have to be so vigilant. It's not like a war that ends, it's like M told us. We are fighting a war in the shadows."

James nodded. He understood... Oh, he understood far too well. "We are shadows who fight shadows," he agreed and his hand moved across the table to seek out Gabriel's.

"Will we just stop existing, and no one will remember us?" He asked softly and then shook his head.  
"Never mind, you can't let me get maudlin. Are we allowed to dance to the band?"

James turned Gabriel's hand in his, and glanced to where couples were dancing. "Food first, dancing later," he said as their main dishes were brought to them.

"Oh!" Gabriel exclaimed. "It looks like a plate on a cooking show. It’s too pretty to eat."

Bond’s lips curled back into a slight smile at his words and relaxed into the chair to start eating slowly. "I think it tastes better than it looks."

Gabriel cut off a piece of lamb, and tasted it. His eyes got wide and he moaned in delight.  
"This is fantastic, I have to learn to make this."

James grinned savagely and the comment and nodded. "Yes... Yes it is," he said. The rest of the meal went well, and the lamb was followed by creme brulee. They laughed and talked like old friends, rather then two grown men on a first date. Once the alcohol started flowing, they both unwound and James watched Q’s delightly, enjoying having the chance to spoil someone. 

Gabriel watched the waiter bring out the blowtorch like a child at a birthday party.  
"I can see why you and Alec like fire and blowing things up!" He grinned as he fed James the first spoon.

"It's the easiest way to do things," Bond replied as he leant forward to take the mouthful of warm pudding, the sugar making a crunchy, textured layer.

"Well, I don't know," Gabriel was thoughtful. "That doesn't seem to work with us. We seem to have to talk things out like adults, perish the thought."

"You were present when I blew up the boat on the lake," he brandished his spoon. "You’re just as guilty as I am!"

"And us blowing up and yelling at each other?" Gabriel raised an eyebrow. "How successful was that?"

"We didn't die," replied the agent, smug as he fed his lover a spoonful of the desert.

"But did it solve anything?" Gabriel sighed with contentment and licked the spoon. "Face it, James. We're not lost boys anymore."

"No, we are intelligence agents, Gabriel... And we are good at it... Or have you lost your tact with more damage on your laptop then I can do a year in the field?"

"No, I haven't lost my tact," he remembered that phrase, the first time he had laid eyes on James. He had been terrified of handling his first 00 agent, and it was a mission that vetted him with fire. "Its just personal now, to get you home."

James set the spoon down and looked over at Gabriel, studying his face. "So what are you worrying about then? We are who we are..."

"I just get lost in my head, I'm sorry," Gabriel smiled. "Just thinking. I have someone to fight for again. It's a good feeling. So how does the rest of a date go, after dancing?"

Bond shrugged because the man had no idea how dates were supposed to go after dancing. "I leave you at your door and if I'm lucky get a good night kiss?" He asked, amusement in his voice.

"Are you running away on me again?" Gabriel teased with mock outrage. "I doubt Alec's couch is as comfortable as my bed. I'm a bit of a hedonist about pillows and sheets. But you don't get out of a dance."

"I do actually have a flat in London, you know... Bigger than yours..." Bond paused. "Were you serious... When you gave me the key?"

"Of course I was serious," Gabriel's face got wary. "I wouldn't joke about something like that. Sheets, yes. Living with me, no. I don't toy with people like that. And you said they sold your flat."

"I brought a new one - not that keen on it though... And although everyone says take things slowly, our lives are such a mess... Your flat is a little small for two, mines big enough for at least ten, plus pets... How about finding one together?" Bond drank wine for something to do because he wasn’t sure how he was reacting to that, let alone Gabriel. 

"T-together?" Gabriel's eyes got wide. "That's a big step for you, James. Are you sure you are ready for that?"

"Saying that is easier than explaining how I feel about you, Gabriel. I think so... I can't promise yet, but if you’re interested..."

Gabriel's eyes were suspiciously shiny.  
"I'd like that. But sooner or later, I would... like to hear it."

James nodded. "I know... But you need to give me time. I need to reach it in my own time..." He said softly.

"I don't mean tomorrow, or this year," Gabriel whispered. "Just... someday."

James smiled and found his hand, raising it to kiss the back of it. " You will..."

"It would be nice to not live in that small apartment, and have space for an office," Gabriel admitted. "Somewhere with lots of light and a balcony."

"What's wrong with your office at work?" Bond piped up curiously.

"I do other things besides tinker with electronics," Gabriel said, his ears turning red. "I write... too."

Bond blinked, evidently surprised by this. "What do you write? Can I read it?" He asked, and poured Gabriel another glass of wine.

"Um... poetry?" Gabriel blushed. "And stories sometimes. I can show you. But you can't laugh... its not... professional writing. It’s just therapeutic for me."

"After a everything we have done, you think I would laugh?" Bond stood and offered him his hand. 'Care to dance?"

"Oh yes... yes please," Gabriel got up. "I can show you later." He took Bond's hand and followed him to the dance floor. He settled against the hand cupped in the small of his back.

Bond smiled and his other hand found Gabriel's and they began to move. Bond lead, as was natural, and he lead well. Easy, confident grace.

Gabriel let his eyes drift close and settled his cheek against Bond's neck.  
"Can time just stop here for awhile?" He murmured softly, his lips moving against the other man's pulse

"Depends on weather I decide to drag you home and make love to you until you beg now or in a few moments," Bond said, shamelessly pressing his erection into his groin. They had a wonderful night... And now he wanted to end in a high.

"Ooh," Gabriel breathed. "Well I suppose that is worth going home for. But can we dance to one more song first?" He ground his own hard on back against James. "Please? I've never gotten to dance with a man before." He pressed a soft kiss against Bond's lips.

James dipped his head and kissed him softly. Slow, steady kisses for all the world to see, his eyes closing as he did, pausing as the rest of the world continued around them... They were completely alone in the storm.

"James?" Gabriel whispered as the kiss broke, and he looked up into Bond’s suspiciously shiny eyes. "Take me home?"

Neither of them saw the photo being snapped of them, the man slipping out the restaurant with a phone pressed to his ear.


	5. Chapter 5

James nodded slowly and guided him back to the table. He paid for the meal without bothering to look at the price and then took his hand and lead him out to the car park. The valet brought the car around and James opened the passenger door for him.

"Thank you, James," Gabriel kissed him as he slid into the car. "It was perfect. But take me home and make love to me, now."

James grinned. "Yes, sir," he growled and they drove. The journey was rather shorter than recommended - Q noted which red lights James ran, but could not bring himself to scold him - before Bond was pulling up outside Q's building.

Gabriel fumbled for the keys as James backed him up against the door with a hungry kiss. One hand was clutching the blond hair on his lover, and the other scratching at the lock ineffectively with his key.  
He finally got it open and they almost went sprawling, James catching him and keeping them upright just in time. James shoved the door closed with a little more force than was necessary, then he was on Q, kissing almost harshly. One hand was in his hair and the other was shoving off his jacket, seeking skin contact.

"Please, bed," Gabriel managed to beg between kisses. "Want you so much." He loosened Bonds tie and started on his shirt buttons.

Bond wasted no time and bodily scooped him up, without breaking the kiss and carried him into the bedroom. Carefully, he set him down and kissed hungrily, crawling over him like a panther.

Gabriel kept his arms wrapped around James, and threw everything he had into the kiss. He was being devoured, and he gave as good as he got.

James broke away, only to shove his shirt back over his shoulder. The kisses hungry and needy, he sunk into the bed with him, his fingers finding the buttons to undo them.

"Tell me what you want," Gabriel begged. "Anything, please."

"Just you," James replied between kisses as they pulled him down, tugging him on top of him.

Gabriel went for his belt, his fingers fumbling with the leather because he was pressed against James. He finally got it undone, and his trousers as well. 

Bond rolled and pulled him onto him, twisting his hands into Gabriel's hair as clothes were shed. "Gabriel... You know I care..." he said between breathless kisses.

"Of course," he leaned into Bond's touch, reveling in the feeling of the warm fingers pulling him into the other man's lips. "And I love you."

Bond shivered at the words as if they gave him a physical response. A thousand arguments came to him... Q shouldn't love him, Gabriel needed someone who could love him back as an equal, who could love him...but maybe, just maybe... Bond did.

"Now, I believe you said something about making love to me?" Gabriel kept his face tucked against Bond's neck, nuzzling at his shivering skin. It was the closest James got to the words, but he could feel it in his touch.

James hesitated for a moment before looking up at Q. He licked his lips. "I want you to make love... To me..." He said slowly.

Q did not waste time with silly comments like ‘are you sure?’ knowing that James gave a lot to say what he did. "Ok... I can do that," He whispered and Gabriel's eyes got suspiciously shiny. He finished undressing the agent, running his fingers over the scars on his torso. "You look gorgeous James, all laid out like a feast." He rolled him over gently, and kissed his way down his spine, a brush of lips for the know of each vertebrae. 

Bond squirmed and arched against him, pulling his hands in to his sides, clawing at the sheets. He was nervous, understandably so. His eyes closed and he groaned.

"Shhh love, I've got you," Q licked his way down to bite gently at the curve of his arse, and spread him open gently. He used his tongue in back and forth strokes, teasing his way until James begged. James cries were thready, needy and oddly high pitched as he squirmed.

Gabriel thrust his tongue in suddenly, tasting him. He wanted him relaxed, but an active participant, so he would remain calm, gently pushing. . "Grab me the lube in the bedside table, love."

Bond groaned with frustration, desperation and reached for it, chucking it back to him

"Easy," Gabriel caught the lube and smoothed his hands down Bond's back to soothe him. He rubbed the lube on his fingers until it got warm, and teased his fingers over Bond's opening to relax him to the idea.

"I'm fine," Bond replied softly, shuddering at the touch, a new and unfamiliar feeling. He whined, rutting into the sheets unconsciously.

"I know you're fine," Gabriel smiled against his skin. "But I want you more than fine, I want you enjoying it." He kept his touch soft, the pads of his fingers brushing inside of James with a gentle rub. 

Bond shifted and twisted slightly. "I need... To see you..." He said awkwardly, feeling his body tense. On his front, he was vulnerable. "Gabriel... Please..."

"Of course, Love," Gabriel turned him over and leaned in to kiss him reassuringly. "Anything you need." He cupped Bond's face in his hand and took his erection in the hand slicked with lube.

The change in him was instant, and he relaxed into the bedding, his eyes wide and oddly dark. The need to see was the survival instinct kicking in and he cupped Gabriel's face, kissing it lightly, comforting himself that he was okay, and this was the man he trusted. 

"There you go," Gabriel encouraged. He bent down to bite at Bond's nipple, and kept the light fingers on his cock. "You look lovely."

"I feel like an idiot," Bond distracted himself by kissing him sweetly before adding ruefully, "and a virgin," which was, in this sense, true. He lay back and his knees rose to lift his hips.

"Nah ah, none of that," Gabriel scolded. "No reason to feel like an idiot. And well, a virgin, it's new. I understand that. But I will be careful with you. Lay back and relax, yeah?"

"I know you will..." Bond flopped back. "I trust you."

Gabriel sighed and leaned down to capture his lips. He entwined his left hand through Bond's right and brought it to his lips to kiss. "Is there anything you need, love?" He slipped in one finger with a careful sigh.

"Only you..." He whispered as his eyes closed. He was more relaxed this time.

Gabriel attacked his mouth with a fierce cry of possessiveness. He leaned on top of Bond thrusting the one finger gently in and out in sync with his tongue.

Bond shuddered at the sensation. He wasn't sure if he liked it, wasn't sure at all. He twitched, and he felt the ring muscles stiffen at the intrusion before he made himself relax. This was okay... He was safe and this was Gabriel. He wanted to give this... To let someone know him completely.

Gabriel slipped in a second finger and continued to lave attention on Bond's nipples. He kept it soft, a light rubbing rather than a insistent movement. He was luxuriating in the feeling of James pliable and trusting beneath him.

"I love you..." The words came from Bond’s lips, his eyes wide and watching him, soft... Oddly hesitant. It was as if he wasn't sure what the reception would be, or even how to say it. "I really do, Gabe..."

"James?" Gabriel stopped what he was doing and looked down at him. "I love you too." He broke into the biggest smile of his life, although there were tears running down his cheeks. "I love you, so much."

Bond nodded and although his eyes were uneasy. "You're not supposed to cry..."

"I'm sorry," Gabriel laughed and wiped his eyes. "I'm just... happy. Really happy. No one has told me that since Z. I didn't think I would ever hear it again."

"Especially not from me?" Bond asked with a slight wry smile. "It felt right..." He said, nodding slowly. "I can't say it all the time..."

"Its ok, once, now...." Gabriel reached down to nuzzle at him. "It was more than I was ever expecting."

"It's true... You know that..." He said softly and dragged him down to kiss.

"Yes, of course I do," Gabriel sighed and laid his head under Bond's chin. "I think you needed to say it, more than I needed to hear it."

James hummed a noise that could have been a maybe and he rocked his hips lightly. "Um... Gabe..." He rocked his pelvis and hissed as the finger slid over the prostate.

"Yes?" Gabriel twisted the finger he still had inside James a bit, and added a second. "Did you think I had forgotten?" Bond tugged Gabriel down and kissed him slowly, rocking his pelvis up into the exploring finger, learning the sensation, feeling how his body responded.

"Hey, keep your eyes on me, James," Gabriel smiled down at him, his green eyes warm. "I want to see if you're ok."

James’ eyes opened and they burned. They burned with sheer need and when James opened his mouth to beg, the whine was what got free.

"Are you ready for me, Love?" Gabriel bumped their noses together in a oddly intimate gesture. "God, you're such a treat to have."

"Take me..." He whispered, clawing at his back, thrusting up to his fingers. "I need you..." He whispered.

Gabriel took out his fingers and rubbed the tip of his cock against Bond's opening. He teased at it, and groaned at the feeling of warmth sucking at him.

James shifted again, grabbing one of the pillows and shoved it behind his head and he watched with fascinated eyes as Q's cock, slick and warm, pushed against him.

"Just let me... Please James, let me come inside you. "

Bond nodded, gasping. A strange strange sensation, his head fell back. " Yes..."

Gabriel rubbed Bond's prostate gently, his cock sliding home inside him. "I love you James, don't ever doubt that, please."

Words failed and James watched him. How could this beautiful, wonderful man love him? Bond moaned, and blinked away the tears that filled his eyes. Too many emotions and the feeling of completeness, Bond was a mess.

No. Bond was whole.

"James, please love," he curled their fingers together. "Come with me. Baby, please." He was awestruck by the feeling of being inside his lover, usually the positions were reversed. He wanted James to feel as cherished as James made him feel, without the discomfort and awkwardness of it being new.

He sobbed his release against Bond's neck, a plea. A plea for his lover to feel safe, and complete. A plea to take this as his vow of devotion, because James had been betrayed so many times, that love frightened him.

In Bond, it started small at first, a slow build of something in his lower abdomen. It was a strange, new feeling that he didn't quite recognise what it was for a moment... Until lightning shot through him and set every nerve on fire and James came, and came hard. There was the vague realisation they he was shouting and then he saw stars.

"Wonderful, you're wonderful," Gabriel kissed James breathlessly. "Thank you." He stayed still for a moment to let them catch their breath, before he pulled out and laid down next to James. He pulled James close to him, so his head was resting over his heartbeat.

By the time that Bond was coming around, he was already starting to fall asleep. He tugged Gabriel up into his arms, rolled over protectively and let himself fall into darkness.

"Goodnight love," Gabriel laid a kiss on his forehead and let himself drift off as well.


	6. Chapter 6

Later that night, Bond awoke groggily. Something was wrong, he could feel it. He wasn’t sure what it was but a warning was singing in his blood. Sitting up, he looked around... his senses were alive, tingling. His hand went to Q, as the other went to his gun on the side. Slowly, he checked the clip and then he heard it.

A tiny ball of fluff, hissing and spitting. Tesla, guarding against intruders. 

He pulled on his pants and then kicked open the door, gun raised.

He managed to get two shots off, and someone screamed as they died. Bond staggered back as he was hit.

"Q," Bond shouted over his shoulder. "Window. Go!"

Q woke up with a start and didn't question Bond's words. He dove out the window onto the cement wrapped in the sheet. His heart was pounding, and he hadn't remembered his glasses or phone, so there was nothing he could do. He peered cautiously around the edge of the window frame when he heard the shots, because he could feel in his gut that something was wrong with James.

There was silence from the room and then a single, unfamiliar call. The accent was foreign but familiar... The boat.  
"Come back in here, Quartermaster,” said a soft, rich voice, filled with amusement. 

Should he go in? He was terrified why this man was capable of talking, but there was no sound coming from Bond. And he could still hear Tesla having a fit about the intruder. Not a good sign.

There was a sound, a gunshot and then a familiar cry. Bond. "The next one will be his head," warned the intruder.

Q came back in, his hand shaking. There was James, too much blood for comfort. He knew what the agent was capable of enduring, but this time it was his partner that was there hurting, not Agent 007.

James was on his knees, his hands cuffed behind his back with Q's shackles, which was a violation in itself. Blood dribbled from the wound in his upper chest. Although it was not a life threatening injury, it clearly hurt. The man had Bond's own Walther pressed against his forehead.  
The man looked at Q, and arched an eyebrow. "You might want to put some clothes on, Gabriel," Bolivar sneered.

He froze. There was no one from his old life who knew where he was, and knew that name. But the fact that the man had Bond's gun, meant that his own was out of ammo. And that was the one Q has painstakingly coded to only Bond's hand print. Even he himself had not fired it after the modifications had been made.

There was James, in the leather cuffs that Q knew were his measurements to the centimeter, based on the suit measurements in his file. Bleeding. He didn't stop to think. He launched himself at the man, fists raised.

James reacted with it, rising and slamming his shoulder into the man, knocking him down. "Q, go," Snapped the agent, nodding too where the car keys were and his phone. "Now!" It was an order. The links between the cuffs bent and snapped as he tugged, freeing his arms.

He grabbed the cat and grabbed his laptop and threw it in his messenger bag with his emergency tech. 

Bond had gotten his gun back and was chasing Q down when he froze. Q had a laser sight over his heart.

"Q," Bond said slowly, "Do not move."

Q had already seen it, and was terrified.

"James, Tesla!"

A slow voice came from the stairs where they had fled. "Mr. Bond... If you would be so kind as to stay... I'd very much like to chat... My name is Sergeant Bolivar... I have a proposition..."  
Bond didn't look at Q, but his mouth moved silently. "Go to HQ... Get Eve to call Alec..." He said under his breath as he raised his hands and let the gun clatter to the floor.

Q ran for it, tears streaming down his face as he went.. He grabbed his phone and had Alec on the phone before he got to the garage. He was leaving the man he loved behind… and he knew he had no choice. Heart breaking, he sped to MI6 breaking several traffic laws as he went… He wouldn’t have stopped even if he was chased.

Alec was there when Q arrived, and he was armed and ready, as was 004, a young, serious man with dark eyes and more hair than was recommended for this line of work. Eve was waiting with them, as was Mallory. They all stopped talking as Q sped in, skidding to a halt. 

"Where?" Alec growled.

"My apartment," Q felt the adrenaline hitting him. "I thought we were safe."

Mallory gestured Q forward.  
"Come on, Q. Eve, bring tea. I - why is your jacket moving?"

"Oh!" Tesla's head poked out. "I was adopted, I'm afraid."

Tesla stuck his head out and meowed. Eve fell in love, there and then. They gathered up in Mallory's office and Q was gestured to sit. "Now. What happened?"

"We woke up this morning, and someone was in the apartment. I went out the window and James shot him. But then as we were getting away, someone had a sniper target on me. Bond is injured, but not so badly. The man that has him, his name is Sargent Bolivar. James said to get to Alec and Eve and let them know. Who is this?”

Eve and Mallory exchanged a look and Eve left, closing the door behind her - pausing only to scratch the cat's ear. "Bolivar is in London... this is not good news..." he leaned back, regarding Q with thought.

"Bolivar works for a group of people, a terrorist cell, who are slowly growing. He is their... hit man. He is a twisted son of a bitch," and now was for the killer blow. "One of their associates, this group... was Raoul Silva."

Q turned pale as a sheet. "I- I should have expected that. And they have James. What do I do, Mallory? He is being held captive, with bullet wounds, because of me. Me and those damn tapes of me and Z."

Mallory shook his head a little. "You let 006 and 004 do their jobs, Q," Mallory said gently. "You wait. Afterwards... well, we have some rooms in the building, I should imagine Bond will be in medical for a few days... The cat..." he looked down at the ginger ball of fluff, "can stay."

"At least let me get on comms and run surveillance," Q begged. "I've never felt so helpless before. I know what they are capable of, and they have James."

"You understand that relations within MI6, especially with the agents are..." He paused, examining Q slowly with a roaming gaze, "not encouraged?"

"I can write you my resignation now, if you'd like?"

Mallory regarded him thoughtfully and arched an eyebrow at him. He hadn't quite been expecting the defensiveness that Q presented him.

Something flashed on his computer. "006 and 004 are at yours now."

Q held on to Tesla.  
"He's no longer there, I'm sure?"

Mallory didn't answer him for a moment, apparently following a feed then he winced. "He's there... And Bolivar has escaped..."

Q stood... as if to run, and then sat back down. He had never seen Mallory show that sort of reaction before.  
"How bad is it?"

Mallory just shook his head. "He's alive... Unconscious. Naked. Bleeding... It looks like he didn't fight back..." He looked at Q and the thoughts were obvious. Bond had allowed himself to stay to give Q the chance to escape.

Q swallowed. He felt ill. "I didn't ask him to," he said quietly. "He could have run. I came back because he had been shot."

Mallory waved a dismissive hand. "None of that matters now, Q. We need to hunt down Bolivar."

"What can I do to help? I assume Bond will be in Medical for quite some time."

"You can help by not getting killed, Q, or doing anything stupid... Ah. Alec is on his way back to the building. Go down to medical and wait."

And there it was. He had stopped being treated as the Quartermaster, and become Bond's significant other, sent away to wait. He sighed. At least he would be there with James.

It was an hour, almost two when doors were thrown open and doctors rushed out to meet the incoming patient. Q really didn’t get a chance to speak to Bond, but Alec was there… and he was furious. He pinned Q to the wall. “I should kill you for this,” the Russian snarled.

Q winced. His conscience was already beating him up that James was injured because of him.  
"He was protecting me, I’m sorry, Alec. I asked him not to let them get me again."

Alec punched him. Hard. 

“That man was fucking him, you piece of…” Alec had to be pulled away from Q, but not before he threw something at Q’s feet. 

The collar. 

Property of Q.

Q folded into a ball with a whimper, the collar clutched in his hand.  
"And Silva was fucking me," he whispered, not sure if Alec heard.

He didn't hear but mainly because he didn't want to hear. Alec would kill anyone who knew what had happened and Gabriel had made an enemy when he espoused his best friend too hurt.  
Time went on. M, Tanner and Eve came to see him, the latter to sit with him for a while until the Doctor came out, pulling off scrubbs as he went.

Gabriel clutched at Eve's hand. He never thought he would be in this position, waiting for news. It was worse than being the patient himself.

"Q. Are you wanting for 007?" The doctor asked after a moment, giving him a curious look. How much did he know?

"Yes, he's my partner. 006 said he was raped. And I was there when he was shot as well."

Eve squeezed Gabriel's hand gently and smiled reassuringly. The doctor nodded slowly. "Yes. He had one bullet in his chest, another in his lower abdomen. 006 was correct, and as I understand, it was at gunpoint. We have run a full battery of tests to check for STI's and so on."

“Can I see him?”

The doctor looked like he was going to refuse before a look from Eve changed his mind. The doctor nodded and waved him on. "Last room on the left."

Gabriel handed Tesla to Eve, and walked down the hall like he was walking to his death.

"James," he whispered from the doorway. "I'm so sorry. You should have just shot me like I asked, and escaped. I was supposed to keep you safe."

The agent was asleep, the steady beep beep beep of the monitor was the only sound in the room. Eve breezed behind him and set the kitten on his shoulders. “Keep Tesla with you… you both need something cute and fluffy… I’ll make sure you’re not disturbed…” she winked and waited outside the room, closing the door.

Gabriel sat next to the bed, and took James's hand. Tesla pounced down and pawed at James's fingers, to be petted.

"We have to wait for Da to wake up, love."

James slept for several hours as the kitten romped over him, making a general nuisance of herself. Eventually, the blonde opened his eyes, and although they were filled with pain, he raised a hand to pet the kitten who rubbed past his face.

Gabriel stayed quiet, biting his lip to keep from rambling. He just squeezed the cold fingers in his own and curled up as small as he could in the chair.

Slowly, spitting orange fur as he did, Bond turned his head to look at Gabriel. Relief filled his gaze. "They let you bring a kitten here?" He asked at the finger ball of fluff wrestled his hand into submission.

"Y-yes," he couldn't meet Bond's eyes. "The doctor was more scared of Eve than the germs. Can I get you anything?"

"Gabriel, look at me," he said softly. "It's... It's okay. "Don't you dare blame yourself..."

"Its my fault though!" he sobbed. "I told you when we were on the boat. Just shoot me and get away somewhere safe. It's never going to end. They are going to find everyone I ever love."

"Not if I get them first..." His hands found Gabriel's and he squeezed. "I am alive, okay? No more tears."

"But it's my fault, I couldn't protect you," he rubbed his nose on his sleeve. "Even Alec hates me."

"Of course it's not your fault. Are you hurt?"

"Just a little sore, Alec hits hard," he put his head down on James's chest.

"He hit you?" He said, suddenly dangerous even though he was looking weak, and rather pathetic.

"He was scared, he didn't mean to," Gabriel winced. "Our first interaction wasn't exactly a positive one, me having to come and get him. I don't think he will ever forgive me."

"Yes..." Bond went vacant, and shuffled over in the bed, wincing as he did. "Get under the covers, love. Try and sleep..."

"Are you sure?" Q protested. "I don't want to hurt you." All he really wanted was to be wrapped in James's arms, but he was afraid to scare him.

"Gabe, I'm fine..." He was too uncomfortable to concentrate, having the disturbing feeling that he was repressing everything. It would have to come up in time. His hand went to his neck for a moment, his face a frown... Then he snapped out of it. "Get in."

Q pressed against him, the collar still in his pocket. Tesla curled up between them, finally calming down now that her dads were together.

Bond hummed and stroked the cat. "She seems to like me..." He mused thoughtfully, yawning.

"Of course she does, did you see her collar?" Q broke into a small smile. Around her neck was the match to Bond's.

Bond made a sound and his hand went to his throat, clearly uncomfortable. He shifted again.

Q handed him the collar.  
"You may not want to wear it, right now. But you can hold it," he whispered.

He pushed it away from him, his hand shaking a little... But instead, he twisted his fingers with Gabriel's, before wriggling closer and closing his eyes.

Gabriel wrapped the collar around his wrist and huddled into Bond's arms. Their fingers stayed clutching each other, feeling safer falling asleep with the lights on.


	7. Chapter 7

Gabriel would awake to the sound of shouting and Bond tearing from the bed, and pinning the poor doctor to the wall, knocking the syringe from his hand. The poor doctor was only doing his job, but trying to inject 007 while he was asleep was just stupid.

"James!" he shouted. "You're safe!" He grabbed the doctor and pulled him away from Bond. "Hey, look at me!" 

The agent bellowed like an animal, the syringe pressed into the man's throat. But slowly, with much coaxing, he started to relax. 

"Hey, James, look at me!" Gabriel took his arm. "Love, please, look at me. Come here, you're safe." He wrapped the agent in his arms and led him to sit back on the bed.

James paused on his way back to bed to pluck the kitten up as he went, by the scruff but she was hissing and spitting. "I don't want to stay here..." He said darkly... But they could not go home.

"I don't have anywhere we can go," Q frowned. "Unless your place is secure? And we can bring guards with us."

"I'm capable..." Bond said sullen, narrowing his eyes

"You are, but you are also wounded," Q said shakily. "And we can't have too much backup right now. I would feel a lot safer if you would at least bring Alec or Eve."

Bond winced as he sat down on the bed and the doctor looked on, worried. "Ill stay..."

"Ok," Eve had brought a box and some food for the kitten, and Gabriel tripped in the water bowl on his way to the bed. "Shit!" He sat down hard on the bed. 

Bond watched as Gabriel tripped in the bowl and slowly, very slowly, began to giggle... But it didn't take long for the giggles go turn into laughter. Full oh, coming from the pit of your belly, laughter...the hysterical, slightly unhinged kind

Gabriel looked at him with wide eyes, and then started to laugh as well.  
"It's never going to be dull with us love, is it ?" He wrapped James in his arms.

He shook his head slowly. "Don't... Make me... Laugh... Hurts...'

"Well if you're going to laugh every time I'm clumsy," Gabriel giggled. "At least you'll always be smiling."

Eventually the heaving laughter settled a little into something that didn't make him wince every time he took a breath. "I can honestly say if I didn't laugh, I'd cry.'

"Yeah, its a shitty feeling," Gabriel agreed. "You can go," he informed the terrified doctor. "MI6 methods for dealing with Agent trauma are rubbish," he declared darkly.

"Drug them until they become someone else's problem?" He suggested, shifting on his back and watching as Tesla trampled over him.

"Band aid over a problem and tell you it makes you stronger?" Gabriel laid his head on his shoulder and rubbed Tesla's ears. "We'll make it, James. I promise."

He snorted dryly and rolled over to make room. "Don't need a band aid. I just need to get back to work, Gabriel," he said slowly.

"James-" Gabriel bit his lip. "I don't think shooting someone is going to help this time. It will make us safe. But it won't make you forget."

His expression was hard, cool and dangerous. The kitten gave him a warning growl and he stopped to pet her. "What's done is done, Q, there's nothing to remember." 

"It comes back, whether you want to or not," Gabriel shook his head. "My flashbacks... It shows back up James. And better to do it in a safe place then become immobilized when you least expect it."

Bond huffed. "Are you going to join the kitten and me in this bed or what?" He asked impatiently. Subject closed.

"Yes," Gabriel curled up with his ear on James's heartbeat. He wished that it was that simple, that it would end like this. But life was never that simple.

James was asleep within minutes although it was restless and uneasy. The kitten, at some point, abandoned him and went to join Gabriel. 

Bond woke the next day feeling exhausted. Also. Feeling sore.

Gabriel was just glad to have made it through the night. He hadn't slept more than a few minutes a time, afraid that the next doctor that came to check on James might die. They had been left in peace for the few remaining hours of darkness, but he felt like he needed to sleep for a week.

James pressed into him, and the kitten climbed over his shoulders like it was a mountain side, and looked triumphant when he reached the top. He turned his head to look at the ginger ball of fluff who meowed. "Shh..." Bond said to the cat. "Don't wake dad..." he didn't know Gabriel was awake.

Gabriel smiled and opened his eyes. "Hi loves," he yawned. "Are you both ready to get out of here and get some food?"

"Where can we go?" Bond said. It wasn't 'am I free to go home', because Bond hated medical. "And something light to eat..." The idea of food was repugnant, making his stomach roll.

"We can go to the cafeteria and then you can hang out in my office in Q branch," Gabriel suggested. "Or we can go to the coffee shop in the lobby. No one is getting in MI6 with Bolivar on the loose."

"You mean I am stuck in this bloody bed until further notice..." James sighed, a distasteful look on his face as he stood slowly, wincing. "I need some trousers..." He was in a hospital gown. "Too many people have seen my back side lately..." He added bitterly and staggered to the bathroom, taking the saline bag off the stand and carrying it.

Gabriel sighed. This promised to be as uphill of a fight as getting James to say what he wanted. He petted Tesla and waited for his lover to return. He was sure there were spare clothes in both their lockers, but he didn't want James to return to an empty room.

He came out as the nurse came in to change bandages and offer him a bed bath. Bonds glare sent her scurrying away. "So I take it everyone knows about us?" He said as he started to slowly wash.

"Yes, Mallory almost found himself looking for a new Quartermaster after giving me a lecture," Gabriel admitted. "I'm sorry, I was panicking and I needed to know you were ok."

"You threatened to resign?" He asked and a glimmer of amusement crossed his face. After a moment, the hospital gown got ripped off. 

"I offered to write my resignation on the spot when he told me relationships with the agents aren't encouraged," Gabriel cracked a smile. "He didn't quite know what to do."

"They used to be forbidden - darling, would you wash my back? Slowly..."

"Darling?" Gabriel washed his back softly. "I'd do just about anything for names that sweet." He ran his fingers through James's hair softly.

The agent stiffened as Gabriel touched him, his face turned away. The shudder in his spine was obvious, and the tension in his shoulders. Around his neck were marks, as if something had been held too tightly there. He didn't reply.

Gabriel laid his face against James's back. He could feel the tension in him, and there wasn't anything he could do to help. It made him feel powerless, because he knew exactly what it felt like to be in that situation.

"Don't, Gabriel," There was warning, a threat in that tone. "I don't want your pity. What happened last night never gets spoken of again..." He straightened up, "and I get to hunt him and his men down."

"And I get to be in your ear and make sure you come back," Gabriel said quietly. "Its not just about you anymore."

He nodded. He wouldn't be hunting anyone for a while and he knew it. "Clothes?" Gabriel had a sofa in his office, Bond could crash there for the day and then come back to medical later.

"Yeah, let me go get us both some," Gabriel nodded. "Let me get your locker key? And you, stay and take care of Da!" he informed Tesla.

The cat responded with a meow and gave the distinct impression of being on guard. Bond rolled his eyes but it brought a smile to his face. "I'll be okay, Gabriel."

"Be back as soon as I can," he laughed. He made it down to the locker room to retrieve James's clothes without incident, but was bombarded with questions in Q branch. He held up his hand and shook his head.  
"I will be back in a bit and answer your questions then," he told everyone. "Right now I need you helping 004 and 006 to catch Bolivar. This isn't something happening across the pond. It's happening right here, and it affects me personally. Please, I need your help."

"What's happened, Q?" Said R, Q's second and a mathematical genius. She knew when her boss was upset

"Bolivar has history with Bond, and he's decided I'm a good weak spot," Gabriel sighed. "I'm only going to say this once. 007 and I are together, and yes, Mallory knows. It's not anyone's business but ours, except he is after Bond because of my history. So now I need help."

R shrugged. "We've known all along, boss. I know about what happened last night. I ran com's for 006," and she turned to dish out orders to Q branch, calling for searches, information and equipment to be readied 

Gabriel let out a sigh of relief. "As soon as 007 is down here, I need to tell you all about my history and what is going on. It might help make sense of some of this for you. I don't believe in keeping you in the dark. You will do your best work being informed."

R nodded and waved him off. Bond would not be happy about anyone other than Gabriel knowing, but Q branch knew how to be discreet and look after their agents. Bond was sitting ready, waiting, although the poor doctor was examining the wounds, it seemed that Tesla was giving him a hard time - Bond was having to hold the snarling kitten.

"I think we should make her a double-oh," Bond grumbled.

"Yes, she seems to have inherited your temperament," Gabriel rescued the snarling fur ball. "Here's your clothes. I told Q branch I'm going to give them an explanation of why Bolivar is after me, and my history. You don't have to be there if that's too much for you. But it might help them connect the dots to what they are looking for. I like my workers to be informed and not feel like I keep them on a need to know basis."

"I am not staying in here - ow - any longer then I have too..." he said as he stood up. His voice was hoarse, and the swelling on his neck was really starting to show now. True to his word, he changed and it was sports wear. No one had seen him look like this... ever. "I'm coming... I have to take this with me," he said, noting to the saline bag connected to an IV line. "And your to email and they will send some poor intern to come and change it when necessary..."

"Ok," Gabriel frowned. "I will call Eve and have her bring breakfast. "Let's get down to Q branch, and I can come back for the kitten's things."

***00Q***

They walked into Q Branch to cheers.  
"Can I get kitten duty?" asked R with a smile. "Does it need anything?"  
"Tesla is a she, and her stuff is back in Medical-"  
"I'll get it!" volunteered the minion in charge of tea runs for the day. "Is there anything else you need?"  
"That would be great, thanks," Gabriel gave a tired smile. "Can someone call Eve to bring breakfast for everyone?"

Bond was awkward and a little sheepish as he walked into Q branch. More then one person was looking at him with curious wonder... who could have damaged 007 to make him look like this? He scooped up Tesla and went to the side with her and found a corner, hooking the IV line up and out the way while Q took charge of his team

"Most of you know that I was brought into MI6 because of my computer skills," Q started. "The problem was that there was someone who taught me those skills, and you know him as Silva. He was my ex, and I was the one that let him into the computers. He held me hostage for a long time. He had my brother hostage, and that was why I let him in, because I knew the damage he could do. I couldn't think of any way out. My name is on a list he left when he died because I got out. He has videos of me, of him selling me, selling my body. My brother isn't alive anymore. I couldn't save him. And now, even though he is dead, he has a hit out on me, and one of Bond's old enemies is using it as a way to get to both of us. We need your help, please. As much as I like working here," he smiled wryly, "I would like to be able to go home at some point."

"Do you know who the enemy is?" Someone asked Bond.

Bond shook his head. "No... but what I suspect is that Silva had contact with them, and Q's name was left there if Silva did not survive London... We know Bolivar is working for someone, so someone needs to go through Silva's contacts and compare them to a list of people who I have... ah... upset."

"Well, we can run an algorithm," R suggested. "Q developed a program that when we add the lists of names, it can compare lists and factor probabilities. At least that will give us a place to start."

Bond nodded slowly and stood up. "Q, I am going to lie on your sofa..." he said and pushed into the office. He was a good little patient and hung the saline bag (although he would be glad to loose it) and settled on the sofa, trying to get comfortable. Two gunshot wounds, a good beating and being strangled by Bolivar's belt as they tried to control him... Bond was feeling pretty sorry for himself. He hurt everywhere and he shifted to try and get comfortable.

"Ok, sounds good, R," he yawned. "Can you bring me food when Eve gets here? I need to send some emails, and see if I can get one of the agents to go to my apartment for supplies. We can't be sending one of you in there, I'm sure they are guarding it."

Q went to his office and sent an email to Medical informing them that Bond would be in Q branch for the immediate future. He also sent an email to Mallory with a list of things he would need from his apartment for the immediate future, and a list for Bond as well. Then he tackled the hardest message, one to 006.

_Alec,_

_I know we didn't get off on the best foot the other day. I am just as invested in keeping James safe as you are, and I need your help. I can bring him back from the field using technology, but this part is beyond my capabilities._

_Can you help me?_

_Gabriel (Q)._

"What are you doing?" Bond asked quietly where he lay, stroking the cat. He felt lethargic, shivery and emotionally stunted. He was in denial and he knew it... but getting out of it would mean the rolling sickness in him needed to be addressed.

"Sending emails," Gabriel turned to face him. "I asked Mallory if we could get things from our apartments, and let Medical know where you are. And I asked Alec if we could try this again. I know he's your best friend, I don't want him seeing me as the enemy. We need all the help we can get right now, and I would feel a lot better knowing he has your back when I can't. And you aren't doing well, so don't argue with me, James. You don't blink and make something like this go away. I have done this."

James shook his head, sitting up and disturbing the kitten who was on his chest, kneading gently. "No," the words where stubborn, clipped things. "I don't want to see him or anyone else for that matter. I just want to go home and sleep, and get spectacularly drunk while doing it."

"We can't go home, and there isn't going to be any alcohol in the near future," Gabriel shook his head. "We can't have you trying to choke everyone that walks by, and its bad enough without adding alcohol to the list. You don't have to see Alec if you don't want. But I need his help. I need to know how to keep you safe, and I don't want your best friend hating me. He has known you for far longer, and he knows how you deal with things. I'm having a really hard time with this as well, and I can't fix everything on my own."

James narrowed his eyes at Q and huffed. But the pain meds were kicking in, and it wasn't long until he was asleep once more, the kitten on his chest. The doctor sent a email to Q saying that James tests were all clear, and Alec said he would be down as soon as he could.

Eve breezed in, carrying a tray and setting it in the edge of Q's desk. "How is he?" She asked softly. "How are you both?"

"He needs time... I don't when he will be ready to talk about it," Gabriel buried his face in his hands. "I don't know how to help him, Eve, and I'm barely holding it together. Its like its Z all over again, and it's all my fault again. I'm a mess, and I'm walking on eggshells, waiting for him to choke someone again. He nearly killed the idiot doctor who tried to give him a shot in his sleep."

Eve put a hand on his shoulder. "Q... 007 was gang raped last night, you cannot blame yourself. I saw the footage, you had no choice but to leave. Bond knew that... You did too... Drink your tea..." She said gently.

Gabriel choked on the tea.

"Gang-gang raped?" His voice cracked. "He didn't tell me that. I don't know if I can ever watch the footage. That makes me feel sick just thinking about it." He pushed away the croissant and sighed. "It's never going to end Eve, everyone I ever love. You shouldn't even be friends with me," he felt himself getting hysterical.

Eve slapped him. Hard. 

"Gabriel, get a grip!" She ordered him, and gripped his shoulders. "Your a bloody intelligence agent!" She snapped. "You can fall apart when he," she pointing a manicured fingernail at Bond, "gets a bullet in Bolivar's brain."

He sobbed and threw his arms around her waist.  
"Thanks, I needed that," he grinned through his tears. "Now you have to help me win over Alec, he thinks I'm the bloody devil himself."

"Why is that? Because of Bolivar? That's hardly your fault "

"I think he blames me," Gabriel winced. "And the bastard punches hard. Oh no. I think it's because he saw James's collar." He held up his wrist, which still had the collar buckled around it.

Eve was one of those people who wasn't phased by much, but that made her suck in a breath slowly. "Yes... I should imagine he would be upset..."

"Its not... I feel like I know him an explanation," he frowned. "But I don't know how much James will want me to say."

"Do you want me to take James back to medical so you can talk to 006 alone?" Eve offered although it looked as if Bond was going nowhere soon.

"No, let's let him sleep," Gabriel shook his head. "But can you stay with him and keep an eye on Tesla? She doesn't seem to scare him, but I wouldn't recommend you touch him without calling his name first. I will go talk to 006 upstairs."

Eve nodded gently and smiled. "Go on, Q... I won't leave until your back."

"Thank you for meeting me, Alec," Q walked into the coffee shop. "I know this isn't easy for you to deal with."


	8. Chapter 8

Alec's eyes were narrowed dangerously at the young man as he sipped his coffee. He didn't respond although gestured him to sit.

"I know you and James have been the only thing each other could depend on for a really long time, and I know you don't approve of me... or the relationship we have. And I know James told you I was responsible for Silva. And nothing you can say, can possible make me feel guiltier than I already feel. I've been gang raped before, and it's a bitch to heal- I'm still not healed. But I need your help Alec, I can't keep him alive on my own."

"You are the reason he's in that mess. What the hell were you doing with him? Because I know full well that the whips and that stuff didn't come with Bolivar. And the collar?" He looked disgusted and his drink was set down with more force than necessary. 

"That's up to James," Gabriel looked down at the collar still buckled around his wrist, "what he does in bed is his own story to tell you. But even without me in the picture, he needs you now. He can't guard himself, and no matter how much he wants a gun, he needs to rest and heal. And alcohol isn't an option with the pain medication and panic attacks he is having." 

"I heard he pinned a doctor..." Muttered Alec and then drained it in several large gulps. "Alright. Take me to him," he said as he stood. "And you keep out the way while I talk to him."

"He's in my office in Q Branch," he stuck out his hand. "And please, call me Gabriel. I have some things to do with my staff, but please let me know when you're done talking to him. I don't want to leave him alone right now."

With a huff, Alec made his way down to Q branch, and without a word, swept into an office to find Moneypenny sitting in Q's chair and James asleep on his side, facing away.

"You... you may want to let him sleep, Alex," Gabriel reached for his mug on the desk. "Eve, let's allow them to talk, yeah?"

"I'm awake... Just trying to get the angry ginger fur ball to stay asleep for a little longer," he said slowly, opening his eyes to look at them all, blinking owlishly. "Q, I don't need a babysitter," he added, scowling as Eve swept out.

"Just let him sit with you, love," Gabriel slipped out. "Thank you, Alec."

Alec turned to him and scowled. "Don't you have better things to make me do than babysit?"

"I'm not asking you to babysit, Alec," he looked exhausted. "I'm asking you to stay with him, so the flashbacks don't swallow him whole."

The argument was interrupted by an indignant meow as Tesla woke and waddled over to the edge. James lifted her down so she could wander over to her other human and seek attention.

"Come along," Gabriel scooped her up. "Let's go see Auntie Eve before she steals you." He left the two agents, and let the door click shut behind him with a sigh. He was determined not to return unless he heard gunshots, or one of the agents appeared.

James rolled his eyes and turned a sheepish gaze on Alec. " What?"

"What? That's the best you have to say?" Alec snorted. "I come to your apartment to see you in a collar getting raped, and the best you can tell me is what? We're going to have to work on your manners, James. This is me, I know how bad it was. I saw it on the scene. And for some reason, that little fey creature is enchanted with you as well."

"And as I told him, I don't want to talk about it," Snapped the agent harshly.

"Well he's worried, and so am I," Alec frowned. "Look James, this wasn't a punch in the face, it was serious. And I don't know what you are doing with that boy, but if you are attacking doctors in the middle of the night, he isn't safe either. So either you get a handle on business, which isn’t easy for someone of your caliber of agent to do, and or he won't be spending time here."

James hardened at the threat. He was going to take Gabriel away? That boy was the only thing that was keeping him sane. " What do you mean, what I am doing?" He snapped.

"Some time apart might do you a world of good," Alec protested. "Its been months since I have seen you, and then you ask me about where to take a date? And are you sure that you can be around him ? All those collars and whips, maybe you need to get away for awhile, for both of your good. You can stay at mine."

"Alec, I'm not going to leave him unprotected while Bolivar is alive..." His face settled into a grimace. "I would settle with castrated... But no..." He made himself sit up, wincing as he did. "I care for him. I let them get me so he could get away, Alec..." And after a moment, he told Alec everything.

He had never been so humiliated in his life.

"But James... why?" Alec was puzzled. "Why are you doing this for a fuck? There's easier ways. I don't understand what it is about him that makes you so crazy for him. He thinks he can chain you up and make you do whatever he wants. There are plenty of hot women out there, why him?"

"He can't make me do a bloody thing, Alec... He knows it. It was what I wanted to give. Sometimes lots, other times nothing. I was sleeping better, I felt more human then I have in a long time because I found something that took me out of my head,” James said with growing impatience.

"He's some skinny little tech kid that is making you think that he needs you," Alec protested. "Let's get out of here, I'm sure we can find a couple of women at a bar, and get a few bottles, and forget this ever happened. He's even got you petting a kitten for god's sake, how fucking domestic."

James rolled his eyes at Alec. No, he could not do this... Not now. With slow patience, he unwound the bandage that held the IV into his skin, and slowly pulled it free. "Perhaps you're right, Alex," Bond said slowly as he rose. His fingers circled the handle of the metal tray and he swung it, smacking Alec, his brother, around the head with it, hard enough to knock him out.

The idiot was suggesting sex. Bond shuddered as he slipped out and into Q branch. No one got in his way as he slipped out the building and into the streets of London. He had nowhere to go.

Eventually, the heavens had opened and soaked to the skin, Bond shuddered as he found his way to a hotel. Did they have a room with a bath tub? Yes. One night, please…

When in the room, he took the phone off the hook and turned his mobile off. Numb, in pain, he stripped off slowly as the bath poured, the water almost scalding hot. He didn't feel as his wounds touched the water  
He slipped into it, and stayed there until the water cooled, turning frigid.

He wept.  
...

Gabriel didn't see Bond leave. When he went in to check on him at lunch time, there was Alec, passed out on the floor.

"Alec, for the love of god, where is he?" Gabriel was a hair away from panicking again. He roused the agent.

"You... again," Alec groaned. "Why can't you just disappear?"

"Where is James?" Gabriel was practically screaming.

"How should I know?" Alec scoffed. "He's a bloody 00 agent, stop treating him like a damsel in distress."

Gabriel gaped at him incredulously, and then swung a punch that connected with his jaw with a crack..

"Eve! get this asshole out of my sight before he doesn't live to tell about it!" 

Gabriel looked like an avenging angel. 

"R, I need you to trace 007 for me... start with the time we got here. I need to know where he is. And I need a kit with weapons and meds. NOW!"

Q branch leapt to his order as Eve sauntered in. The look she gave Alec was disgusted. "You," she prodded him with her toe. "Up."

"What did I do?" The Russian protested as Eve toed him with her pointed shoes. "I just offered to help him how I always do."

Eve smacked him soundly just as he got halfway up.  
"That's exactly what we don't need right now!"

"I've got him!" R yelled to Q. "Here's the hotel address and room number. Car will be waiting for you at the door."

Q left Eve lecturing Alec about how not to help someone who's traumatized.

The hotel gave Gabriel a skeleton key and sent him up. Bond was asleep when Q arrived, curled up in the bed. The sleep was restless, seemingly more effort than wakefulness. He didn't respond as the door clicked open.

Gabriel didn't wake him, just settled into the bed next to him without touching. He knew how badly unexpected touch was affecting the agent, so he simply settled in to wait. Exhaustion soon sent him off to sleep, to his own restless dreams of screams and gunshots.

James kicked out in his sleep at unseen enemies, and he awoke the moment his foot actually connected to something. He opened his eyes and jerked out of bed, scrambling for a weapon.

Gabriel awoke to the kick in the leg, and rolled out of bed and hit the floor, already pulling a Walther coded to his own palm print out of a shoulder holster. It took him a minute to recognize his surroundings in the dark room, but then he remembered.

He had none. Where the fuck was he anyway?  
Then he recognized the figure. "Q... What are you doing here?" He asked sharply.

"I wanted to make sure someone was here to guard you," he slid the pistol back in the shoulder holster and sat down on the bed. "No one knew where you went, so I had R track you."

Nodding slowly seemed to be about the only thing he could do. "I had to get out if there... Alec was being... Alec... I couldn't breathe."

"Ok, love... deep breath for me," Q could see the terror in his eyes. He went and sat in the armchair to leave the bed to James so he had a place he felt safe. "Look at me. Now count... one two three, in. One two three, out. That's it, look at me. Breathe with your stomach."

Bond did as he was told, the simple instructions cutting through the mess that his mind was in. He breathed, in and out slowly and slowly the tension faded from him. He went to the bed and sat with his back against the wall, pulling the blankets around his shoulders. "Where's Tesla?"

"Auntie Evie is babysitting," Q laughed suddenly. "She's the perfect accessory to stiletto heels, apparently. When I left they were giving Alec hell. Have you eaten anything, love?"

He knew Q well enough to know that 'I am not hungry' was going to be ignored. "No... I can't leave the room though, my clothes got soaked... I had a bath..." He shoved both hands through his hair. "I feel so... Dirty..."

"There should be a robe, let me order room service and I will fill the bath for you," he picked up the phone and asked for soup, toast, and steamed vegetables. Then he went into the bathroom and filled the tub, frowning at the wet clothes lying there.

"Alright, ready," he stripped and climbed in, so James could lay on his lap.

James came in, arms around himself and frowned at the bath. "I did already have a bath..." He stepped in though, slowly.

"You're shivering, and in shock," Q wrapped James lightly in his arms. "You need to warm up. They will just leave the food." He nuzzled his lover's hair. "Now just let me take care of you." Q poured a handful of warm water over his neck and massaged the bruises.

James was stiff against him, shivering but slowly tried to relax back against him. He winced as he was touched.

Q was as gentle as he could be, light touches with his finger tips. He knew it was coming, the moment that James would fall apart, when the memories of what had happened returned.

Slowly, very slowly, Bond curled into him. Silently, he began to shiver and it became violent... and then the tears came.

"Oh, baby," Gabriel's heart broke for him. "I'm here." And there next to the tub was the automatic handgun.

Bond didn't reply, just let the emotions rise. He turned and curled up against his chest and let the tears come. Wave after wave after wave until he was left with dry heaves that were empty and the tears dried up. He felt wrung out. Although Gabriel was trying to comfort him, Bond fell apart in his arms as the anger and the pain and the violation came up, until he was exhausted and just lying against him.

Q knew there was nothing that would make it pass, just let him cry it out until he was ready to talk. A bit of prodding maybe, when it wasn't so raw. But for now he held on to him, to hold him together.

There were no easy answers. The one person Gabriel had gone to for help had apparently made things worse, if James's flight from MI6 was anything to judge by. There was no one else that James trusted. He could count on Eve for backup, but they needed more than one person. Maybe Eve could talk to 004?

"Do we have any pain killers?" he asked, sounding exhausted. He sat up and handed Gabriel the shampoo. "Wash my hair?"

"Yes, there's some in my bag," Gabriel took the shampoo from him and lathered it gently into his hair. "As soon as we get some food into you, you can have some." He rubbed his fingertips against his scalp and temples, small circles.

James made a noise and closed his eyes. "Simple food..." he shivered gently in his arms, and closed his eyes as Gabriel rubbed gently.

"That's what I ordered, and some tea," Gabriel brushed his forehead with lips chapped from biting. He added more hot water and pour handfuls over James's hair to wash out the shampoo.

James sighed and let Gabriel wash him, making James close his eyes. There was a knock at the door as room service arrived. "You get the door, I'll dry off..."

Gabriel wrapped himself in a towel, and accepted the food from room service. He rolled the table next to the bed, and laid the painkillers on it.  
"Get into bed love, and let me feed you," he turned to call James from the bathroom. There was the agent in the doorway, exhaustion sinking his eyes into dark circles.

James moved out the bathroom and sunk into the bed gratefully, and wrapped his arms around himself. "We can't stay here, Gabriel... is there tea?" He needed the warmth. 

"Yes, there's tea," Gabriel poured them each a mug. "I know we can't stay here. We can hole up in Q branch for a few days, but I don't know where else to go. Maybe Eve and 004 will have some ideas."

"Alec offered me a place to stay..." he smiled a little. "That may have been before I smacked him with a tray. Eve has a spare room..." he mused as he sat down, wrapping blankets around himself.

"Why on earth did you smack him with a tray?" Gabriel laughed. "He was still out cold when I found him. I can call Eve, and we can see about staying at her's, if you're comfortable with that. I’m pretty sure she isn't giving Tesla back without a fight at this point anyway."

"Because sex really isn't a priority," he said softly, sinking into the bedding. "I'm just... Tired..." 

"Sex?" Gabriel looked puzzled. "What does Alec have to do with sex? And at least have some bread, so you can take your pills." He handed him bread dipped in soup.

"His idea was to get drunk and have sex with someone..." He said softly. "I am really not hungry..." He said and took the bread.

"Do you think that would help?" Gabriel asked softly. "Eat love, just a little for me." He didn't know what to do, James processed things so much differently than he did. Did Alec know better about this, would going out and finding someone anonymous help James snap out of the fugue of the situation? "If you think that would help... just be careful, yeah?"

James look was hard and a little hurt. "Do you really think that little of me?" Bond asked coldly. "I may not be able to be faithful when working, Gabriel, but I thought you would understand that it's the last thing on my mind...'

"I don't think little of you, I'm terrified that this will be the final straw that breaks you, and it's because of me," Gabriel couldn't meet his eyes. "I don't know how you dealt with things after Le Chiffe, I just know Alec was there. And right now I'm so far out of my depth, I'm feeling desperate. I can tell you that nothing I did worked, and you don't want to talk about it. So I don't know what other options there are."

"You're here..." His voice quivered. "You're here with me... You're not trying to push, telling me to get over it..." He managed a weak smile. "I couldn't ask for anything more right now..."

"I'm trying, I-" Gabriel finally met his eyes. "I just feel like I'm failing. I was supposed to protect you, and I couldn't even do that at home."

"No... I was meant to protect you, and I did my best too... I got hurt..." James had been hurt badly, this time. Very badly. "But Bolivar would have taken you away, and I doubt I could have gotten you back. I did my job... I made him mad... He did it to try and flush you out..."

"But I told you- I promised!" Gabriel held up his wrist, the wet collar still on. "This means I take care of YOU."

"If we are together, Gabriel, then we take care of each other. I protect you and I come home in as many pieces as I am in..." he looked down at himself, his naked, injured body. "You have my trust - you have more than earned it... I need you, Gabriel... I feel like I am drowning..." he set the soup down, hard. He could not touch it.

"But all I know how to do is hold you!" Gabriel protested. "I want to tell you it will be okay, but I know its not." He took the soup. "I don't have any magic gadgets that fix us."

"I know..." He said quietly. "But... you know... You know how it feels..." he shook his head. "Holding me... Its the best thing you can do right now..." he said, and he felt choked, felt the emotions become stuck in his throat.

Gabriel just pulled him closer and wrapped them in the blankets.  
"We'll figure it out love, one minute at a time. Here," he handed him the pain medicine. "Can you sleep for a bit while I'm here to keep watch?"

Bond gulped down the tablets before he settled down against him, sipping tea slowly. He was quiet, but the tears for now had stopped and he had settled into that quiet, empty state. He started to drift off, empty mug in hand. "Babe..." he said slowly, slurred with sleep. "Did you feel constantly... dirty afterwards? " 

"Dirty," Gabriel shivered. "Tired, cold. I scrubbed my skin until it bled, and wore a jacket in the summer. That's how the cardigans started, actually. And in the basement at MI6, it's cold all the time."

"The bath was almost scalding when I got in it first time," James said slowly and blinked owlishly. "I stayed there until it was cold... I feel..." he shook his head. "I feel like shit..."

"Its shock love, like PTSD," Gabriel tightened his arms. "Have some more tea, the sugar will help. For me, it felt like the adrenaline collapse after you get physically injured, combined with a broken heart. I couldn't focus on a thing, and the sheer terror made me feel like I was drowning."

Bond nodded. "Sub drop plus an adrenaline crash plus a broken heart..." he fell silent before speaking again. "I never thought i would say this... I miss the cat…” The simple comfort of having something that did not judge. 

"Well, we can go over to Eve's once you get some rest," Gabriel suggested. "Right now I think if you push yourself any further physically, it's going to make you collapse. It's a lot to handle, and I will be right here to hold you."

The agent nodded. "I know you will..." he said, The words were fact to him... Gabriel would be there when Bond needed him. He settled down and looped a finger through the collar wound around Q's wrist. Holding on.

"Oh, sweetheart," Gabriel kissed his forehead. "Sleep."

He waited for James's breathing to settle into sleep, and dialed Eve's number.  
"I need a favor, and I need 004's help as well..."

"How is he?" Eve asked gently down the phone.

"He's... a wreck," Gabriel sighed. "He misses the cat, and we can't go home. I was wondering, if you can get 004 to come, and we can stay at your place. Apparently Alec upset him, and he needs to feel safe right now. I barely got him to go to sleep and he won't eat."

Eve made a soft noise, a sad but understanding noise. "I will have 004 pick you up... And 006 is rather apologetic."

Less than an hour later, Eve was true to her word and 004 was outside, keys in hand. "Car's in the private car park. You ready or..." He spied the lump in the bed over Q's shoulder and winced.  
"Poor bastard."

"Do you have any ideas?" Gabriel asked. "I don't know how they train the 00 agents to handle this. Whatever they told him, it isn't working."

He went and called to Bond gently.  
"James, 004 is here to take us to Eve's. Wake up for me, love."

"We don't get trained for this kind of thing, Q. Torture, yes... But rape? Especially that kind of thing that they did to him?" 004 shook his head. "Its happened before..."

"Evening, Jim," said Bond from the bed. "Would anyone mind finding me some clothes? Mine are soaked."

"Eve sent some," 004 handed him a duffel bag. "Mallory had me go to you and Q's apartments and get a list of things. We aren't anticipating you being able to return until Bolivar is captured, and for now, he is still underground. Eve and I are going to be alternating shifts staying with you. I have it on good authority that Eve is pulling 006's head out of his ass and giving him a good tongue lashing as we speak. When he recovers, he can take a few shifts as well. AFTER he apologizes. I’m sorry Q, that was uncalled for. You have brought us home more times than we can count, he had no reason to behave that badly."

"He was trying to protect me..." Bond said as he took the clothes and went into the bathroom and came out, dressed. "Right. Ready."

"He can protect you and still sound like a civilized human being," 004 retorted. "Can I carry anything for you? I took care of check out.”


	9. Chapter 9

Bond shook his head and slipped his hand into Gabriels as they walked out to the car and he settled into the back of it.

They sat in the back of 004's vehicle together, James with his head on Q's lap like a sick child. Jim kept throwing worried looks back to Q in the rear view mirror. It was rare to see James without a suit, and his trademark smirk.

Q was happy to see Tesla when they got to Eve's house. He scooped her up and deposited her in James's arms, while going straight for the tea kettle.

Eve saw something truly tragic in Bonds gaze. 007 was gone. Dead? Perhaps. Instead, she just saw James, the orphaned child. She guided him in and sat him down, complete with purring kitten.

"Thanks Eve, so much," Q rubbed his eyes and wiped ineffectively at smudged glasses. "I didn't know who else to call."

"Shhh, don't even," Eve scolded. "Let's get you two settled into the guest room. I put all of Tesla's things in there already, and I had them put your box of odds and ends in there. Are you going to let James read them?"

"I told him I write poetry Eve, I don't think he wants to read 15 years worth of journals," he sighed. "And I know you, Don't go giving him any ideas!"

"I want to read some of them," called Bond, loud enough to be heard. He didn't want them to be treading on eggshells around him, that would drive him insane.

"I don't want you to read about my high school crushes, how about that?" Q protested with a laugh. "I already told you that I was an awkward teenager who got picked on. Let me maintain SOME of my dignity. Bad enough you still tease me about spots."

"But you look so cute with your spots!" Eve pinched his cheek while he glared murderously at her.

Bond emerged in the doorway, a mere shadow of the presence that he had been. "She's right... Although you're far better then you were at the national gallery," he said, and there was a hint of a smirk. Just a hint. "How's Alec?"

"Yes Eve, how is Alec?" Q tried not to laugh. "004 told us he had a run in with your stilettos that I made you. I do hope you didn't leave blood in my office."

"Oh please!" Eve waved derisively at them. "Only thing permanently injured is his pride, and we can only hope. He will think twice next time he thinks of making fun of our Quartermaster though. I threatened to patch him down to tech support next time he calls for mission backup."

"You're evil, Eve," Q squealed. "I love it!" He planted a kiss on her cheek.

James smiled although it didn't meet his eyes. Fortunately Tesla chose that moment to attack his shoelace, pouncing with an awful lot of bottom wriggling. That did cause a genuine smile and he drifted back out to sit in the floor and, once he had removed one of the laces, he dangled it so that she could pounce.

"I'm going to take the first shift," 004 informed them. "I had Eve order take out, because I haven't had time to grab food. I don't know if you both want anything, but there is plenty in the fridge. I figured its better off we stock up and don't eat all of her food."

"Thank you, Jim," Q smiled gratefully. "I'm exhausted, no matter how much sleep I get."

Eve nodded into the front room where Bond was playing with the cat, ignoring the lot of them. "I've spoken to M. He is signed off for the foreseeable future until Psych says he is okay... Which may well be never, this time," she looked at Q.  
"What helped you? What would have helped you?"

"I don't- to save Z?" Q sighed. "It's too dangerous to play that what if game. I just needed someone to listen, and I didn't have that. So I try to do it for James as best as I can, and remind him, that this doesn't define who he is as a person. But I know how consuming it is, it's terrifying."

Eve nodded, casting a glance in the other room. "Until then... We hide anything he can use to hurt himself. Weapons, medications... Rope"

Although they all knew that if Bond set his mind too it... Then they could do nothing.

"I'm more worried about that than Bolivar," Q nodded. "That's why I asked for help. I'm sure we can take down Bolivar. But this is bringing up a lot of bad memories for me, and I'm not running at my best.""

Eve put a hand on Q's shoulder. "It'll be okay..."

"I hope so," he headed back to collapse on the couch next to James. "How are my little sweethearts?" he asked, kissing Tesla's head. "It feel like it's been years since we left MI6. Can you eat at least something for me love?"

"Don't go to sleep too soon", Eve scolded. "006 is coming over to apologize, without alcohol."

"Why Eve, what did you do?" James looked terrified and mildly amused.

"I don't suggest testing me to find out," she threatened.

"Why is he apologising?" he glanced at Gabriel and narrowed his eyes. "What did Alec do this time?"

"He punched Gabriel, and offered to take James out whoring and drinking," Eve scowled. "But only after saying he was just a fuck. So ... He may have had a run in with my stilettos."

"The Christmas party stilettos that you use on missions?" 004 laughed. "About time someone gave him what for."

"He punched you?" Bond said, incredulous. He turned to Gabriel. "Why did you not tell me?" He snapped, words harsh.

"I.... sort of did?" Gabriel sighed. "I didn't want to get you two fighting. I'm ok, really."

"Q punched him back," Eve snickered and everyone froze as the doorbell rang. No one moved until Alec yelled through.

"Eve! Open up or my peace making Chinese is going to go cold!"

"Um...." Q got behind the chair James was sitting in. "Someone else can get that, yeah?"

Jim opened the door. "I should punch you myself," he informed Alec darkly. "Attacking the Quartermaster. I hope he gives you a toy light saber and tooth picks next time you go in the field. Honestly, what were you thinking? He hasn't lost one of us yet, why do you have to go and insult him? You won't find any sympathy from me."

"And you had better have beef chow mein, Alec, or I am going to kick your ass," added Bond, shifting to get comfortable, glaring darkly.

"Of course I did," Alec looked between Eve, 004, and James. "I'm sorry James, and Q," he met eyes with the skinny brunette. "I had no right to treat you the way I did. It's your lives, as Eve reminded me."

"Just, no much punching, yeah?" Q asked with a small smile. "I don't work out like you lot, and boffins aren't punching bags."

James didn't answer, he was too busy routing though the bags of goodies that Alec had brought, until Eve smacked his hand away. "All of you, go sit. I'll serve it up. No alcohol, Alec," James glared at her and huffed.

"That's for the best," 004 frowned. "I've never understood how you two have survived this long behaving like overgrown teenagers. I wouldn't know what to do if I didn't have someone to come home to."

"Now, grab a plate and chopsticks everyone, and tell me what you want," Eve instructed. "James, can you eat something besides noodles?"

"Can you imagine any woman insane enough to marry Alec?" James shot to 004, and side stepped as Alec swiped at him playfully. "Put a little bit of everything on, Eve, I'll eat what I can..."

"Chinese... Never go for the fish stuff, he doesn't like it at all...' Alec said under his breath to Q, referring to Bond. A little tidbit to show that there were no hard feelings. 

Q shot Alec a grateful smile. "Other than shrimp, I don't either. Jim, tell us about your wife?"  
"She's quite ordinary, actually. Keeps me grounded when it all gets to be too much. Well, not ordinary, she balances me. But she's my normal."

They chatted as they had not done in a long time, and James ate a little of the rice and some of the chicken and a good helping of the chow mein before pushing his plate down. Alec finished his plate easily enough, watching as the agent curled against Q. Tesla climbed up Alec's trouser leg to get to the chicken.

"Alec, the angry ginger fluff ball is Tesla," rumbled James, amused.

"Is she the new 00 mascot, or Eve's sidekick?" Alec laughed. He picked up the kitten. "It seems like they're going to domesticate all of us, sooner or later. It does get old, coming home to an empty apartment."

"She adopted Q when I was in Tokyo and made a very good attempt at killing the doctors in medical... Sorry about the tray to the head, by the way.”

"He's good for you, James," Alec dropped his voice, so it was only audible to them. "He really does care… and I deserved it.”

James smiled weakly and nodded. "I can't say I know why he does... But yes, he does..." James words were soft. 

"I think he sees the part of you that was there before you were a 00," Alec mused. "He sees who you were underneath. And he sees the scars, and accepts you for them, for the experiences you have had. Ask him if he has any friends for me?"

"I heard that, Alec," Q laughed. "Maybe after you're nice for awhile, I can introduce you. I think Eve actually, I wouldn't have to worry about her. She can hold her own."

Eve laughed and pointed at her heels by the front door. "And just ask James, I can wield a straight razor with the best of them."

James nodded and his hand found Q's and he squeezed it lightly. He was quiet, content to listen as the people he loved chatted and unwound.

"Are you alright love?" Q leaned over and kissed him softly. "You look a little less pale. Are you ready for your pills?"

James pulled back a little as Q kissed him, a frown on his face. He licked his lips, unsure of his to respond, how to react to the kiss. "No... I don't want anything right now..."

"Ok," Q looked worried. "If you want some quiet, you can take Tesla in the spare room. Its where I sleep when Eve and I have a second bottle of wine."

"Come to bed with me?" The agent asked softly. "I need to be held..."

"Yeah, of course," he whispered to James and got up to stretch. "We're going to head to bed everyone, its been a long day for us. Thank you, all of you."

He pulled James with him, a hand cradled on the small of his back. He got into bed and pulled James against him, the little spoon. He put a sleepy Tesla under the covers with them and wrapped James in his arms, safe to rest.

James let him spoon him and his fingers found Q's and twisted together. He was awake, obviously by his breathing... "I love you, Gabriel..." He said after a few minutes.

"I love you too, James," he tightened his grip on James's fingers. "We'll make it love, I promise. I'm not going anywhere."

The agent made a soft sound and rolled into him, pausing to shift the kitten. "I'm... Does it feel better after a time?"

"Yes," Gabriel sighed. "And sometimes you remember, and it hurts again. But keep going and do the best you can. And I will be here."

Bonds sigh was heart breaking, sad and lonely. He shivered and it was easier to talk when he didn't have to look in to those lovely dark eyes.   
"I feel like I'm... I don't know... Half a man?"

"You aren't half of anything, love," Gabriel assured him. "You are stronger than most people I have ever met, and braver. And you did it for me." He clutched James just a little tighter. "Thank you love, for protecting me."

"I would do it again..." James said without hesitation. "I just needed you out of there..."

"Well, let's try to get this all sorted out so neither of us has to go through that again," Gabriel held him. "Sometimes a nice boring nine to five office job doesn't sound so bad."

"I don't think I could become a civilian again..." He mused. "And I refuse to become the next M... Perhaps a trainer, one day... I can't think about this, I'm not finished yet."

"Neither of us are finished," Gabriel said softly. "Not by a long shot. I just wish we weren't still in danger. That wears on me. I feel like I'm one step behind disaster, doing cleanup."

Bond snickered slightly. "Well, you _are_ my handler... Disaster follows me where I go...'

"I'll handle you alright," Gabriel teased, kissing his hair with a laugh. "And yes, disaster. Disaster to my tech, disaster to my quiet life. And I wouldn't trade a second of it."

"You do... As long as you're happy..." Bond yawned and eventually fell asleep.

"More than I ever thought I would be," Gabriel whispered to his sleeping lover. "Sweet dreams, darling."

Bond slept badly, squirming in his sleep. He woke up and downed the pills at the edge of the bed without water and managed to get back to sleep, restless as it was. Shivers raked his form, as if he had a fever but it was just the uneasiness.

"Come here love," Gabriel opened his arms to his restless lover. James was shaking, drifting between nightmares. "Hey, wake up. James, look at me," Gabriel shook him gently. "I'm here sweetheart, open your eyes."

Through the dark recesses of his dreams, a blazing light came through and Bond woke with a jerk and was horrified to feel his eyes flood with tears.

"Hey, hey, its alright baby," Gabriel wished there was a way to make emotional pain heal as fast as physical. "Look at me, I'm here." He rocked James in his arms, the kitten coming to paw at them worriedly. "Hey little one, come say hi to Da, yeah? He needs a cuddle." He leaned back against the pillows with James and Tesla curled on his stomach. "Do you want me to put the lights on?"

James shook his head and pressed his face into the kittens fur. "I'm alright," he mumbled after a moment.

Gabriel sighed. "When you you want to admit that's not true? Just so I can plan for it... we all know you aren't James, and it's ok. You don't have to pretend for us."

"I'm not pretending I'm okay for you, I'm pretending for me..." Growled Bond. "Go back to sleep."

"Hey, none of that," Gabriel scolded. "I will still spank you for getting smart." He ran his fingers through James's hair, trying to distract him from the melancholy. "Now come up here and tell me something about you that I don't know."

"I'm pretty boring, Gabriel... You know that..." He was already dozing off... His words were slurring, and the kitten was against his chest, purring and rumbling. He was restless for the rest of the night until the early hours when exhaustion took him and he went into REM sleep. Gabriel tried to stay awake, but finally settled into a restless sleep himself as the sun came up. Eve left a tray of pastries and a thermos of tea inside the door, but the two men didn't stir. Eventually, however, Bond was roused by a kitten wanting breakfast and attention and Bond slowly slipped out the bed to feed the cat and he wondered into Eva's kitchen and made coffee

Eve came out of her room in a robe, still drying her hair.  
"Oh, and you make coffee too? Gabriel made quite the catch," she teased. "How are you feeling?"

"Hung over, which is ironic as I don't get those when I drink," he replied and after a moment, scooped the cat onto the couch before she shredded something. Tesla romped around happily and attacked the corner of a pillow. 

"You're in shock still, it sound like," she frowned. "Gabriel had a lot of days like this, after Z passed away. You should tell him how you're feeling James, don't underestimate him. Your partner is a very understanding man, and he adores you. He had his eye on you long before Skyfall."

"I'm not really feeling anything except sick," Bond said, rubbing his eyes wearily. "I suppose I should wake him... He needs to go to work... And I need to do something..."

"You can both take as much time as you need," Eve poured herself a cup of coffee. "R is a very capable handler, and can patch through anything of importance to Q here. Jim and I are assigned here to protect you for as long as you want to stay. I don't think you are sick though, I think its PTSD. Talk to Gabriel," she laid her hand on his arm. "He understands."

"What do I understand?" Q yawned sleepily from the doorway. 

"James isn't feeling well physically," Eve explained. "I told him you have been through this, he should try to talk to you about it. This bottling it all up inside isn't helping."

"I was raped four times before I passed out from blood loss and oxygen deprivation," snarled James, suddenly angry at them both. " What is this obsession with talking about it? It's done. It's over," the coffee was set down and he stormed to the bathroom.

Gabriel followed him. "Love, let me in. You shouldn't be alone." He knocked on the door. "James, please. I know, I've been there."

The calls went unanswered, but the shower clicked on. There was the sound of shower curtains being drawn and a deep sigh.

Gabriel sat down with his back to the bathroom door, and his head in his hands. He knew the feeling, of being so dirty boiling water and bleach wouldn't get you clean.   
Eve laid a hand on his shoulder as she walked past, but he was too focused on his lover's pain to respond.

Bond was an hour in the shower and when he came out, he looked pink and fresh, slightly damp and warm with a white fluffy towel around him. He had learnt not to storm out and stopped before he fell over Gabriel.

Gabriel had fallen asleep, but opened his eyes. He could feel the heat coming off James's body, and winced at the memory of doing the same.  
"Eve said something about breakfast, if you want food. And I can work from here, if you aren't getting too stir crazy."

"I can stay here if you need to go into 6," Bond said warily before extending a hand too Q to haul him up.

"No, I have my computer, I can work from here," Q laid his head on Bond's shoulder. "I didn't sleep so well, i need to take some migraine medicine." He shuffled off to the spare bedroom.

"I have... Nothing to do," grumbled the agent. "I need to do something or I will go crazy..."  
"Well, my box of journals are by the bed," Q rubbed his temples wearily. "Just remember, they aren't who I am anymore. They start at 14."

James waved a hand. "Go and lie down until your headache goes... I'll be fine..."

"Come with me?" Q knew he wasn't comfortable with a lot of touch yet, but he wanted to be held. The after effects of the stress were catching up with his body. "I could use a neck rub."

Giving a neck rub. Now that was something that he could do. "Come on, Gabriel," he lead him through to the bedroom. "Shirt off. Lie down."

He pulled off his shirt and laid down. His neck wouldn't crack on one side and he winced painfully at the light. "Be gentle, yeah?" 

"Always am. Close your eyes..." Music, soft and gentle, began to play as Bond touched him with gentle fingers, warm and oiled with something. Lavender filled the air.

"Mmmm, you're wonderful," Gabriel sighed. "I'm sorry, it all caught up with me at once. You're quite the closet romantic, James."

"Hush, love..." The agent rumbled, as the touches became firmer. Slowly, Bond began to tease out the knots in his muscle, firmly but still gentle as he worked.

"Is there anything I can have Eve go get for you?" he curled up against James's side, grateful for the touch. "I think she is already on a roll to spoiling Tesla rotten."

"Nothing... Alec says he will come and run with me later, so that's something to look forward too...I'll have him bring my laptop around..." The normal warm, rich voice sounded hollow. Dead.

"The adrenaline will help," Gabriel frowned. "You can use my laptop if you like. It will play movies and everything. It's running some facial recognition software right now, so just let that keep going if you use it. I was thinking, when this is over, maybe we can take a real holiday, rather than hiding out. Oh, and you can look up flats if you like."

"I was going to..." Said Bond softly. "I think we both need a fresh start... What's the facial recognition software for?" He asked as he moved down the spine.

"Running it on the CCTV to keep tabs on Bolivar," Gabriel groaned as James found a nasty knot in his lower back. "Where would you like to go on vacation? I haven't really been anywhere outside the UK."

Bond had stiffened.   
"Where is he?" He asked calmly.

"Holed up near the Palace in a bolthole," Gabriel checked the screen. "He hasn't moved. But we want to find out who is behind it, and so we are playing the waiting game. If he threatens anyone else though, he's dead. Not worth the risk."

"Where's my gun?" Bonds voice had hardened into something dangerous, a prelude to violence. "He won't get the chance."

"In my bag," Gabriel got up and pulled his shirt back on. "Grab mine as well? And Eve has some bulletproof vests."

"You're not going near him," growled Bond softly. "You’re the one he wants, you're staying right here. I'm not letting you walk into the trap."

"You AREN'T going without me!" Gabriel crossed his arms. "That's not an option. If you want to know where he is, I'm coming, and so are Alec and Jim."

"If you're there, he will kill us. He is here to collect you and take you to your next _owner_ ," snarled Bond. "Get out of my way before I make you."

Gabriel turned pale as a sheet and sat down hard.  
"Owner? No, please no."

That made Bond soften and he sat beside him. "I'm not going to let you get hurt... I own you, just as much as you own me, Gabriel...' His fingers touched the collar on his wrist.

"Please, be careful," he begged. "I don't know what I would do. Come back safe, please! And at least let me be in your ear."

Bond sighed and realized his hands were shaking. He pulled Gabriel into his arms and hugged him. "I'm... Not strong enough yet..." He pressed a face into his hair. "In sorry..."

"You don't have to be sorry, love," Gabriel whispered against his chest. "We're safe here. You are plenty strong. Strong enough to admit you aren't ready yet."

He laughed bitterly and pulled away. " The old M would kill me if she saw me now..."

"Well, I am proud of you," Gabriel let him go. "I wouldn't be with you if you were still just a cold, hard, killing machine, I need a lover with a heart."


	10. Chapter 10

James smiled bitterly as he reached up to touch Gabriel's hair. "Babe... Try and sleep. You look terrible..." he commented.

"Will you hold me?" He curled up in a ball under the blankets. "I don't want you running off to save the world while I can't be there to guide you through it. And you can tell me where we are going to travel on vacation."

Bond spooned behind him, his arms wrapping around him. His eyes closed and he he nuzzled gently. "Well... How likely is it that I will get you in a plane?"

"As long as you're with me, I should be ok," Gabriel sighed and leaned into him contentedly. 

"South of France is nice... Or we could stay local. There is plenty of places in the British Isles."

"Mmmm, just remember the sunscreen, and we can go wherever you like," he smiled. "Somewhere I can dance? I used to love to go dancing in university."

"I take it sailing is out the question?" He asked softly, stroking his hair.

"Not at all," Q snuggled against him. "Eve can kitten sit, and you can navigate while I read, and cook."

Bond pressed into him, eyes closed. He felt numb... Cold. The shock was wearing off, leaving him feeling vile... Violated.

"We both need a break, as soon as this is over," he held on to James's hands tight as he shook. "Need to get out of our heads and heal in a neutral place."

"I need to get out of my head now..." He breathed, closing his eyes as he took deep breaths, seeking calm and control. He exhaled through his nose. "My head is going so fast..." 

"Do you want to kneel for me ?" Q asked quietly

"I doubt it's a good idea..." Bond said slowly. " I'm volatile - I don't want to lash out and hurt you," he whispered.

"You can keep your eyes open," he patted the blanket next to him. "C'mere love, let me take care of you."

Bond narrowed his eyes and moved up to the blanket slowly, wary as a cat.

Shifting his weight, he slid on to his knees, and tried to relax his arms.

Gabriel took off his own clothes and knelt between James's knees. He pressed his fingers against the pulse points of James's wrists. "Can you feel that love?"

Bond nodded, a jerky motion. He wasn't relaxed, his body was tense and rigid, lined with the tension and... Fear that ran through him. He looked sick.

"I'm here," he put his fingers on James's pulse. "As long as this keeps beating, I won't let you go."

Bond watched him with a gaze that was so soft, sad. He tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come. It took him a moment to realize that he was shaking. His head shaking back and forth as if to say no and then the horror came and he realised that he was crying. Before he realised what was happening, James shattered into a million pieces and he howled his pain, pressing into the naked form of his lover.

"Oh James," Gabriel wrapped his arms around him and rocked him. He held him and let him cry, because the dam had finally broke. Let the tears come and dry, so he could start to heal.

It felt like hours that he howled, but eventually it turned into sobs... Then broken sniffles. Eventually, he slept through sheer exhaustion, leaning against Gabriel, clutching him tightly. The road to recovery was a long one. James had taken a step.

"Oh my sweetheart," Gabriel held on to him. He let James cry himself to sleep on his shoulder, and pulled them back against the pillows. He stayed there, holding James for what felt like the longest time, bringing the kitten onto the bed. 

He slept for a while, the deep cathartic sleep that came after that kind of thing. When he woke, the kitten was rubbing past his face. "Why do cats insist on sticking there ass in your face?" He wondered out loud.

Gabriel laughed in relief. "Just to bloody annoy you, love. Tesla, lay down baby girl. Let Da rest and come snuggle."

Bond shifted so his head was in Gabriel's lap, and pulled the kitten against him, stroking the cat who investigated him excitedly.

"Feel a bit lighter letting some of it out?" Gabriel asked. He smiled fondly at the two. "I'm proud of you. I know that took a lot out of you, but it also let out the stress."

"Don't know yet... The headache is rather distracting..." He mumbled as he slowly pushed to sit up.

"Ah, how about some tea and paracetamol?" Gabriel suggested. "And some toast? It might feel a bit similar to subdrop."

He nodded, sniffing. "Sounds good," he said with a sigh, nodding.

Gabriel grabbed his phone and texted Eve. "Emergency rations on the way," he smiled. He wiped James's nose with the edge of the blanket.

Bonds chuckle was weak, being treated like a child but it was nice. His body hurt, felt detached and heavy. "You don't have to bother her..."

"Shh, she is enjoying getting paid to be home and make tea," Gabriel petted his hair. "And kitten privileges. Let us take care of you for once, love."

"Even so... Texting when we are in the next room... That's just lazy," Bond said and there was a slight smile on his face. Teasing… just teasing.

"Did you want me to get up naked to find her? Eve and I aren't that sort of friends, love," he laughed. "And besides, I want to hold you. After I got away from Silva, I would have loved to be held, and not be alone."

"What sort of friends aren't we?" Eve asked as she backed in through the door and set the tray down.

"The kind that comes naked to ask you to bring me breakfast in bed," Gabriel laughed. He pulled the blankets up around James.

"I could have made it," Bond replied through closed eyes and a grim smile.

"This isn't about you making it," Gabriel scolded as Eve left. "This is about me taking care of you."

"Tea and toast is hardly strenuous," he said with a smirk as he sat up slowly, and pulled the tray closer to pour tea.

"And no matter how stroppy you get mister, I won't be leaving you alone," Gabriel smiled. "Don't make me gag you."

His face darkened, then went blank. He looked away, the tease hitting too close to home

"Hey, hey," Gabriel caught James's chin and looked him in the eyes. "I won't have you hiding from me love, you need to tell me if you don't like something. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't read minds either."

"Gags..." He said softly, eyes closing. "Bolivar..." He reached for the toast and crunched in the corner.

"Oh, love I'm sorry," Gabriel closed his eyes and winced. He could see Silva in his head, threatening with a gag. "I'm so sorry."

He shrugged and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "You didn't know..."he said softly.

"I know, but I don't want to hurt you love," Gabriel frowned. "I have memories like that too, they come up as they do."

"How..." He paused and took a sip of tea, time to gather his thoughts. "How do you survive it? How do you get through when you feel constantly on the edge of break down?" He shook his head. "I... Trust you. With my life... But right now, touch is abhorrent... The thought of more?" He shuddered.

"Sometimes you take it a single minute at a time," Gabriel said. "Sometimes there are good days, and you think it's getting better. And then it feels like you have gone all the way backward, with a really bad episode. And some days I crave being touched, I just want a good touch to make the bad memories go away. And other days there isn't enough hot water to ever make me feel clean again. But I can't let Silva win, and have that. If he takes away my lover's touch, it doesn't matter that he is dead. I need to be able to be loved."

"It does feel like subdrop," observed Bond in a quiet voice. "The worst drop ever..." His hand found Gabriel's. "Feed me?"

"Of course," Gabriel held another piece of toast for him. "And when we are on your beautiful boat, we can do nothing but let me feed you, and take care of you. Some quiet will do us both a world of good, without jumping at shadows."

He ate the toast slowly, letting himself drift with the simple actions of being fed. His mind felt like it was slowing down, relaxing a little... Just a little. It was a start at least.

"Would you like to sleep, love?" Gabriel handed him the mug of tea to sip. "We can both use more rest. And as long as Tesla is behaving, we should take advantage of the opportunity."

"No..." He said softly. "You sleep... I'll stay here... Use your laptop..."

Gabriel started to protest, but a yawn cut him off. He handed James the laptop and snuggled against his side.  
"Wake me if you need me, yeah?" He closed his eyes and drowsed against his lover's shoulder.

"I will..." turning his head, he pressed a kiss to his temple. "Sleep now, babe..." he cooed. 

Gabriel awoke a few hours later to James petting him with one hand, as he typed with the other. He snuggled against him and stretched.  
"Hey love," he caught James's brilliant blue eyes. "Come kiss me?"

Bond jumped as Gabriel spoke and leant down to kiss him lightly on the lips. "I've sent you a list of houses and apartments that I think are suitable... I also bought myself a tablet..."

"Ahhh, tell me about them?" Gabriel smiled, excited that James had been able to find something happy to think about for awhile. "Is Tesla bugging Auntie Evie again?"

As happy as it should have been for James to find the apartments, he sounded hollow about it. He pushed up. "Yeah. Q, I am going to go for a walk..."

"Take Jim or Alec, yeah?" Gabriel worried. "And wear the vest and hat, the bulletproof ones. Be careful love, please?"

"I am not the one they are after, Jim and Alec have far more important things to do than babysit me," Bond replied tartly, looking annoyed.

"Please James," Gabriel said stiffly, very close to begging. "It would make me feel better. Bolivar had no issue using you to get to me once, he won’t hesitate to do it again.."

"I need to be alone, babe, just for a while," James muttered as he pulled the vest on.

"Can you go work out at the gym in the basement then?" Gabriel didn't want to meet his eyes and have James see the tears. "Please?"

He punched the wall. "You’re smothering me! I'm not staying holed up in here!" He snarled as he went for the door. "Just leave me alone! All of you!"

Gabriel curled up under the blanket without another word, hiding his tears. He had a bad feeling about this, and he was terrified that James leaving angry was the last time he would see his lover.


	11. Chapter 11

It was Eve that came in to Gabriel to offer comfort. Without saying anything, she tugged the shaking boy into her arms. "Its okay..." she cooed. Jim glanced into the room, a question on his face. Eve nodded at it. "Its alright, Q, Jim will tail him."

"I'm scared Eve," he admitted. "What if now that I finally found someone, I lose him? I love him, and I'm scared."

"You can't face everyone's demons for them, Q," Eve said gently, stroking his hair. "You just can't, the world does not work like that..."

"I know," he sighed. "I’m not trying to fight his demons, I'm trying to keep him alive long enough to do it on his own. I know he has always been reckless, and acted first and thought second. I suppose I shouldn't expect that to change."

She nodded. "Acted first and thought second... If he thought at all!" She smiled, teasing. "You can't cage a lone wolf... And how would you feel if you were always being watched?"

"I would rather be alive and watched," Q mused. "But, I know he sees it differently. I just worry, I can't help it. And I'm not in his ear to get him out if it goes wrong."

"He's gone for a walk, Q, that's all..." She soothed and then her phone rang. She answered. "Yes... What do you mean, you've lost him?...Well, how the hell did he get his tracker out?"

Gabriel had the very real sensation of terror, his body turning cold.  
"I think I know where he is... Here are the coordinates for where Bolivar is holed up. Get backup there first!" He pulled on the headpiece and logged onto his laptop, opening the programs he used to run missions from home. "R, I need a tactical team at the address I'm sending, soon as you can. Bond dug out his tracker and went in without backup."

"That's where I am," Jim said calmly as London bustled around him. "He's gone further, I think I saw him go into the underground network....'

"Underground network? Eve, get Alec on the phone, maybe he knows something?" Q could hear the blood pounding in his ears.

Alec was calm when he answered the phone, although he sounded hung over. "What?" He grumbled.

"Bond dug out his tracker and went into the underground network," Eve told him. "Q is on comms with 6, 004 is at Bolivar's location. Where would he be headed? He's got protective gear on but he's alone. Gun is gone, Q says."

"What kind of state was he in when he left?" Alec asked in that same, too calm, voice that James used.

"Q?" Eve handed him the phone.  
"He was angry that I asked him to take you or Jim with him for a walk," Q sighed. "I suggested the basement gym. But he was determined. At least he has on a vest and the Walther, but I have no idea where he is going to send backup or extraction."

"You might to watch any of the train bridges, I will check any of the bars I know he frequents..." He said softly, and although Alec was calm, there was a lilt in his voice that said so much. 

"Train bridges?" Q's hands shook. "I don't- oh Alec, no. Please tell me he wouldn't."

"If he is going to do it, then that's how he would. I know, I would do the same... And yes, we have discussed this...' He said quickly.

"Eve," Q dropped the phone. "What do I do?"

"You get on your laptop, and run your face recognition software," Eve said sharply.

"Ok." Gabriel set his jaw and grabbed his laptop. "R, I need a backup team to the major train bridges, coordinate with 006. We need to find Bond NOW!"

London's heavens opened, and drenched them. It was several hours before Alec called. "I have him."

"Thank god," Gabriel dropped the laptop onto the table and covered his mouth. He felt like sobbing in relief, but he had to wait and see how James was handling everything before thinking of himself.

Eve plucked the phone away from Q and spoke to Alec quickly, sharp, rapid sentences. She turned to Q. "Get dressed"

He nodded, and reached for the clothes in a heap on the floor. He pulled them on without noticing the backwards jumper, or untied shoes.

Eve glanced at him and huffed. "Pull yourself together, Quartermaster," she snapped.

"I'm about as together as I'm going to get," he retorted. "Who is driving?"

"Me," she said and they went outside. They drove to the road, which overlooked the high speed line, trains which went under the channel tunnel. The road was closed and there he was, leaning on the bars and watching the trains rush past below.

Getting out the car, he approached the man slowly. 

"James?" Gabriel asked softly. "Do you want some company?" He was terrified of saying the wrong thing, and James dying before his eyes.

Bond flicked the cigarette onto the line below and shrugged. "S'up to you." 

Gabriel stepped cautiously towards him. He shivered, the rain was cold, and he hadn't brought a coat.  
"I-" he stopped, unsure of what to say.

James watched with large, sad eyes as another train whisked past below them. "Have you ever wanted to just vanish? Just go and not look back?"

"Of course," Gabriel nodded. "A lot more, before I met you. My whole life has been coping, one tragedy after the next. But now that I can afford it, I find that all I want is to be safe at home."

James hummed thoughtfully as he watched a train go the opposite direction. There was a determination in him, but it was over shadowed by a hesitation. 

Gabriel moved closer and put his head down on James's shoulder. "What love? You can tell me."

James jerked and his knuckles - which were clasped to the rails - went white. "Why are you here, Gabriel? What do you want from me?" He shrugged off his jacket and handed it to him. "Put that on, you'll freeze."

"I was worried," he sighed. "Alec said you had talked about this. I don't want anything from you, I just want you."

"Talked about what? I thought I spotted him lurking in the distance," grumbled Bond

"He said you had talked about how you would choose to die," Gabriel winced and tried to swallow around the words.

He growled under his breath. "Traitorous bastard," he muttered, irritable words.

"I won't stop you, if you're determined," Gabriel shivered again. "But I hope I gave you a better option."

"You couldn't stop me, if I was determined," Bond corrected him mildly. "No, I don't want to talk about it... And I have no options any more. I'm... broken, Gabriel."

"You might be broken," Gabriel put his hand on the back of his neck. "But breaks heal stronger. And you have healed before. You have options, if you want them."

The hair on Bond's neck literally prickled under his touch. He growled a warning, the sound a clear incentive. "Go away, Quartermaster," Bond shoulders stiffened.

"Ok," Gabriel turned to hide the tears. "Just tell me one thing? If I told you to kneel, took you out of your head, what would you do?"

Bond shook his head, and his shoulders ached from the tension held in them. He didn't know.

"James!" Gabriel slipped into his quartermaster voice, the dominant voice. The one who would drag Bond through this. "Look at me when I speak to you."

As petulant as a child, Bond turned his cold gaze to him, eyes blinking slowly.

"Now, come with me," Gabriel ordered, and held out his hand, the key ring in his palm. "You aren't yours to destroy any longer. You belong to me."

Bond snarled at that, lips curling back in an animal growl. "Excuse me?" He breathed, voice and demeanor dangerous.

"You belong to me," Gabriel didn't flinch. "And I belong to you. You don't make decisions for just yourself anymore."

If Gabriel had said just the first sentence, Bond would have killed him, he was sure of it... As it was, he was angry. But the second part softened him just a little. His own words spoke back to him.

Gabriel just took a breath and stood there, trying not to panic. He didn't know what he would do if James didn't respond.

His eyes rose to the heaven and his eyes closed. He whimpered and slowly sunk to his knees. In the middle of London, with half of MI6 watching, he sank to his knees. They watched, and there was a collective gasp as James Bond, Double oh seven, knelt for the quartermaster, and bowed his head. 

Gabriel wrapped his arms around the man and sunk down next to him.  
"Hey, sweetheart, look at me," he tilted James's face up to look at him. "I'm so proud of you. I love you."

Bond couldn't answer, his eyes down cast. He shook with a need that he could not name.

"Come on, let's go somewhere else where I can hold you, ok?"  
He wrapped his arm around James and pulled him up.

James wobbled ominously and staggered... But Alec was there on his other side, his presence strong. He draped a blanket around James's shoulders, and walked on his other side, steering the pair back to a SUV, and packing them into the back.Bond was shivering now, and pulled his shirt off, getting the dry blanket onto bare skin. 

"Alec, is there somewhere secure we can have some time alone?" Gabriel asked, grateful for the help. "I think we need some time together."

"And some clothes for the both of us," Bond added in a clipped tone. Alec nodded. "I'll take you to one of the safe houses... It's empty, you will have the run of the place." 

"Thanks Alec," Gabriel said gratefully. "Can you get our bags, and let Eve know we need her to keep an eye on Tesla? Or do you want her to come, James?"

"Bring her along," The pair said, at exactly the same time. They both looked surprised... then both grinned a little. Brothers, separated at birth.

"Ok, I think I lose that one," Gabriel laughed. "Although I think Tesla has decided she prefers you anyway, James, sneaking her extra bacon and all. The house is stocked with food, and Alec can be there downstairs in case we need him." He bundled James onto his lap and gave him a small squeeze. "Come on, let's get you taken care of and settled in."

The house was a two story, semi detached house with a large rear garden that was on a steep slope. Bond could hear water at the bottom of the garden, and could make out a pond that was overgrown. They went in through the back, and Alec went to get clothes and the cat for them, as James traipsed upstairs, shedding the blanket as he went and into the bathroom. The door was left open though as he started to run the bath.

Gabriel sat down next to the tub, wrapped in a towel. He ran his fingers through James's hair and down his neck. "Do you want a hand, sweetheart?" 

"You're getting in with me," his hand went to the back of Gabriel's neck, and he could feel the chill in his skin. He added something that frothed and foamed before he sunk into the heat.

"Ok," Gabriel stripped off the towel and climbed in with him. He leaned back against James and shivered a bit. "This feels nice, I didn't realize how cold I was." He put his arms back around James's neck and relaxed into him with a relieved sigh.

"You’re a bloody idiot for leaving without a coat on," Scolded Bond, reaching for the sponge and soap. He lathered them together and started to wash Gabriel softly, getting him very wet and soapy as he did.

"I had to stop someone I love from doing something foolish," Gabriel whispered. "Mmmm, this is nice." He curled against James's side and closed his eyes.

Bond made an annoyed sound. "It never gets spoken of again," and he dumped a jug full of warm water over his head, and started to shampoo it, using fingers to tease out the knots

"I can't promise that," Gabriel shook his head. "I won't bring it up unless you need to, but I think you burying everything for so long has been part of the problem of why you got here."

"Talking does not help problems, Gabriel. It just makes them feel more unmanageable," he replied. "I kill the source of the problem, then it goes away. Silva, Bolivar and every other son of a bitch out there who threatens people I love."

"How has that worked for you so far?" Gabriel asked with a sigh. "Because from where I see, there's a lot of hurt that you have buried, and that hasn't healed."

"Such as - and I am not ready to talk about Bolivar, babe," James said, busying himself with washing, and warming up the man he loved.

"Such as, you still have dreams about losing me and it scares me," Gabriel admitted. "And such as you standing on that bridge. How would you have felt if it was me instead?"

"I've lost everyone else, Gabriel. I've lost Alec at least six times but the bloody bastard keeps turning back up - twice to his own funeral," 

"Ahh... so it runs in the family does it?" Gabriel laughed. "I don't think I'm quite capable of that, love. And I think it's different to TRY to die, rather than go on a mission and try to survive."

"I said that's not being discussed," he pushed the young man forwards and handed him the sponge and soap before he twisted so that Gabriel could wash his back.

"That's quite enough out of you," Gabriel sighed. "Kneel. You don't get to be needlessly reckless with yourself anymore. Now, tell me what's going on that's making you so stroppy."

"I went for a walk and you lot closed down half of London for it. I mean, talk about overreactions," Bond said shortly. He wasn't playing ball. "I took my tracker out because I needed time to breathe and clear my head. I had a drink and was just thinking when you lot swooped in to save the day!"

"You were standing on a bloody train bridge!" Gabriel tried not to lose his temper. "That is where Alec said you would be, and if you were to chose how to die, that would be it. So excuse me for caring. Bloody hell, James." Gabriel got out of the tub and grabbed a towel before James could see his tears.

Bond really did not understand what the problem was. He followed, getting out the tub. "Come back, babe," he called as he went after him. 

"Just, give me a few minutes, please James?" Gabriel had his back turned and was facing the window. "I don't know how to tell you this so you will understand, and its really bothering me."

"I scared you. I scare you, because things like living and dying don't seem to matter to me... and you piss me off," James stated, and he sounded angry now. In fact, it was the first unguarded emotion that he had since Bolivar had hurt him. "Do you really think that I would kill myself and allow Bolivar to lay a finger on you? Do you really think I am that selfish?"

"I don't know," Gabriel was crying now and hated himself for it. "I had this bad feeling about you leaving, and then they lost you, and Alec said that. I wasn't thinking of Bolivar getting me. I was thinking about not having this anymore, and I realized I would do anything to keep it. And I'm sorry I piss you off, but I don't know how to care about you without it making you angry."

Bond stepped forwards, and slowly wrapped his damp limbs around Gabriel. His fingers carded though his hair gently. "Gabriel..." he asked softly. "When was the last time that you let go? In safety?" 

Gabriel shivered. "Safely? Never. But I can't ask you to do that."

Bond pressed a kiss to his neck and then bit down on the muscle. "Gabriel... Kneel..."


	12. Chapter 12

"But-" he sighed and dropped to his knees with an exhale. He melted against James's knees and started to sob.

Bond moved behind him and knelt, his hands running through his hair lightly, every touch, gentle and lightly. Grounding touches, soothing, stroking and finding his own comfort in looking after his lover. He pulled Gabriel back into his arms. "Arms around my neck, baby," he cooed lightly into his ear, and then scooped him up. He winced as injuries pulled and stitches tugged and carried him into the bedroom.

Gabriel allowed James to carry him, and melted into the protective arms with relief. "Feels so good to let you hold me," he snuggled into James's neck. "I needed this. I didn't realize how bad."

"Shhh" James said, as he rubbed at Gabriel's hair with the towel and dried him off, rubbing until his skin was dry. He peeled back the blankets. "In," he ordered, nodding his head. "I'll join you in a bit, I'm going to finish showering and get tea... I'll leave the door open, okay?"

"Yes, Commander," Gabriel gazed at his lover with a grateful smile. "I'll be waiting, Sir."

Bond nodded. He showered, and called out when he was going downstairs. He came back up later with a tea tray and a ginger ball of fluff around his neck. "Look who has arrived," he said, and tilted so that the kitten could jump onto the bed.

"Hey sweetheart," Gabriel kissed the pouncing ball of ginger, and let her loose to romp. "I missed you, love." He stretched, the covers riding down on his stomach. He rubbed the thin trail of black hair that led down his chest and stomach.

"Alec is taking the safe house across the road, and there are agents posted at each end of the road," Bond said as he poured a cup of tea for Q. "Now. Drink this, and eat," he tapped the rich tea biscuits that were on a saucer.

"Ok," he agreed, taking the tea. "Oh, its the good kind!" he exclaimed, "You made loose leaf, and my favorite biscuits. Mmmm, this is a treat."

He nodded and slipped under the covers beside him, warmer and dryer. They drank and ate in silence before James broached the subject. "Feeling better?" 

"Yes," Gabriel curled up on his shoulder with a smile. "This is exactly what I needed. I love taking care of you, but I was running on empty, more than I realized. God, I hope this is over soon. I'm worn out."

"Then lets take care of each other," Bond's arm went around him and he ran a hand up and down his arm gently. "I'm honoured that you knelt, too... I know that is a big deal for you... probably more then it was for me..."

"It... it was a relief actually," Gabriel said thoughtfully. "You are the type of person I thought of kneeling for, before I met Silva. Someone I could trust, that cherished me. It was better than I hoped."

"I do cherish you," Bond took a calming breath. "I love you... I really do, you know..." he said softly.

"I know," Gabriel kissed his shoulder. "I'm sorry I made you angry. I was so scared."

James blinked at him slowly and moved the tray off his lap. "Do you trust me?" his hand came up to his cheek lightly, cupping and caressing it gently.

"Of course," he linked their fingers together.

Bond dipped his head and slowly, very slowly, kissed him. "Baby, put your hands above your head and grip the headboard. Close your eyes. Do not let go or open your eyes, do you understand me?"

"Yes, Sir," Gabriel gripped the headboard and closed his eyes. "Anything else?"

Bond kissed him. Slowly at first, reassuring with every moment. His fingers brushed over his skin, ever so lightly. They slowly swept down his arms, leaving trails of goosebumps as Bond touched him. He deepened the kiss, overpowering and seizing control of it.

Gabriel moaned into his mouth, begging for a more solid touch. The combination of his mouth being plundered, and his skin being teased, was driving him wild. He wanted fulfillment, the total possession of his body. But James was set on teasing him, pushing him between pleasure and distraction.

It wasn't even teasing, James's was slowly drawing every ounce of awareness into Q's body, and the only touch was the drifting fingers.

He gripped the bed frame as tightly as he could, because he wanted to grab on to his lover's hair, and pull his mouth back. And he wanted to open his eyes and see the sight of his lover's face as he studied him. He could feel the hungry gaze, even with his eyes closed. But he had been commanded, so he obeyed.

Bonds fingers brushed and teased, skimming over flesh, pulling Q back into his body with every sweeping stroke. He nipped at his jaw and trailed hot, wet kisses, down across his chest, down to a nipple.

"James, please?" He didn't even know what he was begging for yet, whether James's mouth on him, or his hand, or James inside him. He just needed more.

"James what?" hummed the man, and there was an inherent smugness in that voice, because Bond knew exactly what he was doing. He licked a trail over his stomach and blew lightly over the moist skin, shifting to accommodate his spreading legs... then kissing straight past where he wanted him.

"Please, more, I need more," Gabriel begged.He tried to grind against Bond, get some friction on his aching cock. But Bond was deliberate to tease him, to enjoy the sight of him, writhing, leaking and begging.

Bond bit down on his hip bone and gently sucked a bruise there. "What do you need?" Bond asked as he let his tongue trail close... but not close enough. He was wondering if he should be alarmed that his own body was showing little to no response, no arousal. He wanted to be... but it just wasn't. He pushed it away.

"You, please, I need you," he begged. "Need you to touch me, want you inside me."

"Why do you need me to touch you?" Bond breathed in his ear, waiting for his own body to respond. Nothing... not a thing. Shit.

"Because you are turning me on," Gabriel begged. "And because you touching me feels so good, but it's not enough."

Bond slowly licked the head of his cock, a sweeping stroke. "Better?" He asked pleasantly.

"James?" He could feel that something was different than usual, picking up the subtle hiccup in Bonds voice. . "What is it?" He wished he could see Bond's eyes, because it felt like he was being distracted from something that was going on.

James didn't answer, just lowered his head and sucked the head of Q's cock into his mouth slowly.

"Red!" Q said sharply. It felt like Bond was on autopilot, none of the warm, considerate lover that had been kissing him remained. The agent was completely detached, and for the first time, Q felt sorry for the marks that Bond slept with. He wondered how they didn't notice.

Bond sat back, recognising the safe word. "What did I do?"

"It feels like you aren't here," Q whispered. "Can I open my eyes now?"

"Yes, of course, if that's what you want," Bond replied.

"If you weren't ready James, you didn't have to initiate sex," Q told him, cupping his jaw so he could see Bond's eyes. "I would have been happy to kneel, and have you hold me. But I can feel you going somewhere else, in your mind. And I realized that is how your marks must feel on a mission, like they have your body, but you aren't there."

Bond frowned and looked down at himself with something akin to disgust. "At least I can make myself perform when I have a mark..." It could have been taken the wrong way, but his words were too filled with self loathing.

"James!" Gabriel pulled him close. "I don't need you to _perform_ , like an actor. I need you to be yourself, whatever you are comfortable with doing."

James wrapped his arms around Gabriel and sighed sadly into his neck gently. "I'm sorry, baby..." He pulled Gabriel back into his arms and against his chest.

"Come and hold me?" Gabriel asked. "That's all I need."

James did just that and wrapped his arms around him and held him for the rest of the night, kissing him when he woke. In the end, just resting in Qs warmth was a lot more restful than trying to sleep.  
The next morning, Q would awake to find Bond gone, although there was a note on his pillow:  
 _In the garden_  
He sat outside in the sun, which had made a last ditch attempt at summer, legs stretched out, propped on another chair, just relaxing.

"Hi love," Q smiled from the doorway with his mug of tea. He had on one of Bond's shirts unbuttoned, and a pair of sleep pants. "Do you want some tea?" He went to James and set down his tea, and sat on his lover's lap. He wrapped his arms around Bond's neck and laid his lips against his pulse line, reveling in the alone time and security.

Bond smiled a little, a shy little thing and nodded. "That would be nice," he said with a smile.

"Do you want me to bring breakfast out here?" He kissed James a final time and stood, collecting his tea mug.

"Mmm, yes please. It's lovely," his head tipped back and he breathed deep, seeming calm.

"Ok, be back soon," Q went in to start breakfast. He brought James out tea while the food was cooking, and reappeared a few minutes later with a pile of french toast, cut fruit, and a homemade buttery, strawberry syrup to dip.

"Lovely," Commented Bond as he leant over for a slice of toast.

Q sat in the other chair, and pulled Bond's feet into his lap.  
"I could enjoy weekends like this," he admitted contentedly.

"Away-" he paused to swallow the mouthful of toast and smiled sheepishly, "away from your beloved computers?" He teased and tilted his head back, allowing silence to sweep over them for a moment.  
"Somehow the sun just makes things seem that but better... Like there could be a light at the end of the tunnel. Y'know?"

"Yes, away from everything but you, and Tesla," Gabriel agreed. "Sun, grass, maybe a stereo to play music so I don't need the computer. And a nice kitchen to cook."

Bond hummed and picked at the French toast, eating, but slowly. His gaze was vacant but calm, wrapped in a moment of stillness where not even bad memories can intrude.

"Do you want to show me the flats you were looking at?" Gabriel asked quietly. "Maybe we can look at some places with a yard or a garden. Tesla seems to be enjoying it." The kitten was chasing a frog around the pond, pouncing on it from the tall grass.

"After breakfast - and you need to eat some too," pointed out Bond as he was steadily working his way through the food. "Come sit by me."

"Ok," Gabriel came and sat by his chair, and allowed Bond to feed him. "This is really nice, thank you James. The person who goes grocery shopping for the safe houses does a better job than me!"

"Are you feeling better this morning?" He asked softly.

"Yes, much," Gabriel smiled up at him. "Thank you for holding me. Its the best I've slept since the cottage."

"Me too, I think," mused the agent. " You seemed peaceful," he said and reached across him for a cup of tea, taking a sip. "What's the plan for today?"

"All I have to do is check the facial recognition software results, and check in with R," Gabriel yawned. "Then, as little as possible."

"Bolivar?" he asked softly, knowing that he probably did not want to know the answer, but needing it all the same. 

"Yes, I have to keep an eye on the footage," Gabriel sighed. "If I never see him again it will be too soon. But I need to know he is dead before I stop watching."

"I will kill him, you know..." Bond said slowly, his gaze dark and hard as he watched his young lover. "I will make him pay for everything that he has done..."

"I know," Gabriel nodded. "You are the best at what you do. I just won't be able to let my guard down, until I know him, and his whole network that are after us, are gone."

Bond shivered at the memories of what happened that night and his hand reached out for him, squeezing Gabriel's fingers. He needed the contact and pulled him into his arms, resting his head on his shoulder.

Gabriel held him close, knowing the memories James had were just as bad as ones he had with Silva. Just once, he wished for a break from the ghosts that haunted them both. "We will do it love, I will find them, and you will kill them. And then we can go back to the ordinary chaos."

Bond sighed, knowing that he needed a break, sooner rather then later... He needed solace before he drove himself insane. Slowly, he slid off the chair, on to his knees and rested his head against Gabriel's thigh. He did not tremble, did not shake... simply submitted to a man who loved him."Just love me..." the words were barely audible.


	13. Chapter 13

"Of course, you never have to doubt that," Gabriel stroked his hair. "Do you want to be held, or do you want more?"

"I need to get out of my head," his face turned away as he blinked away tears, the rolling emotions that tore through him. "I need to _feel_ something... I would take the whip right now," he breathed. He needed the affirmation that he could still feel. Something. Anything.

"I think pain would drive you out of your skin," Gabriel frowned. "I think you need something different. Go get undressed and lay on the bed for me. And put my bag by the bed, please. I have an idea. I will put the plates in the sink and meet you there."

James nodded and did as he was asked. Gabriel would find him sitting on the edge of the bed, naked and hovering between sitting and kneeling and unable to decide which.

"Lay on your stomach for me, love," Gabriel coaxed, pouring massage oil on his hands to warm it. He worked his way down Bond's back with broad smooth strokes, and then worked back up, stopping to rub the knots surrounding each vertebrae.

James moved onto his stomach, eyes closing. His grip on the sheets was white knuckled, his hands almost hurting from the tension that he was exacting into the sheets. His face pressed into the sheets.

"Relax, love," Gabriel rubbed his neck with soothing fingers. "Tell me what's going on in your head? I can feel you panicking."

Knots seemed to appear as fast as he worked them out. "Being on my front," Bond said slowly, keeping his voice calm. Calmer than he felt, at least. "Being exposed... like I can't protect myself."

"Oh! Roll over," Gabriel helped him to turn over. "Look at my face, its me. You are safe."

Bonds eyes were screwed shut, his breaths in little pants and he worked through the emotions that welled up. "Fuck..." he snarled, throwing his head back in exasperation.He hated feeling this weak. 

"Sit up, take a deep breath," he squeezed Bond's hand. "Stay with me. Its okay to panic, it's okay to be scared. You aren't failing."

It was an effort to sit and breathe, his eyes opening and his gaze hardening. He blinked slowly at Gabriel and shook his head. "Sorry.. Its hard to push the memories back."

"I know sweetheart, I have been there," Gabriel brushed the sweaty hair off of his forehead. "Remember the flashback I had when we were first together? I have had them for a long time."

"I feel like my body is betraying me, or I am betraying myself... I don't know how I feel any more. Numb? Cold?" Bond growled and shook his head.

"What do you feel like you need?" Gabriel asked. "Try to listen to how your body is feeling."

"Its not feeling... its like I am on autopilot," Bond said slowly. "Like after Vesper and M... only this time, its like I have died..." he explained as he looked down at his bunched firsts. "I..." he exhaled a shaking breath. "I don't know what to do..."

"Ok, kneel for me, on the floor in front of the bed," Gabriel sat back to give him room. "Feel the ground under you, center yourself and stabilize. Short breaths..." he dropped down next to James and ran something across his back.

James did as he was told, knowing that he was running out of options. He closed his eyes, and let his head drop forwards. He breathed... in... and out. In... and out... Slow and deep. He focused in on it, excluding everything else. That and Q's hands.

Qrolled the Whartenberg wheel down Bond's shoulders, across the skin. He wanted something to jar him out of his head, break the train of thoughts that wouldn't stop. "Tell me how it feels."

Bond jerked at the sensation and pulled away. "What the hell is that?" he asked sharply.

"It's a Wartenberg wheel, it's used to test reflexes," Gabriel replied gently and ran it down his front and over his nipples. "Now stay still, and close your eyes. Face away from me."

The sudden orders calmed Bond. Follow orders. He could do that. His hands went too his thighs, resting as he breathed deeply, in and out... he squirmed at the touch, unable to stay still. 

"James!" Gabriel's voice got stern. "Stay Still!. Do you trust me not to hurt you?"

"Of course," he said, without hesitation. He made himself sit still and when his hands started to move, he clasped them behind his back.

"Good job," he leaned in and bit at the sensitive spot that he knew turned James on. Then he grabbed the flogger from the bag, and teased it down his arms.

Bond hisses and forced himself to stay still. His mind was slowing as his heart rate shifted to accommodate what he was feeling. Bond licked his lips, and groaned as the flogger touched him. "Yes..." he hissed, a word, a need coming through the sound.He needed the pain, the pleasure, needed it so he could stop and feel something. Feel human again. 

"Bend for me, touch your forehead to the floor," Gabriel guided his head down. "Now breathe for me," he brought the flogger down across Bond's ribs with a smack of supple leather.

"Yes sir..." Whispered the agent, leaning forwards, resting his head on the backs of his hands. His eyes closed as he felt the heat of the flogger across his skin, the smack that made blood rush to the surface of his skin. He forced himself to breathe... in and out, until it became easier. more natural

"You're doing well," Gabriel switched to the crop, and smacked it gently against Bond's hips. Just enough to cause the leather to pop on his skin, already warmed from the flogger. But not enough to cause true pain and make him retreat.

James groaned. He wasn't retreating, he was present in his body, shuddering under the touches. Not skin, for which he was grateful. "Please..." he breathed. He had no idea what he was pleading for, just more. Just to feel, to know that he was alive.

"My good boy," Gabriel leaned down to lick his ear. He smacked down the crop harder on his arse, while he was distracting him with his mouth.

His head came up and tilted to the side as he let Gabriel lick his ear. His eyes were closed, his expression soft. He moaned, loudly, his mind calm and his body i the moment. 

Gabriel landed several sharp blows down his spine in quick succession. He worked his way down Bond's jaw to catch his bottom lip in his own mouth, and suck at it.

Bond moaned into his mouth and his lips parted. The crop landed once, twice, three times... and Bond came. He came with a thready cry, his body convulsing rapidly. Thick, yellow-pink semen splattered onto the floor. He had been warned that there may be blood in the pipes from the abuse from Bolivar, but it was the shock of the fact that he had orgasmed, that he could still feel that, that took him completely.

"Its ok love," Gabriel cradled him in his arms. "They told us this would happen. That it is normal after what you have been through. I have you, look at me. You're safe, and I'm here. And he is never going to lay his hands on us again."

Bond shuddered through the aftershocks and through it, he found the strength to breathe, to live. To keep kicking to the surface if the cold dark lake he felt he was in. He curled into Q's lap, breathing even.

"You're so good for me," Q kissed his hair, and pulled a blanket off the bed to wrap around them both. "Sip some water for me?" He offered a glass of cool water to James and held it for him to drink.

He did so obediently, raising his head to take small sips of the cool liquid before settling back against him and relaxing. He was still, calm even, his mind feeling calmer.

"Do you feel well enough to go lie on the bed?" Gabriel smiled down at the bright blue eyes that looked more like the agent he knew. "You look like the sun is finally coming out."

"You’re very good at chasing away the rain clouds, Sir," Bond said and after a few minutes, climbed into the bed. 

Gabriel smiled sweetly down at his lover. "I do my best. I take your care seriously, love."

"I can't feel my body," he murmured as he laid back down.

"Is that good or bad?" He curled his body around James and wove their fingers together.

Bond didn't answer, he was fast asleep again, breaths deep and relaxed. He had curled into the foetal position, tucked against his partner. 

Gabriel smiled down at his lover and reached for a book, content to hold him while he slept.

James slept deeply and for the first time in a long time it was restful. Deep breaths, the occasional shift in position and it was close to lunch time when he blinked awake again, sleepy and warm. For a while, he watched as Q read before he asked, "what are you reading?"

"Charles de Lint, one of my favorite authors. I managed to grab his new book last time I was at the bookstore," Gabriel handed over a brightly colored book, "The Cats of Tanglewood Forest". "He writes urban fantasy, people who see magic in the world, Crow Girls, paintings that come alive, fairies that live in the junkyard. It's a nice break from all of the code and evil and blood we see at work."

James took it and glanced over it curiously. He turned it over, read the back and then handed it back thoughtfully.

"Do you want to give it a try when I'm done?" Gabriel put it back on the nightstand as Tesla bounced onto the bed. "Hello little one. You look like you've been having fun. What would you like to do for the rest of the day, James?"

"Very little... perhaps relaxing in the garden? You can suggest something else to read," the words were quiet, soft with a subtle and gentle warmth. His gaze was hooded, and relaxed. Perhaps beating that orgasm out of him had done him some good. "Or you could read to me... but I should probably put some clothes on first... and clean the carpet... not supposed to leave DNA around..." 

Gabriel laughed and nodded, and bent to kiss him. He had missed this side of his lover, the affection. He made sure he moved slowly, but settled his lips against James's with a sigh of contentment.

James responded just as slowly, his hand coming up to cup his cheek gently until the kiss broke apart naturally. He was soft, pliable against him.

"Mmmm, I missed this, love," Gabriel pressed their foreheads together. "You taste good. And I enjoy kissing you."

"I came from pain," James mused thoughtfully. "I didn't even realise I was hard..." His limbs still felt like jelly.

"Well, seems like it eased your mind a bit," Gabriel said thoughtfully. "You were like a tense rubber band. Nice to see you relax. If you happened to want to..." he leaned down and caught James's lip again and pressed their hips together.

Bond groaned and pressed into him with a sigh. The kisses were slow, but hot, his arms wrapping around him.

"D'you want to go outside in the garden?" Gabriel clung to him a bit, turned on to distraction. "I can bring a blanket and we can lie in the shade?"

"The fences are nice and high..." He said softly and brushed his hands through his hair lightly, petting and stroking.

"Safe house," Gabriel smiled. He stretched like a cat, reveling in the feeling of James's touch. "Missed this. You touch me so good."

James pulled back and his smile was almost shy as he stood. "You get blankets and I will wash up," he said as he pulled on boxers to head to the loo.

Gabriel grabbed a blanket off the bed, and a couple of pillows. Tesla followed at his heels, meowing as he chose several books, and went to the kitchen to make a thermos of tea. He laid the blanket and pillows out in the garden, and brought out a tray with the books, tea, and some biscuits.

Bond came out having cleaned up and shaved, something which he had not done since Bolivar. His skin was pink and fresh as he sat down in the sun with his younger lover.

"You look good love," Gabriel kissed him. "And you look like you feel better." Tesla came over, carrying a large flower in her mouth. "What did you bring us, huh?" He lay down against James, and ran his fingers down James's throat, making him shiver.

James let his chin raise a little. It was still black and blue with bruises and his eyes were vacant as he let him touch. After a time, James spoke. Quiet, haunted words… but they were calm. 

"He used his belt..." James said softly. "Around my throat... Like a collar..." His words were soft. "They knew me, Q... They enjoyed it... I remember him and the next... Three? Maybe four? I know I passed out at some point in it all... I remember someone kicking me in the groin to try and bring me back... I think it made me pass out faster...'

Gabriel shivered. "I'm sorry. I know what it's like. I have been there. Maybe you would prefer your collar as a bracelet." He pulled James's arms tighter around himself. "There's no good reason for people like that to exist. It's a waste of oxygen. I don't understand how they justify it, and live with themselves. And I'm glad I don't. I don't want to see inside their heads."

James shifted, so his head was against Q's hip bone, and shuddered. "I want to still be yours... Being your sub willingly has made life exciting... Worth living..."

"You always will be mine," he whispered. "Unless you change your mind. You just needed a bit of grounding, you have a reckless streak as wide as the Channel. I just thought a bracelet might be much easier for you than a collar, we weren't expecting what happened. I want you to have only positive associations with being my sub. It has nothing to do with what happened. I still think you're perfect."

His hand went to his tender throat, and then found Gabriel's hand. "I think that would be best for a time..." He slowly extended his hand for him.

Gabriel took the collar off of his own wrist and wrapped it around Bond's. "You know you're mine, whether you have this on or not?" He kissed his palm, and then each finger tip.

James smiled and nodded. "I know," and with that, he curled up with his head against his stomach and they stayed there most of the day. Reading, napping and just talking, they basked Ib the sun shine. Alec came around and sparred with Bond, provoking him and drawing that anger out until Bond was exhausted once again and napped against Gabriel. When he woke, the sun was setting.

Gabriel was still smiling fondly at him, book on his lap. "I could get used to this," he admitted as sleepy blue eyes opened and blinked at him. "I enjoy spending time time with you like this." He fingered the smooth leather wrapped around Bond's wrist. "I love you," he whispered, bending to kiss him.

Bond accepted the kisses gently and slowly returned them. "Shall we cook? Alec brought steaks... I could use a drink too..." He held up a finger. Just one drink.

"Hmmm... dinner sounds good," Gabriel looked thoughtful. "But how about we see how tomorrow goes first before you have alcohol? Not sure how you are going to feel sleeping tonight without it, you had an emotional day. Let's give your body a break?"


	14. Chapter 14

He wrinkled a nose at that but sighed. A drink would have taken the edge off, helped him stay relaxed where the tension was creeping back in.

"I know you don't like that answer," Gabriel frowned. "But do you trust me to do what's best for you?"

James frowned but offered him a smile, weak as it was. "Yes... I do..."

"Then let me do it, love," he smiled back. "Now you can impress me with your steak cooking skills."

"My body says that steak needs to be washed down with a triple," he replied as he picked up the stuff, and picked up the cat as well, tucking her under one arm as they went inside. 

“Tomorrow, love," Gabriel smiled. "Go on, you can tell me how I can help."

"By staying out of my way," James replied, a little grumpy sounding but by the time the two hunks of beef were frying in garlic butter, the potatoes sliced and frying to make chips, the mood seemed to have faded and he worked, seemingly content.

Gabriel made a salad and set the table, a pitcher of water and tea on the table.   
"It smells great, love."

"It does, doesn't it?" He mused as he flipped the meat. "How do you want yours done?"

"Rare please," Gabriel came behind him and kissed his shoulder. "Do you want dessert?"

"Is that do I want dessert or do I want to be dessert?" He asked, amusement in the voice.

"Whatever you're offering," Gabriel laughed. "I wouldn't turn down having you for dessert. Or there's a lovely flan in the fridge."

Bond paused and turned to him slowly, his eyes dark. "I need you to touch me, baby..."

"Dinner can wait," Gabriel reached around him and turned off the stove. He spun James around and pinned him against the counter with a growl.

James met his mouth, his arms wrapping around him, and he kissed back hungrily. He moaned, pushing against him. He needed him.

"Bed, now," Gabriel met his mouth with a matching hunger. "And take those bloody clothes off." He started unbuttoning James's shirt, and his own, pushing James backward towards the bedroom.

James groaned, pressing into him. He arched and walked backwards, keeping Gabriel close.

"Want you," Gabriel backed him against the bed to lie back, and climbed on top of him. "Need you so bad, love," He flung off the offending garments and groaned against James's shoulder, taking his skin between his teeth to tug with a plead.

James hands moved down his back, his eyes closing. He groaned as Q bit into his skin and Bond arched into him, tugging him to kiss him savagely, almost violently.

"I missed this," Gabriel groaned, licking down to his left nipple, and mouthing at it. "Wanted to touch you so bad, but I needed you to ask, to know you were ready." He fumbled in the bag next to the bed for the lube.

Bond caught his wrist, his hands shaking. He blinked slowly, licking his lips. "Slow... Very slow...'

"I know love," Gabriel poured some lube into James's hand. "Touch yourself for me, let me see."

James groaned and stroked his cock slowly, his eyes on Gabriel. He was semi hard, his eyes wide and dark.

"So good for me," Gabriel slid off his own trousers and pants. "You look so fucking hot like this." He licked his lips and poured some lube in his own hand.

Bond shivered and bit down on his lips. He pushed up on his free elbow. "Touch me..." He whispered.

"Ok," Gabriel kept their eyes locked so he could tell if the other man became overwhelmed. He took both their cocks in his hand, a steady pressure. He groaned at the feeling of his lover's skin against him. He moaned at the warm slickness, and hadn't realized how bereft he had felt without the press of his lover against him.

Bond was in fire, his body responding desperately to the stimulation. His eyes flooded with tears, pained tears, but he groaned. "Don't stop..." He growled. He needed this. Needed him.

"I won't, love," Gabriel assured with a smile. "I have you. You feel so good in my hand. And you feel so good on my cock. I'm not going to last long though."

Bond moaned and his head fell back on to the bed. He clawed at the sheets. "Please…” He shuddered. "Please, Sir...'”

"Please, what?" Gabriel kept stroking them both. "Tell me."

"Please let me come..." He whispered, almost pain in his words.

"You can come any time you're ready," Gabriel assured him. "Whenever you're ready." He groaned, come spurting over his fingers. "I tried... to wait...."

Bond couldn't though... He could not get over the edge. A soft growl of frustration. He made himself relax and close his eyes, to breathe deeply.

"Here, let me hold you," Gabriel spooned behind him and licked at his neck. He took James's cock in his hand and started stroking, while he nuzzled at him.

James groaned, pushing his head back into his shoulder, trying to ground himself in the sensations, in the touch of his lover whilst trying to let go. Bond groaned loudly.

"You look so good," Gabriel whispered. "And you taste so good." He slid a finger between James's buttocks, a light tease, nothing aggressive.

It didn't work and his mind flashed back to another time, another place... Pain. Instinct kicked in, over riding thoughts and plans. Bond moved, snatching his wrist and twisting it. He was on his feet, dragging Q's hand behind his back... And he snatched the gun from under his pillow, and pressed it to the back of Gabriel's skull.

"Love, look at me," Gabriel was trembling, and tried to stay as still as possible. "James," he took a gamble. "James, KNEEL."

Bond snarled and shoved the gun into the back of his skull, keeping him there as he jerked on his boxers. "Stay where you are. Don't move..." The words were calm.

"I'm not moving," Gabriel took a deep breath, glad Tesla was off playing somewhere that she couldn't scare James. "Tell me where you are, tell me who you think I am."

James pointed the gun to the side of Q's head, six inches beside his ear and fired. The sound was like a whip. "Shut up! Don't talk," he snarled.

"Ok," Gabriel was trying to keep himself from getting anxious. _'I have the same training he does,'_ he reminded himself. _'Let him see that I'm not a threat and give him time to recognize me.'_

The gun pulled away and there was the sound of hurried dressing, the pulling on of clothes, shoes... Gabriel didn't see the hand waver as he moved back away from him too the door.

Gabriel waited for him to leave, eyes on his own mobile. He needed to message Alec once James bolted.

"James," Alec's voice came from the stairs as he came up. "Put the gun down..." He said slowly, his own gun in hand.

Gabriel breathed a sigh of relief. Not that he didn't have confidence in his lover, but the PTSD added a whole other element to a relationship fraught with the emotions of two damaged people.

Alec suddenly moved, and a shot was fired from a second gun. James jerked as he was hit with some sort of dart, the plunger pushing into him. James blinked as the world went dark and he collapsed.

Gabriel sagged against the wall and exhaled loudly. "Thanks Alec, I was starting to get worried." 

"You okay?" Alec asked as he moved to Bond, kicking the gun out the way. He glanced at Q, then away. "And put some clothes on? This won't hold him down long."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Gabriel hopped on one foot, trying to get on his pants. "I pushed him too far, it was my fault. He was getting frustrated and... anyway. Thanks."

"We heard the gunshot - M ordered him to have a weapon, just in case," he looked at Q. "Go bring up a cup of sweet tea," he ordered as James stirred. "And I think you need to think about putting your relationship on hold. He's dangerous to you."

"Don't start that again, Alec," Gabriel sighed. "I pushed him too hard." He went down to make tea, and didn't let Alec see him wipe his eyes.

When he returned, James was sitting up, looking groggy, blinking slowly in that way that said his system was full of drugs.

"Hey," Gabriel knelt next to him. "You back with us?"

"I think so..." He said and shoved both his hands through his head in a way that said he was clearly agitated, restless and somewhat embarrassed. Alec plucked the cup out or Q's hand and handed it to Bond.

Gabriel laid a hand on Bond's shoulder. "Drink your tea, love. I'm sorry I scared you."

There was a pitiful meow and the cat came in and went to James. He ran a trembling hand down her body, petting awkwardly.

"Thank you, Alec," Q stood up. "I can take it from here."

Bond grumbled and nodded thanks to Alec as he took his leave. He gulped the tea and stood up.

"Let's get some dinner in you," Q suggested. "Get something in your system to offset the tranquilizer."

"Please... Otherwise I'm going to be falling asleep all evening..." Which meant waking up early.

"And some coffee maybe," Q and Tesla followed James downstairs. "I don't think I'll sleep anyway. Oh no, Tesla, you didn't!" There in the middle of the floor was Q's rare steak, kitten teeth marks around one side.

James wobbled and grabbed the wall, trying not to fall as he barked out startled laughter.

Q caught his arm around the staggering agent, a wry laugh escaping. "Never a dull moment with you two, I swear. I suppose if I wash it off and reheat it, it should be just fine. I'm sorry James, I was really looking forward to this."

"I think I should sit down before I fall down," James said as he used the walls as a prop before sitting carefully.

Gabriel rubbed his shoulders. "You had a rough time, I'm sorry." He turned on the stove to reheat the steaks and started the coffee pot.

"Why are you apologising? I was the one that threatened you..."

"I pushed you too far," Gabriel reached for two mugs. "It was my fault."

James shook his head. He shook his head and frowned. "Let's move forward... I'm sorry for threatening you..."

"I'm still here," Gabriel handed him a mug of coffee with a smile. "Although please tell your best friend that I and NOT leaving."

"He is right, you know," James said softly. "Although... I'm glad your not... I'm pretty sure I would lose whatever I have left...'

"I told you we would work it out together," Gabriel handed him a plate and sat down on his lap. "And I'm yours for as long as you'll have me."

James hummed, resting his cheek against the younger man's back. He shivered with the comfort and began to eat slowly.

"Love you," Gabriel spoke softy. He reached for his own steak. "Oh! This tastes better than it smells. Even with kitten chew marks and washing."

He smirked and glanced down at the cat. "If she spends all night throwing up, its your job to clean," mused Bond. 

"Of course it is," Gabriel giggled around a mouthful of potatoes. "Whatever it is, I'll deal with it in the morning. Do you want to take dessert outside?"

"Nah, its getting cold," he said, still slightly slurred. "The sedative is making me slow, I'm gonna smack Alec."

"I did need his help," Gabriel admitted. "I just wish it didn't always come with his opinion. Let's go lie down, love. I'll start a fire."

"Opinions are like assholes, Gabe, everyone has one," he blinked slowly. "Alec has more than one..."

Gabriel laughed from where he was kneeling to start a fire in the living room. "Remind me of that next time Alec annoys me. Come here love." He had pulled a blanket off the couch, and patted a space for James.

James came to him, dropping heavily to his knees and then leaning against him with a depressed sigh. His shoulders had dropped and he seemed fed up.

"Hey, none of that," Gabriel scolded. "It just takes time. And I need you to hold me."

James hummed softly. "That I can do," he said thoughtfully, and wrapped long limbs around him gently, pulling him against him.

Gabriel wrapped himself up in James's arms with a content sigh. "I missed this. I wanted to make love to you, and all I did was scare you."

"I was okay until you touched...," he waved a hand, gesturing to his behind. "You were my first... And then it was Bolivar and his men..."

"I'm sorry, I didn't want you to get frustrated," Gabriel laid his head against James's. "I didn't plan to do any more than that. But you reacted, and I realized I made a mistake."

Bond tightened his arms around Q and pressed his face into his neck. "I am sorry... I didn't even know it was you... It was... Strange almost. It was kill or be killed... I should have realized..."

"You've been through a lot," Gabriel nuzzled against him. "A little slower then. I will let you take the lead and show me what you need."

James turned into him and kissed him, slowly. "Stay where I can see you," he said and slowly, very slowly, took the collar off his wrist and handed it to Q. He needed that familiar comfort, the safety blanket of knowing that Q had him.

Gabriel held on to the collar and returned the kiss. He let everything flow into it, his worry, affection, and love. He kept his hands where James could see them, and relaxed into his lover.

Bond took his hand that held the collar and slowly guided it to his neck. He lifted the other to meet it, and the intention was clear. He wanted it back.


	15. Chapter 15

He took the collar and bucked it slowly around his lover's neck, pressing a soft kiss to the hollow of his throat. He fastened it on the loosest notch, and rubbed his cheek against James. The stubble on their jaws brushed together, and Gabriel sighed. "How about if I lie back, and you can do what you like? It needs to be on your terms, for you to be able to work through being on the receiving end of sex again."

Bond was pressing slow, careful kisses to his throat, collarbone and shoulders. The collar... Bond had relaxed since Q did it up. "Come to bed..." He breathed.

"Of course," a gentle sigh whispered against James's hair. The trip to the bedroom was fast, Q pressing open mouthed kisses against his pulse.

James kisses back, every movement slow and gentle, almost worshipful. He worshiped with touch and kisses as he slowly unbuttoned the shirt, pushing it down.

Q relaxed, reveling in the feeling of his lover's touch. He leaned into the strong hands and let them undress him with a content sigh.

Bond kissed his jaw, and sucked a bruise on his neck. "I love you..." He whispered

Gabriel moaned softly. "I love you, James. So much." He rubbed against him.

With gentle touches, Bond slowly undressed his young lover and himself, breathing deeply. The covers he pulled up over them, keeping away the chill as Bond kissed and explored his young lover with reverence.

Gabriel allowed his eyes to drift shut, cocooned in the warmth of James's touch. He pressed their bodies together, and mouthed at James contentedly.

James' mouth was everywhere, moving over Q with gentle touches and kisses, his hands exploring. Slowly, warm, damp fingers circled his erection.

"Baby, take what you need," Gabriel insisted. "Want you to come."

Bond guided Gabriel's hand to him, guiding his fingers around his semi hard cock. He pushed his hips into the grip and moaned.

Gabriel took his mouth then, a desperate plea to his lover to trust him. He kept his fingers gentle on his cock, his other hand tangled in James's hair.

James moaned and his body responded as he pushed into that hand, allowing the touch but craving the control. He thrust gently.

"You're mine," Gabriel said. "Do you understand? No one can take that away." He slid his hand up and down James's hard on, keeping him as close as possible.

James fingers moved on Gabriel's, a low curse on his lips. He bucked into the touch.

"Easy," Gabriel wrapped their fingers together, James's cock between them. "Nothing to rush about. Are you enjoying it?"

He nodded. The head of his cock was an angry red thing, the vein pulsing. Bond moaned into his neck.

"Well then just enjoy," Gabriel captured his lips for another kiss. "Stop thinking so much. It’s not about the orgasm love."

Bond softened against him and writhed against him, slowing but relaxing. His kisses were sweet, gentle... Loving. "I want... Make you come..." He whispered between kisses.

"Just enjoy sweetheart," Gabriel showered him with soft kisses. "I'm enjoying being in your arms." He gripped his hip, and pressed into him. "You feel good. It's been too long since you've been relaxed."

Bond snorted at that, and amusement slid into his face followed by surprise as pleasure tore through him, ripping through the barriers. He came hard and fast, jerking with pleasure.

Gabriel sighed against his mouth, kissing him down from the orgasm. "So good for me. Little easier once you stopped pressuring yourself."

Bond whined, unable to articulate what he felt. He had no words for the rushing sensation, the rolling pleasure. He nuzzled into Q and his hand cupped his balls before returning the favour.

Jame's traced his tongue over his lovers as he stroked him. "Baby..." He whispered. "Come for me..."

Q whimpered against James, a breathy cry as he came. He let James's sure fingers stroke him through the orgasm, and curled up content on his shoulder. James was already asleep, and after a moment Gabriel joined him. 

Q awakened to the sensation of his lover nuzzling into him sleepily.  
"Good morning, handsome," he smiled, eyes still closed. "How did you sleep?"  
Tesla chose that moment to drag a steak bone up to James, purring. She nudged at him, proud of her prize.

James opened an eye, glared at the cat then closed it. He pressed his face back into his neck. "Apparently I slept through whatever your cat did downstairs..." He mumbled.

"I'm glad I did as well." Gabriel groaned. "Tesla, naughty girl. James," he nudged at his lover. "Tea."

Bond yawned and staggered to his feet, heading downstairs. It didn't take long until he he was back with the requisite caffeine and sat back into bed

Gabriel curled up against his back. "Can we just stay here today?"

"Drink your tea, princess," he said, handing him the tea and shifting to make him sit up.

"Princess?" Gabriel growled at him in mock horror before glancing at the laptop. "Oh no, Bolivar is on the move. Get M on the phone."

The cup dropped from Bond's hand, coffee going everywhere, all over the carpet. " What?"

"One of his men is carrying out bags, he just got in a car," he was already in Q mode. He slipped on his head set. "R, what have you got for me?"

"Good to hear you, Q. Not much right now. 004 is tailing," R replied, her voice calm.

"What direction is he heading?" Q asked. He was running the facial recognition software on his associates. "I've got positive hits on the driver, and guy who carried the luggage. Both have known ties to Silva. Back seat muscle is an unknown so far."

"We don't know... Hold on..." There was the sound of tapping. "Q, get out of there now! He's on his way there!"

He was already loading his gun. "Alec, Bolivar is on his way. Get us out." He grabbed Tesla and stuffed her and the laptop in his bag. "James, GO. NOW."

James was already throwing on clothes, sliding the holster on. The collar had come off the night before and was looped around his wrist. "Q, go," he said, very calm, very professional.

Q slid on a bulletproof vest and helmet. "OK, let's go. Eve, where is backup at ?"

Leaning forwards, James tugged the headset off and dropped it to the floor. "Forget it, Q," he snapped. "We need to go. Now." 

Q took in the panicked tone of James's voice and bolted for the car in the garage. He tossed James the keys and put back on the headset to tell Eve and Alec their direction.

"Q, Chuck the headset out the headset out the window," snapped James. "There's no way they should have found us, they're either tracing that or there's a second traitor," The agent snarled.

"Shit," Gabriel threw it out the window. "Best guesses, I need R protected. Back to MI6? Should keep us the safest right now."

Bond moved the car with ease as they manoeuvred through crowd with the easy grace that said he had done this before. "Q, get low in the car..."

Q rolled into a ball and hit the car floor, Tesla in his bag tucked in with him. If Bolivar and his men could find an MI6 safe house, would MI6 itself be any safer?

"Gabriel..." One hand stretched down for his. "It's going to be okay... I promise..."

"I-I hope so," Gabriel had been around too long to take anything for granted. "Just make sure Tesla is safe, if you can't get me."

The window in front of Bond exploded in a hail of glass and bullets. He sunk into the chair, getting lower.

Q was proud that he didn't scream. But he could taste blood from biting his tongue as the car spun into a skid.

James frowned as the car careened out of control, and his knuckles were white on the wheel. His frown said, at most, it was inconvenient. He huffed as he was forced to swerve. It was all too easy.

Q wanted to call in and have someone waiting at the gate, but now he was afraid that his phone was bugged. He grabbed James's phone on the seat and dialed Eve.

"Almost home love, my hands are full of groceries, can you and Alec come open the door? I need extra hands, the bags are heavy." He hoped she got the message.

"We'll meet you at home, I need to grab Alec on route," she replied and set the phone down.

"Ok, they're meeting us at Six, take the long route if you can," Gabriel took a deep breath and held Tesla close.

"Can't have five minutes to recover," Bond muttered under his breath. "You ok-" a car ploughed into his side, knocking them into oncoming traffic. The car was pummelled as they were it again and he heard gun shots. They were grounded on something, unable to get the car free.

"I'm ok," Q tried to stay calm for Bond. "Just do what you do best. Get us to Six then, they won't allow a shootout at the gates." He dialed the phone. "M I have an emergency," he rattled off their location. "We are stuck and can't move, and they have guns."

Bond hissed in something that was irritation. Not much more. "Brace yourself," he warned as the car ran into them again, but the motion freed them. The car speed forwards, suddenly free.

Gabriel stayed in the tight ball, Tesla pressed against him. "Thank goodness," he breathed as they broke free. All he wanted was for them to be tucked inside the MI6 basement in safety.

Going at some speed, Bond drove them through the streets of London like a mad man until they crashed through the barriers and into the basement of MI6.

Gabriel almost cried in relief when they were met with an armed guard.   
"I need to get down to Q branch, James, come with me."

James did not answer, but fell into step beside him as the agent escorted the man down to Q branch, seeming better than he had done in the last week or so. Adrenaline and being able to do something.   
"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good," Gabriel finally let out his breath. "Glad to be back somewhere really safe. Eve!" He flung himself into her arms as she came running.

"Are you okay?" Eve asked him as Alec strode past to greet James. "How the hell did he find you?"

James shook his head.

"I don't know..." he said softly. I wish I did."

"Is R ok?" Q was worried. "We might have a leak, and I'm nervous. I don't know who it could be."

"She is fine," Alec said, and gestured them all through to Q's office. "Come on, I will get drinks in... Coffee only," Alec added, noticing James's hopeful face. "Unless your _master_ says you can," he glanced at Q and had the pleasure of seeing James Bond blush. It had been worth the wait.

"None of that, Alec," Gabriel scolded. "Not something to make fun of. Coffee will be fine. And will you ask R to come in here please?" He leaned over and kissed James's cheek. "I'll make it up to you later, love."

"He's teasing," James said and punched Alec in the arm. It was a brotherly gesture, but Alec winced at the blow. James had gotten him back.

Gabriel rolled his eyes at the two. "R, I need you to see if you can trace who was hacking into my headset and conversations."

"What?" Alec asked, looking like a child scorned as Q rolled his eyes at him. "He started it!" James winked at Q... and swung a leg into the back of Alec's. Alec crumpled and Bond let out a triumphant "Yeah!"

"Already got it, Q," R motioned to his computer. "Report is in your email. It was a program run from a burner phone, but I think we can assume Bolivar was behind it."

"Oh my god," Q sighed. "Eve, what do I do with them? Bolivar isn't far behind us."

Eve glared at them both... Children. And then smirked when the boys were not looking. They were now wrestling like kids. "Let them have a moment of fun..." She said softly.

Q nodded in agreement. "I haven't seen him smile in a long time. I'm just worried about Alec hurting him. He isn't exactly in top condition yet."

Eve smiled a little and lead him to the computer. "Sit down... do your job, Q... I'll keep an eye on them..." she said and left him in his office. After a while, Bond drifted in and sat on the floor beside him, tilting his head to rest on Q's thigh. It was an affectionate gesture, seeking comfort and contact. He wanted his Master’s touch... not sexual, just comfort.

Q smiled down at him.  
"All happy now that you've burned off the testosterone with Alec?" He brushed his fingers through Bond's hair. "Anything you need, love?" Tesla ran out from under Q's desk to sit on James's lap.

"I am alright," he said softly, and turned so his chin was resting on his leg. "And yes... I just need to be close."

"Any time you need it," Q bent and kissed his forehead. "I like seeing you smile again. I can't wait until this is over. I'm looking forward to being able to go home to our own place and be safe."

"It will be over soon, Sir..." He said softly. "Just... Give it time..."

"I know, I just worry," Q slid to the floor next to his agent with a sigh. "Love you, I'm glad you're with me. I don't think I could handle this alone."

"You could..." Bond kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Just... Keep loving me..."

"I won't ever stop," Q promised. He leaned his head on the agent's shoulder and sighed. "I hope you don't doubt that."

Bond touched his hair, light as a feather. " One day... I am going to dominate you and take you apart ever so slowly and sweetly and show you how much I care.. "

Q moaned softly. "I'd..." he shivered. "I'd like that a lot."


	16. Chapter 16

Bond smiled a little, tugging him closer to press a kiss to his lips. "Good. Now do some work... Mind if I stay close?"

"That would be best," and there's that smile of Q's that lights up his green eyes. "You aren't to be out of my sight until Bolivar is dead."

James shifted the cat on his lap and shifted the ginger fluff ball so he could relax against the chair, head turned to watching Q. It was a easy submission, just to be close. Not kneeling, but as good as. 

Q turned back to the computer, and checked several windows before turning back to his lover. "That can run on its own for awhile, and I need tea. Want to come break into my secret stash in my office ?"

"Secret stash?" He asked with clear curiosity.

"Yes, the loose leaf tea," Q nodded. "And I think there might be a stash of biscuits as well."

He sat up and nuzzled his neck lightly. "Mmm... That sounds good..." He breathed.

"And we can close the door..." Q's voice trailed off as James captured his mouth.

Bond moaned into his mouth, stretching up to meet it with greed. It was a craving that he had, always for more.

Q pulled them both up, kitten in one hand, and walked backward to his office. He never broke the lock of their lips, just shoved the door shut behind James once they were inside. He put Tesla down and started unbuttoning his shirt, pulling James towards the couch with him.

James growled against his mouth and shrugged out of the shirt, pulling up up over his head as he went, dropping it on the floor.

"Please," Q kicked off his shoes and got his pants undone. "Want you."

"Lube?" He growled and suddenly bodily picked Q up and hauled him over to the desk. With a sweep of his hands, he scattered the papers across the floor as he set Q down.

"Top drawer," Q gasped. "Left. Please. Hurry."

Bond paused, just for effect... And to tease him. "You keep lube at work?"

"You work with me," Q laughed weakly. "I figured this would happen eventually. Secret stash, remember?"

"I'm going to fuck you over this desk," he growled as he pushed him down and kissed his shoulder, licking down his spine.

Q groaned into his arm, pushing back against James's insistent mouth. "Want you inside me," he reached back and pulled James's hair with a fist.

James twisted out of the grip and moved down, hands going to his hips and then his ass, spreading it gently as he lowered his mouth and began to lick him open with slow tortuous licks. Bent over his desk, James very slowly, very carefully, licked Gabriel open, teasing the muscle until he was relaxed

His body couldn't decide, whether to push back towards James, or away from the slow torture. But James's hands steadying him didn't allow him to pull away. Q's legs barely held him, trembling against the onslaught of James's tongue. He couldn't tell if he was actually managing words, or just moaning, pleading for more.

"More?" James swept a tongue up his spine. "Tell me what you want, Gabriel..." He purred in his ear.

"I want you to fuck me," he begged. "Please, I need you inside me."

James hummed a leisurely sound and slowly, painfully slowly, pushed into his young lover. It was a slow, easy movement into him

Gabriel reached back and laced their fingers together, pulling Bond up against his sweaty skin.

Bond leant over him as he rocked into his younger lover, kissing his shoulders and neck as his shoulders and neck as he went. "I love you..." He whispered into his ear over and over again.

"Love... you..." Q's back was arched, pressed into James. He wanted every inch of their skin touching, but it was a relief to have this much. More than he ever thought he could have.

With slow, lazy movements, Bond took him over his desk, slowly fucking him until he could not go slow and he started to make faster movements, desperate in that race to orgasm.

"You feel so good," Gabriel pressed back into him. "Don't let me go, please." He ground back against James, trying to find some relief.

Bond bit down on his shoulder, hard, and licked the bruise that would form. He nosed his shoulder gently. “One day, I will let you have me over your desk, just like this…” he whispered in his ear, creating the images in Gabriel’s mind. 

Gabriel moaned, the pain crystallizing his vision. James hit his prostate and he jerked under him, clenching around him as his pleasure caught him.

James felt the contraction and he had to bite down again onto his shoulder, bruising his skin and almost drawing blood as he came, jerking and twitching. 

"Don't let me go," Gabriel begged. He held James's arms wrapped around him.

James held him tightly as they both came down from orgasm until James had to pull away and look down at him. "I’ve bruised you..." he commented softly 

"I like it, sometimes," he was still breathing heavily. "Gets me out of my head."

The slightly vacant sounds in his voice worried Bond a little, so he carefully scooped him up into his arms so they could flop into the sofa together. "You've never bruised me..." He whispered.

"It's not what you need," Gabriel felt distracted. He should have been tired and calm, but the constant worrying was running him tagged.

"What do you need?" He asked as he held Q against his chest, stroking his hair lightly.

"I don't know," he whispered from where he was curled against James. "I'm tired of being scared. Hold me, please?'

Bond curled around him, holding him to his chest as he rocked him gently. Not speaking... just being there. 

"I love you," Q sighed gratefully. "I'm ready for all this to be over. Is it bad that I want the missions to end with the debriefing and not show up on our doorstep?"

"I'm still over the moon that I have a doorstep to go back too..." He shuddered suddenly, lips parting in a slight increase in breath. "I... Need to go back in there..." He said slowly.

"Ok," Gabriel nodded. "I know the feeling. Its like our safe space has been violated, as well as us. And then we aren't safe anywhere. Do you want to go now, or wait until they capture Bolivar?"

"Not...right now..." He said and glanced at his watch. "We have something to do in half an hour... so get dressed?"

"What do we have to do?" Gabriel sighed and reached for his clothes. "Thank you for holding me."

Bond smiled a little. " We have a viewing..."

"A viewing?" Gabriel's eyes got wide. "Really? Tell me about about."

"An apartment that is close enough to here that you will no longer have to get the tube," he replied with a smile. "Within walking distance."

"Oh!" He smiled at James. "That's wonderful. Will it give us enough space that you won't feel cramped?"

Bond smirked a little, his grin a savage one as he finished dressing. "Come on, dear. Are you ready to go?" He was now, dressed and looking impeccable.

"Yes, I think so," Gabriel finished tying his shoes. "So, we can just walk there?"

He offered him his hand. "Come on, babe. Let's give them something to discuss. I'll buy you lunch after," he said he added.

"Ok, who is going with us?" He asked, taking James's hand.

"No one, but it's being watched. The estate agent is meeting us there. Are you ready?"

"Yes," Gabriel smiled. "I can't wait to see it. I'm really excited."

After a slow walk there, they came to a new apartment block that had risen, as Bond had promised, no more than twenty minutes walk away from the headquarters. They were met outside by a preppy blonde estate agent in a lurid suit who lead them up.

"This is lovely," Gabriel whispered in Bond's ear. "Is there a place for you to park as well?" He walked into the living room, warm in the sunlight. The wood floors were polished to a honey shine, and the windows let in the afternoon sun.

Bond nodded a little. "So do you like it?" He whispered in his ear.

"Its gorgeous, could we really live here?" He looked at James, eyes wide with delight. "I don't want you to feel like we have to take the first one we see."

He looked at the estate agent, and she piped up and announced that she would wait outside for them. Bond turned to him and put his hands on his upper arms. “Gabriel… if you want this place, it's ours…”

"Yes?" Gabriel asked hesitantly. He leaned his head against James. "I love it, but I don't want to get it if you aren't comfortable here. But I think it would suit us. And I don't even want to go back to pack, let alone live in the old place."

"I can't go back there... I need to... But..." James shuddered visibly. This would be something he had to do alone. "I really like it. It's modern and comfortable... You bring the personality and the cat, we could make it a home..."

"I know, I have to as well," Gabriel shivered. "Part of me wants to have Eve pack for me. But if I don't face it, it will always haunt me."

He slipped his hand into his young lovers as he nodded. If there was one thing that he could understand, that was it. "I..." He swallowed. "I think I need to talk to someone about it... someone..." He huffed. "I think I need to talk to Psych..."

"Ok, I probably should as well," Gabriel admitted. "The more I try to ignore it, the worse it gets. I'm having panic attacks awake, asleep, all the time. I don't know how much longer I can keep it together."

Bond stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him. Slowly he nuzzled at his throat. “We shall do this together…” he whispered. "In our new home."

Gabriel nodded, sagging in Bond's arms in relief. "Can we go tell her we will take it?"

"You sure? This is the first one we have looked at, babe... There may be better ones that I have missed..." he warned.

"Please?" Gabriel had no idea what the look on his face did to James. "I don't want anything else. As long as we can afford it?"

Bond snorted. "What I make on danger bonuses, we could probably afford Buckingham Palace," he said mildly, voice warm.

"I love it James, I want us to live here," Gabriel's smile was bright, a bit of sunshine after the rain of the past.

James nodded, grinning, and together, they left the apartment to go and tell the woman that they would take it.

Gabriel felt like maybe things would finally get better, that their long string of chaos would finally be broken and they would get some peace. He couldn't wait to start planning how to arrange the place, and what to do with the garden. And he wouldn't be doing it alone.

His step was much lighter on the walk back.. One more hurdle, and they could make their new home.

"You seem brighter," commented Bond as they stopped at a little Moroccan place, ordering lunch and then sitting on the banks of the Thames.

"I feel like I can breathe again," Gabriel admitted. "Like maybe there's some hope that things will be normal again sometime, or as normal as they ever are for us."

"We will find normal, baby," Bond said quietly as he stirred the wonderful thick sauce. "We will find normal and eventually, we will find peaceful... I promise you..."

"I know," Gabriel laid his head on Bond's shoulder. "I just get worn out. Can you imagine, our own flat? I didn't think that I would ever have a cat, let alone a lover. Its more than I thought I would ever have again."

"Its more then I realised I ever wanted," his voice dropped and when he looked at Gabriel, his eyes were vacant, tremulous yet peaceful. "I found that having someone who cares makes life worth living..."

"I know, me either," Gabriel's eyes were shiny. "I had just given up, and then... well I wasn't trying to find someone, and you were there in front of me the whole time. I just had to open my eyes and realize." He looked up at James from the grass, sprawled across his lap. 

"Six months ago, I would have laughed in your face..." He rested his head back on the grass, looking up at the sun. "But... Sometimes change is forced on us. Im never going to be easy..."

"If you were, we wouldn't be here," Gabriel replied. "You would be bored if I was easy, and I wouldn't know what to do with you if you were. We fit. I still laugh sometimes though," he admitted. "It so absolutely unbelievable I want to pinch myself, but then I'm afraid I will wake up. It being hard makes it worthwhile, or else we would be bored."

Bond relaxed into the grass and then shifted to rest his head in Q's lap and sighed softly. "That..." He said softly, "is very wise..." 

"I don't know about wise," Q smiled down at him and carded his fingers through Bond's hair. "But its what I have learned by experience. Do you have any ideas how we can get Bolivar, so we can move on?"

"I can't... Not until I can go back to your apartment..." He said softly, looking down, gaze downcast and then back up at Q. "Do you blame me?" He asked softly.

"Not at all," Gabriel admitted. "Just tell me what we need to do, and we will do it together, when you are ready."

"Honestly?" He said gently. "I don't know... I feel like I've... Lost a sense of myself. I don't know who I am any more... It's quite scary, if I'm honest..."

"It will pass, the numbness," Gabriel reached for Bond and pulled him into his arms. "It will fade and hurt, and then you will wish for it again. But it's part of coping, and healing. You can only handle so much at once."

"Am I handling any of it?" He asked thoughtfully and sat up. "I don't know, I feel like drowning... Like I'm treading water and unable to surface..." He shook his head and looked sad. " I'm trying...'

"It feels like barely surviving," Gabriel nodded. "Sometimes its minute by minute, sometimes there are good days. You just take it as it comes. We can go talk to psych when we get back. Do you want me to go with you?"

Bond shrugged. His walls were inadvertently rising again, denial over what was happening, where his mind was. 

"Hey," Gabriel's voice was a bit loud. "Don't get lost on me, you aren't alone anymore."

He jumped. He had not really been aware of where his mind was traveling, down dark and dangerous paths. "Sorry..."

"Its ok, I just don't want you getting lost," he pulled James closer. "You had that look, like you were going to panic and run."

James pressed into him, and nuzzled. He had a need... "Can we find a hotel? I need..." He sighed and the tops of his ears went red, "I need you to make me forget everything but you..."

"We can," Gabriel nodded. "My things are in the office though. Do you want me to have Eve drop them off, or just kneel for me?"

"I don't know..." It was an honest response. "Maybe after work..."

"Ok, you don't want to go back to MI6?" Gabriel asked. "I'm just trying to figure out what you need," he added, at James's blank look.

James gave him a half smile. "I haven't got a clue how to help you figure it out," his fingers were shaking. "It's... Restless energy... Adrenaline and anxiety... And too many thoughts..."

"Ok then, let's go find somewhere," Q nodded. He walked them down a small side street, to a tiny bed and breakfast. He got them the key to a room, and all the while James followed, far too quiet and docile for comfort.

It was a different energy to the frantic sex over Q's desk... Something slower, hotter. Bond checked the room quickly for bugs and cameras and closed the curtains.

"Ok, kneel," Gabriel shrugged off his cardigan and stripped to his undershirt and trousers. He reached down and petted James's hair, smoothing the lines from his forehead with a gentle finger.

James sank gratefully to the floor as if he could not stand for a moment longer. Eyes closed, he leaned into his hand.

"Shhh, I'm here, love," Gabriel knelt in front of him and unbuttoned the clothes. He laid a hand on James's chest, over his pounding heart. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"That I don't deserve you, sir," Bond replied, barely moving, his eyes following the fingers.


	17. Chapter 17

"I love you, sweetheart," Q leaned in and kissed him. "Close your eyes for, and let me take care of you." He reached to massage the knots out of Bond's neck, and run his hands down the agent's clammy skin. "Stay with me now, you deserve every bit of love I give you."

Bond moaned into his touch and turned his face away from his young lovers, keeping his eyes closed. He needed this... Needed to be dragged into the moment.

Gabriel bent down to nip at the skin on James's collarbone with his teeth, that bit of pain sometimes grounded him better than words. He soothed it with the flat of his tongue, but kept sucking. He tangled a hand in James's hair and dragged his head closer, baring James's neck for his mouth.

He let out a breathy gasp as his head was jerked sideways and the pain seared through the cold. "Yesssss..." He hissed into the touch. Q had him.

"Can you touch me, love?" Q begged softly. "I won't stop," he bit at James's neck. "But I'm so hard, I want you. Want to take you."

His breath caught and his heart began to thunder. "Yes..." He breathed. Blood was thick and hot in his veins and he was falling, so hard. He needed this, needed the burn.

Q kept his hands gentle, but the nipping of his teeth just firm enough to keep James grounded. He could feel the fire in his belly, and knew that James was feeling it to. He was panting against Q, and it only took a few strokes to have him hard as well. Q knew that after the assault, it wasn't about the physical sex turning James on, it was that James felt safe enough to get turned on.

James felt a stillness starting to move through him, a sense of calm that seemed quite... Foreign. New. He did not know if he liked the feel of it, but he melted against Q, exhaling deeply

"So beautiful for me," Q wanted to devour him. He ran his hands down James's stomach. "Can you lay back for me, love?"

"Bed or floor, sir?" He asked softly, blinking slowly as he tried to remember where be was... And then decided that he did not care. Gabriel would be his guide

"Bed, no reason to lay on the hard floor," Gabriel guided him with a gentle hand. He bent down to kiss Bond's forehead, a soothing caress. "I have you pet, just follow my hands."

He let him guide him, aware that it was the most he had been exposed since Bolivar... He pushed that thought away. This was okay... This was safe.

Gabriel kept his hand slow, gentle kisses to James's thighs and knees. He was careful to exaggerate his movements so the agent didn't panic. He laid between Bond's thighs to nuzzle at him, kiss down his cock.

Bond groaned loudly and shuddered, holding the bed. His head strained up to watch Q. He kept very still.

"Relax pet, I have you," Q took him in his mouth, tugging at him with a swallow. He guided James's hands to his hair so he had something to feel in control. The agent tugged at him gently, secure that he was in safe hands.

Bond twisted his fingers into the soft hair and his eyes closed in a long, breathless sigh. Fingers stroked and petted Q's hair ever so lightly.

Q kept the pressure steady, and did what he tricks he knew turned on his lover. A gentle swipe of tongue around the crown, and a squeeze to his thighs with Q's hands. A dip of tongue to taste him, and another swallow that pulled the breathe from James's chest.

A breathless curse left the agent's mouth as he watched his lover go down on him, and his body respond eagerly. He watched with dark, hooded eyes, licking his lips... And he groaned.

Q licked at him like he was a cat lapping at cream, sighing with contentment. He wanted James to feel the affection in the brush of his skin, the press against his body. More than anything, he wanted James to feel loved, and whole.

It was a fantastic sight, seeing Q exploring him, he watched with fascination. "Q...Fuck... Not gonna last..."

Q hummed in agreement around James, running his fingers up the agent's muscled sides. He groaned and rutted against Bond's leg, a touch of his own wet cock tacit permission to tease out James's orgasm. He made sure to keep their eyes locked, sending as much warmth and love as he could.

The orgasm started slow, something warm and rolling that built up into pleasure that crashed through him. He roared, arching and pulled at his hair.

Q swallowed with a smile against James's skin. He could feel the relief in the way his lover sagged back against the bed. He crawled up and took James's face in his hands to kiss him softly, a bump of noses.

After a moment, Bond kissed back. "Take me..." He said after a moment. There was something... Final about the way he said it.

"I already have you, love," Q kissed him again, and reached for the lube. "I'm not going to let you go," he slicked himself up and kept one hand wrapped through Bond's as he slid into him, ever so slowly, ready to stop if he needed it. "You're mine, I'm not going anywhere," he sank in to the hilt and stayed there, watching the warring emotions flash across James's eyes and a war it was. Anger and trust, hurt and love stormed through him and eventually, all he could do was press into Gabriel, clutching him tightly.

"I have you," Gabriel repeated, forehead pressed against James's. He held him as tightly as he could, as if James would shatter if he loosened his arms.

It hurt, or seemed to. He knew realistically that it didn't, that his mind was rebelling against his body, fighting the sensations, waiting for the attack which seemed inevitable.

"Open your eyes for me," Gabriel's grip didn't loosen at all. He didn't pull out of James's body, just rocked gently into him. He knew his lover was already sensitive from the first orgasm, and his own wasn't a priority. But being this close was soothing for both of them.

Bond shook his head violently. "I'll cry if I do..." He whispered... he was tired of hurting.

"Look at me," Gabriel insisted, wanting James to see the tears threatening to overflow from his own eyes. "I know it hurts, and I wish I could make it better faster. But all I can do is love you." And that was all it took, for the tears to slide down his cheeks.

Bond opened how eyes and instantly they started to swell with tears that were trapped. He blinked, completely dazed by Gabriel's love for him.

"We aren't alone anymore, I promise," Gabriel held on to him.

Bond groaned and a spark of pleasure moved through him. He rolled back into it, hips pushing back.

"You're so lovely," Q gasped, moving against him with affection. "I'm never going to let you go."

Bond shook, clawing him hard enough to draw blood before turning to kiss him, hard, needing to lose himself in that touch.

Gabriel enveloped him in his arms, and put his ear against Bond's heart beat. His own pleasure was secondary, but flared again with James so desperately clawing at him.  
"I'm close," he warned, gripping at Bond's wrists.

The agent was moving now, rocking gently into his motions. His eyes closed, his lips parted. "Gabriel..." ,

"Yes, baby?" Gabriel was dripping sweat, trying to hold himself back.

Bond knew that he would not be able to come. He knew that it was an impossibility for him... Even so, he tried to relax for Gabriel. "Come for me..."

"Are you sure?" Gabriel asked, continuing to rock gently inside his lover. "I can wait."

James laughed, a tortured, pained sound and nodded slowly. "I'm sure... Do it..."

Gabriel sighed, a broken sound, and came and he shuddered, losing himself in the man that he loved. "So good," he kissed Bond's face breathlessly.

Bond pulled away and twisted to press his face into Q's chest.

He held on to him, clutching him tight. He let his breath go back to normal gradually as he kissed James's sweaty forehead.

James didn't respond, holding him tightly. He was shaking, cold... Urgh, he recognised this. "Q... Tea?"

Q reached for the phone and asked for a pot of tea and something sweet to be sent up.  
"Do you want a warm bath love?" He pulled James on to his lap and held him tight. "My beautiful pet."

"Just hold me, Sir," he said softly, shivering. Sub drop was a pain, especially when he was already in emotional turmoil.

Q held him tightly, a reassuring kiss to his temple occasionally. When room service arrived, he called for them to leave the tea outside. He wrapped James up before going for the tray, and fed him a cup of tea, sweetened, and bits of scones from his fingers.

The drop subsided although he was quiet and eventually he dozed off into a restless sleep.

Q let his lover sleep, curled up around him. He finished a book on his phone, and checked in with Eve and R to let them know where they were. He requested some backup for the lobby, and fell asleep next to James by the time the sun went down.

When Q awoke, he would find a note on the pillow beside him.  
 _Gone running. Call Alec to pick you up, I'll meet you back at Eve's. Everything is paid for, just hand them the keys. ILY._

Q worried, of course he did. A million scenarios ran through his head. But he reminded himself that his partner had been protecting himself for years, and would return to the field soon.  
He texted Alec, and folded up the note and slipped it in his wallet with a smile.

Loyal as ever, Alec came at Q's call. "What's up, Q?" He asked as he sauntered in.

"I need to pick up my things at six, and a ride back to Eve's," he yawned. "And lots of coffee. It's a coffee day. I will buy you breakfast."

Alec snorted and they went out to the sleek car that was waiting for them. “Where’s Bond? You two had a fight again?” Alec was an ass, and he privately agreed that James probably needed a good fuck, but he was being nice… for James.

"He went running, and I'm trying not to worry," Q ran his fingers through his hair and checked his phone. Again.

“He will be fine. He has seemed better the last few days. Things are looking up for you two? He looked a little more like himself last time I saw him… I am going to take him drinking with some of the agent, if he is up to it.”

"He seems better," Q agreed cautiously. "You will have to ask him what he feels like doing. I try to take it day by day."

“Take it day by day,” he nodded slowly. “I can do that, I suppose… I guess you can't just forget some things… I know he dreams about Le Chriifre…”

"I wish that was all he dreamed about," Q frowned. "Maybe sometime out with you all would give him a chance to vent. I know he tries to protect me."

"We all dream, Q," Alec said gently as they drove to head quarters. "Perhaps you should come out with us."

"Oh! I thought you wanted James to yourself," he looked down. "That would be lovely. I usually only get to interact over the comms."

"We can get pretty wild on the crawls - I will never forget 002 and Bond doing the bump and grind, both in leather trousers and not much else."

"I would have paid to see that," Q laughed. "I can't drink much with my panic attacks. But I like to go dance."

"So would every woman in London. You should ask of if he has the trousers still..." He gave Q an oddly curious look. " They might be good for... Well... What you two... Do..."  
Alec was trying hard.

"Thanks, maybe I will," Q grinned. "Thanks Alec, for trying. I don't want James to feel like he has to pick between us. This is still very new. And its my first relationship after Silva. I'm so afraid of losing him, you have no idea."

"Why did you want to submit? If you don't mind me asking all these really annoying questions?" He grinned a little. "See, I'm trying to understand!"

"With Silva?" Q shuddered. "I thought that I could get out of my head. Get away from the homophobia and things that frightened me. But he wasn't a Dom, he was abusive. There's a big difference. That's not how I am with James," he turned serious. "I want you to know that Alec, I would never treat him like that. What James and I do, even if you don't understand it, is entirely consensual."

"Try to think of it this way, Alec," Q said thoughtfully. "Think about coming home after a mission, to someone who could turn off your overworked mind, and protect you physically. And that person wanted nothing more than to take care of you."

“I can get that, yeah,” Alec had never had a serious relationship, but those who he had regular contact with where women who knew damn well how to protect themselves and the rough and tumble sex was what he got from it. “What I don’t get is why the collars and whips and kneeling and shit.”

"The kneeling?" Q smiled. "Because it feels right. Someone else is in charge, they are going to figure it out. And you are so safe, you can be at your most vulnerable, and feel protected. The whip? Sometimes the line between pain and pleasure is small. It's like rough sex, but this is a controlled amount of pain from someone you trust to know your limit. And the collar? Have you read what it says?"

“Do you know James’s limits?” Of all people in the world, Alec had the right to ask. He had seen Bond fall, get back up and fall again. It terrified him, how far Bond had fallen… and he would kill Gabriel if he abused it. “Property of Q – If found, return to Q branch – which is somewhat demeaning, if you ask me,” however, nobody was. He still had his opinions. 

"Yes, I know his limits," Q nodded. "At any time if they change and he needs something different, he can always say. He has the option to use his safe word at any time. And we talk about what we are going to do before we do it, I ask what he needs. It isn't meant to be demeaning, it's meant to remind him that he has a safe place to come back to, and someone that cares that he comes back unharmed."

Alec nodded slowly as they walked to Q branch together. "I've never seen him like he is with you... And I don't need to warn you that if you put a toe out if line, I will kill you," he grinned. "It's a given."

"If I hurt him, I wouldn't be able to live with myself, Alec,"" Q said with a shiver. "I've been on the receiving end of being abused, and it's absolutely terrifying. What is different about how he is with me?"

"He looks alive... Despite what happened, he has a... Vibrancy that wasn't there before..."

Q smiled softly. "I'm glad. I hope it gives him some sense of security, that I'm here whatever happens, and whatever he needs."

"And I suppose someone needs to give him a sore ass when he is being particularly stubborn... You two should go away for a while after all this, because I know what he will do - he will probably attempt to run when Bolivar is dead," he paused. "I know someone with a log ski cabin in the alps. It can only be reached by ski and is likely to be cold... But you would be alone to take him completely in hand."

"Thank you Alec," Q nodded. "Good to know that he will run. I will ask if he would feel safe doing something like that. I try to check and make sure with him about new things. And right now the last thing I want is for him to panic and feel like I have him trapped."

Alec nodded and shrugged. "He may not... But I know what I would do, if I was him. Where the bloody hell is he, anyway? He said he would join us for breakfast."

Q felt that cold shiver of fear down his back.

"Call him, yeah?"

He did so, Bond’s number in speed dial. It went to voice mail.

“What the hell? He never has his phone off!”


	18. Chapter 18

"Get me my laptop, let's see if I can trace the signal," Q tried to stay calm.

Alec complied and took them down to Q branch, although there was nothing that came from Bond’s phone, no sign of the man.

"R, get me CCTV footage starting back at the hotel," Q called to his second in command. "Eve, can you check with the guards at the hotel and see if they saw anything. Alec, can you get Tanner and Mallory down here please? We are going to need all hands on deck and assume the worst."

Everyone scrambled to his orders, pulling up CCTV. Finding Bond leaving the hotel was easy... He came out, stretched and then started to run. He looked alive and vibrant and then there was a blind spot in CCTV coverage. The man ran in... Didn't run out.

"I need an extraction team to these coordinates!" Q was still yelling. "R, let Mallory know what's going on. Alec, can you lead?"

Alec pointed at Q and then turned to R. "Keep him here, stay on comm's... And don't panic," Alec stalked out and patched through when he was in the area.

Q was gripping the edge of the desk until his knuckles turned white.

"What do you see, Alec? What do you need?"

"Busy London street..." He vanished from one screen and ten paces later into another

"Any sign of a struggle?" Q was matching the frames with Alec's current location. "There, stop. That's where we lost him."

"There's..." He paced the area back and fourth. "There’s nothing... Only..." He crouched and picked something up.

"What is it?" Q zoomed in on the film footage.

"There's a few strands of hair... Could be his..." Alec said worried.

"Is that... blood?" Q zoomed in the camera. 

"Yes. Get a forensic team out here," he ordered and he seemed deadly calm... Which was when the 00s were at their most dangerous. 

"On their way," Q's voice got soft. He was gritting his teeth, and hoping he was wrong. "Goddammit Alec, I shouldn't have left him alone."

"He went for a run, Q," Alec said. "If you caged him in, then he would have left. Eve said he looked happy when he left the hotel... What did you do?"

"To make him happy?" Q asked. "We... we did some things together, and he slept next to me. He left me a note when he woke up."

"You did things... I don't want to know..." He paused for a moment. " You think Bolivar?"

"Who else would it be?" Q sighed. "But then who knows. You were there the last times MI6 had issues with him, what's his MO?"

"Blackmail is always one of his favorites... A good old fashioned psychopath, which means that you're going home with Eve tonight, Q. I don't want you running off on a hair brained rescue.

"Not a chance I would be alone," Q frowned. "She has Tesla anyway. Fuck Alec, what can I do to help?"

" Want an honest answer? Stay out of our way," he said and cut comms as the forensics arrived.

Three days later, there was no sign of Bond or Bolivar. Neither had gone through the air ports or the official ways of leaving the country, the bolt hole that he was holed up in was empty... But still nothing.

"Anything?" Eve asked as she set down a mug beside Q. "You must try and sleep..."

"I'm so scared Eve," Q was struggling to focus his eyes on the screen. "I'm trying to do as Alec asked, but I feel so useless. There must be something that I am missing."

"Until Bolivar makes his demands, there is nothing any of us can do," Eve said as she peeled one hand free and set it in his hand, taking the laptop from his lap and replacing it with a kitten.

"Hi baby girl," Q buried his face in her fur. "I think she's gotten bigger since I last paid attention. Why would they kidnap him, and not make any demands? And what are they doing to him Eve? He was destroyed last time."

"Who knows, Q," she said gently. "We can only prepare for the worst and hope for the best," she said, stroking the kitten.

Q laid his head against Eve's. "I feel so helpless. I literally have nothing to work with. Nothing on the facial recognition software, forensics hasn't called, and Alec is getting nervous. That can't be good." He fingered the collar around Tesla's neck.

"I know," Eve cooed. "I know... We will find him..."

"He knows, Eve, right?" Q asked tearfully. "He knows that I love him and would do anything to bring him home."

Eve didn't answer, but wrapped him in a tight hug, pulling him against his chest.

"I'm scared he will forget, and give up," Q admitted.

"He won't... I bet even now, he is fighting to come back to you... You will see..." She said firmly.

Q nodded, and squared his shoulders. "I'm going to review the footage again. Maybe I am missing something. As long as he is still out there, I'm not giving up."

"Gabriel," Eve said gently, putting her hand over his. "Sleep first…”

"I can't," he shuddered. "All I see is him lying there..."

"When was the last time that you slept?" She asked in a worried voice.

"I... I dozed off yesterday," he admitted. 

"And he came awake, screaming about how there was too much blood," Alec put an arm around him as he walked in. "I'm sorry boffin, I'm beat as well. I think its time we go down to medical and get something that will keep away the nightmares for a few hours. I'm starting to feel sick I'm so tired."

Eve nodded sagely. "Both of you go down to medical. I'll have them put a private room for you both."

Q wanted to protest, but he was so tired he needed to hold on to Alec to walk. He couldn't remember the last thing he had eaten.

"We will find him," Alec said firmly to Q and stopped as they were being approached by Tanner. "Both of you are needed in M's office right away."

Q wasn't surprised. Of course. His blood ran cold and his stomach hurt suddenly.

They approached, silent and brooding and were shown in and sat before M.

Q tried to stop his hands from trembling by gripping the chair arms. He could feel the cold sweat dripping down his back.

Mallory looked calmly at them both and handed a small box that was done up like a birthday present. He handed it to Alec who peeked in, blanched and looked at Q for a moment. "It's his?"

"What?" Q reached for it, his hand shaking. "Alec, what is it?"

He handed it to Q. The label hung down and had the word Gabriel on it. Inside was the last joint of a little finger.

Q turned white as a sheet and gripped Alec's hand. He tried to swallow the horror that was making him want to vomit, and he was glad he hadn't eaten anything.   
"Tell me we got SOME clue from this," He turned to Mallory. "Anything we can use at all."

"This is, at the maximum, four hours old," Mallory said gently, "And he was alive when they cut it off. We are working on that scenario."

"A four hour radius? That's huge!" Q felt so helpless. "Any leads on how it was delivered?"

"Yes, it was left at reception for you, who sent it to security first and it was sent straight to medical, on my orders. We have CCTV on the one who delivered it, we are using the software you made to try and find him."

"If it’s ok, Mallory, I haven't slept in days," he stood. "I'm going to go down to medical and see if they can give me something for the anxiety." He staggered and grabbed the chair, his skin grey.

Alec rose and put an arm around him. “006, stay with Q… I consider you both on leave until we have more news…” For once, Alec did not object, just silently fell into step beside Q as he left.

The doctor in medical gave them each a sleeping pill and anti anxiety pill, and showed them to an empty room. Q was so tired he was staggering, and he held on to Alec.   
"Don't leave me alone, please?" He begged. "And leave on the lights."

"I'll be here..." He said, waving him into the bed as he dropped into the chair. He turned the main light off but left the side one on.

Q dropped off to sleep immediately, but the dreams he had were horrific. Even with the anti anxiety medicine, he ran from Silva and Bolivar, who were taunting him and it was well past midnight when Gabriel would wake to his phone, vibrating cheerfully.

"Hello?" Of course, a blocked number.

"Gabriel!" Bonds voice was laced with pain. "Is that you, baby?" He was strained, slightly slurred.

"Oh my god," Gabriel started sobbing. "Where are you? I was so worried. I've looked everywhere I can think of. I was so tired they finally gave me something to sleep. Tell me what you need."

"Don't do anything he says, I'm at..." There was the sound of shouting, as if someone was yelling at Bond... Then a gunshot.  
"Good evening, Gabriel," Bolivar purred down the line.

"No!" Gabriel was screaming, tears running down his cheeks. He didn't hear Alec move, but suddenly the hands were on his shoulders to steady him. "What do you want? You bastard! Give him back."

"He is alive," Bolvar purred. " He will be returned to MI6. I propose a swap... You for him..."

"Anything," Gabriel nodded. "Just don't hurt him again, please." He turned to Alec. "I have to go."

"Good," Bolivar said brightly. "Your apartment. Midnight. Come alone... Just follow the entrails..." The phone hung up.

Q grabbed a waste pail and promptly threw up, his shoulders shaking. Then he bolted from the room, Alec on his heels.

Alec grabbed him by the shoulders, and spun him. "Q, you cannot go running off on your own. They will kill James."

"They will kill him if I don't!" he whispered. "What other choice do I have? Just, take care of him Alec. I'm sure I won't be back. And tell R to invoke protocol Q."

Alec sighed. "Sorry, Q, I cannot let you go alone. I made a promise. Down to Q branch, we are at least going in with earwigs."

"They will kill him, Alec," Q sobbed. "Why won't you listen?!"

"Because I promised James I would protect you," his hand clamped down on Q’s shoulder and he frog marched him down to Q branch.

"You barely tolerate me," Q sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve. "Bloody hell. I'm still out of it. Can we get caffeine?"

"And can you imagine what a prick he will be if I lose you?" Alec said as he punched the lift down to Q branch.

Q hung his head. "I know. I'm just so scared Alec, I don't know if I could survive losing him."

"And I doubt that he would survive losing you," Alec sat him down and coffee was shoved in his hands as he went to talk to R.

Q sat there and tried to drink the coffee, but his hands were shaking so badly that he had to put down the mug and wait for it to cool. He went and hunted for a granola bar in his desk, since he couldn't remember eating anything since James had disappeared.

"Right," Alec came back with the ear pieces. "You will have a SWAT team, myself and Jim as back up. Once you have Bond, you get down and stay down until we kill the man, okay?"

"Thank you Alec," Q nodded. "I don't know what I was thinking, I couldn't possibly do this by myself. I have my weapon as well, and a taser."

"Don't be afraid to use it, Q. We are shooting to kill," Alec said firmly as he loaded his gun, and slid it into the holster.

"I know," Q nodded. "I still wish Silva would have been my kill shot. This will make two, although I don't think I will be applying to be a 00 anytime soon."

"He works for those who set Silva up, think of it like that?" He suggested as Jim came in, looking grave, as did the swat team.

Q nodded, and cracked his neck. He wasn't looking forward to this, having to control himself when he wanted to tear Bolivar limb from limb. He thought of Z, and decided death was too good for these type of people.

It was Alec and R who gave the briefing. R was running comm's, and so all instructions would go through her. Alec explained the plan. Him and 004 would find there way into Q's apartment block and make there way to his floor and then they would take down Bolivar and get Q and James out.

Q tried to ignore the butterflies in his stomach that made him want to throw up on his shoes. They needed him to do his part, and he took a deep breath. He had to keep his calm, no matter what James looked like.

It was Jim who fell into step beside him. "How are you holding up?" He asked gently.

"I'm a wreck," Q admitted. "And I'm terrified. I don't know what I would do if this doesn't work. He trusts me, and I let him down."

"How have you let him down? You could not have predicted this..." He said gently but firm.

"I feel like I should have known, should have been able to stop him from wandering off alone," Q squared his shoulders. "Can I shoot Bolivar myself?"

"We all know that the more you tighten the noose, the more people struggle. He looked happy when he went for the run. He looked calm and content - you cannot allow yourself to forget that. He loved you."

"I hope he still does," Q set his jaw and re-checked the pistol in his hand. "Because if he doesn't, Bolivar is going to wish he were already dead."

Somehow, when Q said it like that, Jim could almost see himself feeling sorry for Bolivar... Then he remembered the broken Bond and decided against that.

"I'm ready," Q shrugged his shoulders, tense from the lack of sleep. "You and your wife will have to come over for dinner after all of this madness. We just signed papers on a new flat."

"We will have to throw you a house warming party," he said with a slight smile as they went to the cars that were waiting. "Got your ear piece?"

"On," Q nodded. "Locked and loaded." He felt as if he were watching himself from a distance. He didn't recognize the man who was ready to take down Bolivar bare handed to get back his lover. Luckily, he was surrounded by 00 agents and wouldn't need to, but he wanted him home safe.

Jim watched him for a moment and nodded. He could see the best parts of Bond rubbing off on Q, and he had seen Q in James as well. They fitted together. "You've grown up..." He said softly.

"I didn't have a choice," he grimaced. "There are a lot of experiences I would love to erase. And they made me grow up fast. Promise me, whatever happens Jim, don't leave me there alone. Shoot me if you have to, but don't leave me.”

He nodded. "Alec and I will be close. He is going to your neighbours and will be in with them... I'll come in from the top. We will get you both out..."

Q nodded, and got out of the car. Every step felt like he was walking to his execution. Too fast, time sliding out from his grasp like water. And then it was all too slow. James was close, and he couldn't get to him fast enough.


	19. Chapter 19

The car stopped at the front of Q’s building which was… strangely quiet. It wasn’t exactly known for its wild party nights but this was eeree. 

Q cocked the Walther and put it in his cardigan pocket. The bullet proof vest weighed heavy on his chest, but the fear was already making it hard to breathe.  
"Let's get this over with," he took a deep breath, straightened up and marched in.

Bolivar was inside, waiting on Gabrial’s sofa, arms on his lap, save for the gun that was in his hand. “Put your gun down, Gabriel. The building is set to blow, should you run. There is enough C4 in the basement to blow a hole in the world.”

"Where is he?" he demanded. In a moment, he understood why Alec could be so deadly calm. Because sometimes you needed ice in your veins to hold back the rage that boiled below the surface.

He nodded to the bedroom, still smiling. Bond was on the bed. Unconscious, bleeding and drugged... Beaten badly. But alive. Just.

Q stayed where he was. There was a catch to it, he was sure. He could see agents hovering in the windows of the surrounding building, rifles in their hands. But all he wanted was to get his hands on James. After Bolivar was lying dead.

“He is a stubborn bastard,” Bolivar said. “When we are in the car and driving, I will call your employers and they can come and collect him,” he drawled, arrogant.

"That's not how this is going to work," Q threw the Walther at him, and when Bolivar flinched, he hit him with the taser he had been hiding in his sleeve. "James, can you hear me?" he yelled ad threw himself down as there were shots fired at him. 

Suddenly, there was bullets everywhere. Heart in his mouth, he yelled again. 

There was nothing from the beaten, bloody agent next door, although Bolivar was already snarling, reaching in his jacket. There was a an explosion deep below.

Q palmed another gun from the small of his back and rolled to his feet. “This is for Z and James you sick fuck,” the words were spat though shaking lips and he raised the gun and shot Bolivar in the chest. He emptied the clip on the automatic into Bolivar's chest, watching the body twitch with each impact. The last shot went point blank between his eyes.

He turned away, numb and cold and ran for his lover. 

"There are explosives, get us out of here," he yelled over the earwig. With the building trembling, he took matters into his own hands. He knocked the window glass out with the butt of the empty gun, and jumped out the window, dragging James. They landed in rain of glass. 

The pair fell into the bushes and Alec came running over with the medical team to help.

He grunted and hauled James over his shoulder. Fire was ripping through the building now. " Come on..."

Q staggered to his feet and made it to the car just as the building windows exploded outwards with a bang. He rolled into the car and slammed the door, thankful for the shatter resistant glass. James groaned suddenly in the back of the car. 

"Q. In. We are going to medical. Now," Jim ordered. Q nodded, too out of breath to talk, and Jim got behind the wheel. He spun the car down the street, as the building exploded in a fireball.

James didn't move. He could have been dead, if it was not for the ragged breaths. "Check him over, see if you can find injuries..." Jim checked on them in the rear view mirror.

"I don't see anything," Q was starting to panic. "I think it might be his ribs though. He isn't breathing very deep. His finger has been cauterized, so at least its not bleeding or infected."

James twitched and groaned in obvious pain as the car went over bumps, but didn't seem to regain consciousness. They got to medical and Q was lead away to be treated while they got the agent stabilised.

"I'm fine, just give me a splint and some painkillers," Q was frustrated. "I need to be there when he wakes up, he is going to panic."

" He is awake," Alec came in, scowling and sat down. "He doesn't want to see anyone... I got chucked out..."

"I'm scared," Q admitted. "I don't know if that includes me. And I don't know how much worse he can handle, after last time."

Alec blinked at him levelly. "I will save you the worry - it does include you," he said and sat down. "I think he is still hopped up on drugs, which doesn't help.”

Q turned to the doctor. "Can I get something to sleep again? I don't think I feel up to handling this right now. And I need to see psych when I wake up."

...

It was two weeks before James accepted any visitors and those where reluctantly. The mess in the bed, barely looked like a man, let alone James Bond. He was a mass of swelling and broken bones, barely able to move. It was horrific injuries. He looked away as Q came in, brace finally off his arm.

Q laid Tesla down on the bed, and she pawed at the blankets anxiously.  
"I just wanted you to know I've been here," Q said softly. "I haven't left you alone."

Bond looked down at the cat and then up at him. He blinked slowly... And slowly, painfully, rolled away from him.

"I know you aren't doing well right now," he swallowed. "I will let you get some sleep. I know Alec wants to see you later. I have an appointment with psych."

"I don't want to see anything," he said softly. "Take the cat."

"Ok," Q backed out of the room, and closed the door blinking away tears. He stood at the window, peering through the one way glass. He didn't know what to do. Was it better to have James safe and so broken? Or better for him to be alone?

“He’ll come around,” said Eve, who had appeared at his shoulder, her eyes dark as she peered into the room.

"I hope so," Q said helplessly. "He's scared of me, Eve. And it's breaking my heart. I have an appointment with psych, I have to go," he brushed away tears and walked away before she saw him cry again.

The fact was that Bond had been held captive for nearly a week and was in no physical or mental state to see anyone. He didn't improve for a very long time, and eventually stopped eating and drinking. It was as if he had given up. He did not want to go on.

"I don't know what to do," Q told his therapist with a sigh. "I don't know how to get through to him, and I'm terrified of losing him. This is so much worse than losing someone on the comms, I'm looking at him and I'm helpless to do anything."

The therapist - a lovely middle aged woman named Adelaide - nodded in understanding. " He needs time, Q, and probably to get away from London."

"With me?" Q looked at her helplessly. "Alec suggested a skiing cabin, but James won't even look at me. I'm afraid to push too much, and push him over the edge completely."

"Do you want to go down there now? Talk to him with me?"

"Yes please," Q nodded in relief. "I don't know what to say so he hears me."

The pair trooped down to the basement where medical was and stopped outside the glass. The form in the bed was a mass of yellowing bruises. Ignoring the Doctor, she plucked the chart from the wall and read. "Not eating or drinking," and she marched in, letting the door slam.

Q followed behind her silently. He wasn't sure how James would react. But since he had already given up, it was time for desperate measures.

James jerked as the door slammed and blinked awake. He stared at the pair, blinking owlishly.

"Hello, love," Q resisted the urge to throw his arms around his lover. "This is Adelaide, she came to talk to you because I'm worried."

"Is there a reason you've given up, James?" Adelaide studied him thoughtfully. 

He looked between the two, and his gaze darkened. "Piss off..." He rasped, voice dry from lack of fluid and lack of use.

"Well that's not going to happen," Adelaide remarked. "Up, 007, that's quite enough. You are scaring your partner half to death. Now what happened?"

He ignored them and looked away, flushing red with fury, which made the yellowing skin look horrendous.

"Q, would you excuse us for a minute?" Adelaide turned to him. He was fretting nervously and looked about to be sick. "Go get some tea and I will call you," she instructed dryly, sounding like the old M.  
She waited until Q was out of earshot, and then let him have it.

Bond looked as if the words where going over his head, blinking slowly. He waited until she was finished before nodding to the door. "Leave."

"No," she shook her head. "You're going to tell me what's going on, and what happened. Your partner has been sleeping in a chair outside your room for weeks. You owe it to him to try. He hasn't given up, no matter how badly you push him away. Now," she flipped through his chart. "I can't imagine that letting all this rattle around inside your head is doing a bit of good."

"I don't want to talk," he snarled and leaned to grab the chart, but pain tore through him. He gasped, and went white from pain and stabbed the medicine button.

"I would think there were quite a few things in your career you didn't want to do," she said gently. "Just think of it as an order."

He groaned and sunk back as morphine flooded his system. His eyes glazed. "Second page in the folder will tell you all..."

"I already saw it," she nodded. "I need you to tell me. And then you need to talk to that young man of yours who is worrying himself sick over you. He's going to stay out there until you leave this room, whether it's on your feet or in a body bag. But if you chose the latter option, it's going to destroy him as well."

"I told him from the start that it was a bad idea," Bond growled. There was the confusion of anger and hurt and the sense of betrayal in his gaze. "I don't want to be strong for a change."

"He isn't asking you to be strong, and from what he told me about your relationship, very much the opposite," she told him. "He only needs you not to give up, and stop pushing him away. He would do anything for you, James. Some of us would give anything for a partner like that."

"I am disfigured from that... that... there is no relationship... What the fuck do you want me to say?"

"I don't think he's been sitting outside your door for the hell of it," Adelaide said. "What makes you think there's no relationship? He doesn't care about your body. He just wants you."

"Because he loves someone who is... whole," Bond jerked his sheet off. There it was, penis small and swollen with a catheter that had blood in it, and whilst one testicle was swollen, and painful, the other was gone.

"I don't think you heard me, Mr. Bond. He isn't with you for your body, and he doesn't care," she said. "Do you think he hasn't read your file by now? All he wanted was for you to come home to him."

"I can't because I've broken that man enough. He was there and he did that and I could not stop Bolivar. He was in danger because of me," his head went back to the pillow, a disoriented, almost insane gleam in his eyes.

"If you push him away, you are going to break him beyond repair. That's the one thing he couldn't handle," she warned. "I think you underestimate how strong he is. Bolivar is lucky he died fast, and he scared himself with how angry he was."

Bond said nothing, sunk back into the bed and pulled the blankets up around his shoulders.

"That's quite enough of feeling sorry for yourself," Adelaide rolled her eyes. "Now get up and let's go for a walk."

"I can't," he replied softly.

"Are you going to let that boy of yours wait in the hallway for the rest of his life?" she asked. She pushed a wheelchair towards him. "Come on, I'll help you. I didn't always sit behind a desk, Mr. Bond. I was a field evac nurse. And I can tell when someone is avoiding doing something, versus when they can't."

Bond snarled but eventually, they got him there. A lot of moving on Adelaide's part... A lot of snarling and whimpering on James part. Walking really was an issue, with everything still so swollen. It was humiliating to say the least and he sunk into the chair, pulling the blankets up around him.

She pushed him out the door, and there was Q, sleeping in a chair. She shot James a knowing look, nodding at him to see his lover when he wasn't putting on a brave face.

Adelaide reached over and shook Q awake gently. "We are going to get some coffee. Coming?" She asked gently.

"Tea," Bonds voice sounded broken. "Gabriel has tea."

Q's eyes widened in surprise as he jumped awake.   
"Of course, would you like something to eat as well?"

"No!" Adelaide glared and Bond rolled his eyes. "Maybe..."

Q tried not to laugh while Bond could see, but he was absolutely relieved to see him showing spark of any kind. Q had been leaning heavily on Adelaide emotionally, seeing her daily on his lunch break. Tesla had been staying with Eve, and he had been alternating between his office for naps, and sleeping outside Bond's room door. Their new flat sat empty, Q had been too heartbroken over James's continuing rejection to begin to face it.

The trio went up to the cafeteria, Bond silent and brooding, sinking deeper into the chair as they went. He looked panicky, and rather detached.

Q kept his hand on his shoulder, a reassuring touch to ground him, while Adelaide went to get them drinks. He didn't make small talk, just stood next to Bond, watching over him.

People were looking, staring. They knew... They must all know what a mess he was... The whispers were like buzzing in his ears, angry wasps. "Get me out of here..."

"It's ok, I'm here," Gabriel wheeled him out onto the balcony where they were alone. He kept his hand on James, a brown bracelet that matched the collar on his wrist. "Look at me and focus on breathing."

He couldn't look at Gabriel, his face flushed with shame and embarrassment.

"Hey, hey," he knelt next to the wheelchair. "Look at me, James, please."

He made himself peek up at him slowly.

"I love you," Q held out his hand. "That isn't going to stop. No matter what happens. Do you remember what I told you on the comms, before I gave you the key to the flat?"

"That you knew what I was doing?" He was being shot at at the time. He was looking away but his thin face was twisted into a frown as he tried to remember.

Q laughed and wiped at the tears in his eyes. "To come home. How many bloody times do I have to remind you of that, you bloody wanker?"

"Things are different now, Gabriel. I'm... A freak now. Just another MI6 cast off."

"You are not," Gabriel scolded. "You're mine, just like you were before. I told you, nothing is going to change that."

"Have you read my medical notes? I have one ball... Not that either of them were any use after Le Chiffre..." He scowled.

"At least I’m not trying to get pregnant. Why do you think I love you, James?" Q asked softly. "I'm not one of your fan girls that loves you for your body."

"For shits and giggles?" Now he was being obtuse.

"You're lucky I do, you fucker," Gabriel sighed into his hair. "I love you because you are yourself, you are the man who protects me with his life. And the man who is too stubborn to understand that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We have a beautiful new flat, are you going to make me live there alone?"

"You got the keys?" Bond asked quietly.

"Yes, the agent called me to pick them up," Gabriel nodded. "I haven't gone to the flat yet- I didn't want to go alone. It didn't mean anything if you weren't there. And he can't follow us there, he's dead."

"There are always others, Gabriel," he wicked and shifted, trying to find some comfort. His eyes turned to look out at the city, blinking slowly. "Fresh air is nice, though."

"There's always going to be someone after us, we are the best at what we do," he sat on the floor next to James and rested his head against James's knees. "We just stick together and take advantage of what time we do have."

James didn't move and slowly his fingers and hand came to rest on his hair. Just rest.

Q sighed and melted against him, letting the tension drain out of his body. He was so tired, and holding himself together while he was one snapped thread away from falling apart had been exhausting. He had missed his lover, missed being touched so bad. He curled into the fingers and closed his eyes.

He sighed. "Gabriel... I want to go home..." He said softly and looked at him. "Take me home?"


End file.
